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It had been two weeks since I had seen Auston.
Two. Whole. Weeks.
At first I thought it was best for both of us given what had happened, but now I'm starting to think it was only better for him. If me going through intense pain and misery is what will help him, I will gladly endure it.
As I got myself ready for bed, I couldn't help thinking back to the night that changed everything. Small sections of the night kept replaying in my head and his words echoed through my brain.
I slipped into bed and tried to put that night out of my head. Trying was pointless, the harder I tried not to think about it the more I thought about it.
'We can never be together, Y/N. Not in that way' Austin's words kept replaying in my head.
I had poured my heart out to the guy I had been pining after for what felt like ever and in an instant, he had crushed any hope I had ever had. He seemed guilty telling me we would never be together. I shouldn't have told him, that was clear now but I couldn't keep it bottled inside anymore, it was eating me alive.
Now that it had been two weeks, I thought it would be easier. That the hurt would have lessened, the words wouldn't haunt me as they initially did and it would be easier to sleep. I was wrong, it had only gotten worse.
I initiated the idea of us not seeing each other anymore originally, although he didn't fight it. The minute I said it I knew that wasn't what I wanted but it was too late to take it back and I had to stick to my gut feeling. When he answered that I was right, my heart broke more and I didn't even think that was possible.
That was the last interaction I had had with him. As long as he was happy, I would learn how to deal.
It had been two hours and all I had done was tossed and turned in my bed trying to get comfortable. It didn't work. I pulled myself out of bed, aiming for the kitchen to make some tea that would hopefully help me sleep when there was a knock at the door.
I stopped in my tracks, who would be knocking on my door this late? I typed in 911 on my phone just in case and looked through the peep hole.
It was Auston.
"Damn it Auston, I almost called the police on you" I yelled swinging the door open and closing out of the pending call on my phone. "What are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep, can we talk? Preferably without the cops?" He half smirked. I couldn't bring it within me to tell him no.
"I was about to make some tea, you want some?" I asked quietly.
"Sounds amazing" he smiled walking through the door and taking off his jacket.
"So," I slid him a cup of tea and looked at him seriously. "You wanted to talk, talk" that came out colder than I originally had meant it to.
"I'm sorry I came so late" he started, giving me a sympathetic look.
"So why did you? What is this all about?" I questioned putting my mug down. I was on edge.
Something was making me tense and snappy. Whether it be the amount of sleep I was losing over him, the amount of tears spilled over him or the endless times something was ruined because his words kept bringing me back to that dark place I was in the night he first said them to me, something made me angry with him.
"Listen," he put his mug down and came around to stand next to me. "I'm sorry"
"We've established that, but it doesn't change anything" I went to walk past him until his hands went to my shoulders to stop me.
"I lied to you" he quickly said.
I raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously waiting for him to continue.
"Before, when you said we shouldn't see each other anymore. I lied to you. I don't want that, that's the furthest thing from what I want."
"Auston, I can't-" I started before he cut me off placing a finger over my lips.
"Let me finish, Y/N. That's not the only time I lied to you that night. I told you we couldn't be together because I didn't feel the same, that was a lie. I feel very strongly for you, but we can't be together because I'm not good for you, I'll end up hurting you and you deserve better" he finally took his finger off my lips. "And now that I've explained, I feel better."
I didn't. I was speechless. He had pushed me away for as long as I had known him and I never understood why. Not once did I ever expect an explanation like the one that had just come out of his mouth. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. I just stood there.
"I would rather take the risk of you hurting me someday than live every day hurting because I'm not with you" I finally said softly.
"Y/N," he said in a low deep voice coming closer to me. "I'm so sorry" he played with the strap of my tank top as he pressed a kiss to my cheek. "So sorry" he continued.
He dipped his head down and kissed my collar bone lightly. "I love you" he said against my collar bone, his breath raising my skin with goosebumps and his voice snapping me back to reality.
Of all the things that he could have said, those words were the furthest I had expected.
"Auston?" I asked breathlessly. He lifted his head to look me in the eye.
"Yeah?" He looked nervous.
"I love you too" I smiled slightly.
The smile spread across his face slowly as he pulled me to him and met his lips with mine. He was grinning from ear to ear when we pulled away.
"If I had known this would result in you confessing what you did, I would have suggested not speaking sooner" I laughed.
"It's been hell, Y/N! Do you know how long we didn't talk?" He looked serious.
"Two weeks" I nodded.
"Two. Weeks. Y/N, it was torture, every minute of it freakin' sucked" we both laughed.
"Mine did too, but you're here with me now" I smiled at him.
"And I'm never leaving" he beamed scooping me up in a hug.
