First Choice (Sam Wilkinson/Nash Grier)

Chapter 31

I walked back out to the campfire but I didn't see Nash sitting with everyone else. I walked up, about to ask where he'd gone, "He went back inside." Gilinsky sighed before I got a chance.

"Thanks." I mumbled, turning on my feet and heading to our cabin. Nash was on the couch watching Tv when I walked in. He looked slightly upset as I got close enough to notice the wrinkle on his forehead in the dim light cast from the TV in the dark living room.

"Hey, how come you aren't outside anymore?" I asked as I plopped down beside him.

He smiled at me as he scooted closer and wrapped his arm around my waist, leaning his head on mine.

"I was lonely." He simply muttered.

I nodded and we watched the movie that Nash had put on. After a few moments Nash spoke, "I didn't think you would come back." He whispered, nudging my cheek with his nose so he could rest his lips against my neck.

"Why?" I asked, my breath becoming uneven as he puckered his lips against the soft skin of my collar bone.

"Cause I thought you'd stay with Sam." He breathed against my skin. "But you didn't and I'm happy you didn't." His lips ghosted over the skin as he spoke, making me gasp.

"I wouldn't stay with Sam. We're barely friends again." I informed him. I wouldn't leave him for Sam.

I knew a good thing when I saw it, and Nash was good to me.

"Don't think I'm selfish, but I'm glad you decided to come back to me instead of staying with him." He pulled away from my neck to look into my eyes.

His words made me feel all giddy inside, and I blushed. He smirked at my reaction, leaning in and kissing the corner of my lips.

I giggled as he began peppering kisses all over my face, trying to cover my face with my hands to shield from his tickling kisses. He stopped and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers before he rested his head on my shoulder and continued watching the movie as if he didn't just attacking me with his lips.

I giggled and he chuckled in return.

"We are cute." I spoke more to myself than him. It was true...

We were like one of those damn Tumblr couples, even though we weren't a couple. We had barely kissed today, but Nash still did all those other cute couple things like cuddling and teasing each other. My stomach erupted in butterflies and I realized how thankful for Nash I was.

I always use to see couples in the hallway at school and wonder why no guy would ever like me like that, why no guys seemed to be interested in me like the other girls.

I often wondered how it felt just to hold someone's hand, something so intimate and all I wanted was to experience it. I had often found myself in bed at night imagining how it would feel to have someone right beside me, holding me.

When I'd see girls posting pictures in their boyfriends flannel, I'd often wished I'd had a boyfriend that would let me wear his clothes. Here I was in Nash's sweatshirt,

Did I want Nash to be my boyfriend?

I also didn't know if Nash wanted me to be his girlfriend. Was this just a casual flirtation to him or did he take it seriously. I didn't even know how many relationships he had been in.

And that kiss.

He must have had tons of experience; how else did he learn to kiss like that? The only reason I knew what to do was because I'd read enough fanfics and smut to last a lifetime.

I blurted out the question before I could stop myself, "how many other girls have you kissed?" I asked.

He tensed up slightly before relaxing again, "where did that come from?" He laughed. He was trying to play it off, this is how I knew it was bad.

"Answer the question." My voice was much more stern now. He looked at me in disbelief.

"Three or four, why?" He asked, his expression worried.

I calmed down a little, not wanting him to think I was upset, just curious.

"I was just wondering."

We continued watching but another question popped into my head.

"Exactly how far have you gone with a girl." I hesitantly turned my head and looked at his expression, it was unreadable.

"Why are you asking all of this?" He seemed slightly defensive, pulling his hand away from mine as he frowned.

Ouch...

Now I was worried.

"I'm just curious about what kind of guy you are." I admitted. I wanted to know if he took relationships seriously or if he slept around, like most guys these days.

He stayed silent for a moment, his tongue darting out to wet his dry lips.

"I don't want to tell you." He spoke quietly, casting his eyes downward. I turned completely facing him. Now I was immensely terrified.

"It's not anything bad. It's just I know how girls are... Especially virgins."

I don't think he meant it as an insult, but that was what it sounded like to me. I stared at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I've, um, I've went all the way," he paused taking a deep breath, "with two girls."

I didn't try and contain my shock, staring at him as if he'd just told me he'd murdered people.

I don't know why I had even been thinking about sex with Nash, but I'd imagined us being on the same level of experience. He was way out of my league. I could barely kiss with tongue, while Nash had already had sex with not just one, but two girls.

I internally crumbled thinking of what he must of thought of me. Jasmine the pathetic little virgin.

I turned my face away from him and bit on my lip to keep the embarrassment from registering on my face.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you. Now you won't even look at me." He whispered, his hand moving away from my waist.

I didn't want him to touch me anyways. What if this was all a manipulation? what if he only liked me because I was a virgin? Was he like those guys who were proud to Steal girls innocence?

No.

Nash wasn't like that, right? He wouldn't do that to me because he cares about me.

"If it helps, I was in love with them both times."

I swallowed slowly, "that doesn't help." I admitted.

I was such a hypocrite. Here I was having feelings for Sam but absolutely disgusted at the thought of Nash tangled up in bed with anyone else, cuddling some other girl, giving some other girl her first kiss.

"I'm sorry." He pleaded.

"It's fine, Nash. It's not a problem. I can't blame you for your past relationships."

I said, trying to convince myself to believe what I'd said.

This wouldn't change things. I wouldn't let it.

I cared about him, but it was strange thinking that he could be thinking of those girls while he was with me. It was awkward.

"I think I'm going to go to bed, are you coming?" I asked.

He nodded, standing silently and following me.

When we got upstairs, we cuddled as usual, he told me goodnight as usual, he kissed the nape of my neck before falling asleep as usual, but what if usual for us was usual for him with someone else.