First Choice (Sam Wilkinson/Nash Grier)

Chapter 56

I usually didn't like to go out after school but I didn't have anything to wear to Shawn's Christmas ball and Aaliyah had asked me if I wanted to go with her to the mall to look for dresses on Thursday afternoon so that was a better idea than going alone.

I pulled one earbud out as we walked around the busy stores, people running in and out to get gifts for their loved ones. Aaliyah was going on about some date her and Matt had went on and I didn't mind. I usually preferred to listen to others talk, rather than go on about myself. She told me about how it wasn't as extravagant as their other dates, considering how wealthy Matt's family was, and how she liked the less expensive dates better because she felt more comfortable and closer to him.

"So where do you want to eat?" She asked as we approached the food court. After some discussion about what type of food we were in the mood for, we decided on pizza. We sat down as one of the little square, metal tables surrounded by many just like it and went on to eat our pizza's, mine plain cheese and hers pepperoni and sausage.

"So how is Nash?" She asked, covering her mouth as she continued chewing. I figured one of the boys would come up, but I expected for her to ask about Sam rather than Nash.

"He's fine. He tells me how much he misses me every day, and I tell him too, but I think him going back home to visit is good. He missed his sister so much and I could tell it was getting to him."

She nods as she finishes chewing, "Well that's good, but what about Sam? Are you guys okay?"

"Are we ever?" I ask sarcastically, folding my hands in front of me and leaning my chin on them glumly.

She half smiles, "Well not since before..." She trails off, face twisting in sympathy and embarrassment from bringing it up. She was either going to say before Sarah or before Nash.

"Yeah, but we aren't now and I hate it. I miss him so much." I admit. Out of all my girl friends, I know Aaliyah will understand the most. Aaliyah and Matt had a rough patch a few months ago, but Tasha and Aaron have always been perfect together and I'm not really close with Elizabeth, she's a sweethert but if I'm being honest, I'm really only friends with her because she's dating Jack.

"Well have you guys talked at all, you know, since he did what he did."

I shake my head, "I've been waiting for him to apologize but he hasn't. I don't think he cares at all that he hurt me, or that this may be it for us. We're just in this stupid place where we don't know what happens from here and the ball is in his court, and I hate it because what if he doesn't apologize?" I don't want to say it at all, but what if this is the chance Sam has been waiting for so he can finally get rid of me.

"No, you can't think like that. He just needs some time to think and get his shit together before he can give you a worthy apology. You guys will get through this, you always do." she assures me, reaching across the table and squeezing my hand comfortingly.

I'm so thankful for her, I really am. I can't talk to Tasha about Sam and I because she's a little biased when it comes to that. If I even bring it up, she'll fill my heads with reasons why I should be done with him, and to tell the truth I don't want to be, so all it does is make me get upset at her and question everything between Sam and I even more than I already am.

After we finish our pizza, we scour the mall for a dress store. Yeah, "PacSun" is Sam and I's favorite store, but you won't be finding a formal dress in there.

After about an hour in some store filled with expensive dresses called "Exquisite", I've found two dresses I like, and Aaliyah has found three.

"Are you sure it doesn't have to be Christmas colors, you said that he told you it was Christmas themed." She says, looking at her dresses nervously. Two are different styles but both blue, and one is black.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he meant that as in the decorations and not the dress code." I say, but reach in my purse to retrieve my phone so I can text Shawn about it just in case.

One of my dresses is short, a silver strapless heart neckline with mint green frills extending from the waist. The other is all maroon, but it's a sort of lace fabric laid over a solid creme colored fabric underneath. It's longer than the other but not super long either, it would probably reach just below my knees and doesn't have a tight bottom, but flares out much like the other dress. I wait until right before we pay before deciding on the maroon one because it isn't as showy and I can wear it with a pair of plain black heals.

Aaliyah chooses a short black dress that hugs her tightly and has a low back with a large bow tied across it. It looks amazing on her, showing off both her lovely curves and her long gorgeous legs. God, I wish I had a body like hers. We stop by a shoe store and she gets a pair of open toed black heels with black bows on them, and she even buys me a pair of close-toed black heels with lace on the front and heel that she says will look much better with the dress than whatever old black heels I've got at home. I try to turn down her offer multiple times but it proves useless, her claiming she's only getting me them to pay me back for lunch even though the shoes cost way more than the two slices of pizza did.

"Do you think Jack will be wearing something that goes with your dress, or..." She asks as we take one last walk through the mall to ensure we haven't forgotten anything and to gaze at the flocks of hot guys that are parading through before we go.

I take a second to think about which Jack she is talking about before I remember I'm going with Johnson.

"Oh, I hadn't even considered that. I'll ask him about it later."

"Do you think Sam is coming?" She asks, and i glance around frantically but I don't see him anywhere. 

"Not here. To the dance." She laughs, raising her eyebrows at me, me blushing even more than before. 

"No, why would he? I told him not to." I mutter, huffing as she continues to try and contain her laughter at my expense. She lets up after a moment.

"I just thought... Nevermind." She says, looking down at the ground, biting on her cheek and I can tell she's thinking hard about something. 

"Yeah, nevermind. Forget I asked." She mummbles as she continues to look puzzled about somthing, though I have no idea what. 

"Okay then..." I say awkwardly before she snaps out of it and smiles at me, she goes on to talk about her plans with Matt for tonight and I forget about the whole thing. 

I glance at a cute blonde standing in line at the "Pretzel Wetzel" with his StrapBack on backwards and a cute "Asphalt" brand hoodie on, and when I look at Aaliyah she is checking him out as well. We share a look and both giggle and when I look back at him, he and the rest of his good-looking friends are checking her out.

Of course they are.

I suddenly feel very self conscious and unattractive standing beside her. She's far prettier than me and her body is better, skinnier and toned from years of lacrosse and other sports she's been playing while I've been wasting away reading, singing, and learning to play piano. I know I'm beautiful to Nash, but I can't help but feel as if he's just one of the rare ones that actually sees people for more than there looks, and that none of these other guys would ever look my way twice.

"You ready to go? There friend is cute but his friends are creepy looking and besides, none of them compare to my sex master waiting at home." She whispers as we walk past them towards the exit.

I roll my eyes at her comment about Matt and nod. I'm anxious to be away from all of these people and their judge-mental eyes, especially since I want to call Nash and maybe just a little desperate to catch a glimpse of Sam because I've barely seen him lately. Just to see him for five seconds would take away from the ever present ache in my chest from how close we used to be. I want to see him so bad, even though it will hurt to see him running into his house just to avoid the idiotic and naive girl who desperately hopes he would just come and breath a simple sorry so she can have a reason to forgive him.

Pathetic.

Pathetic and too damn hopeful is what it is. I should really learn to stop wishing for things that will never happen.