A Saint And A Sinners Kiss

Chapter 8 c

Its been a few weeks since Jeremey's death. I can see my body and mind still aren't taking it very well. I've been losing a lot of weight. I also have been having intense migraines, usually at night. On the bright side, Chase has been driving me to and from school everyday. It was kind of nice to not have to take the bus.

Right now we were on our way home from school. Timothy had said he wanted to grab smoothies on the way home, so that's what we were doing. Chase talked to the person in the drive through and ordered three smoothies. I insisted I didn't need you, but he wouldn't budge. I watched Chase pay for the drinks. The way the car was positioned you could see the brown in his eyes catch the light. It was like they were full of happiness. I've been spending a lot of time with Chase lately. Usually on the roof in the middle of the night. He tells me about how he grew up Christian and was proud of it. I respected him for that. He tells me about him and his family moving from Chicago to here in Washington. He asked to see my drawings once. I showed him a few and he seemed amazed. It made me really happy that he liked them. I've noticed that when I'm with him I smile a lot. He makes me laugh and its not fake. He's called me beautiful. He even tried to convince me to quit smoking once. I told him maybe one day in the future.

Seeing the way his eyes shine right now reminds me of how he makes me happy. He gets the smoothies and gives them to Timothy and I. We get back to the neighborhood in ten minutes.

After the twins drop me off at my house I walk inside to a scene I haven't in a while. There are beer cans cluttered throughout the living room floor, and the smell of whiskey stains the air. My dad lays there passed out on the couch with an empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. I thought he was getting better? I start fuming with anger. My mom comes out from the kitchen with a trash bag in her hand.

"You're home early" she says with her voice shaking. I usually wouldn't be home for another hour if I had taken the bus. Was she really going to clean this up before I saw it? This may be the most shady thing she has ever done to me. Has his episodes still been happening this entire time!

"You were going to hide this from me!" I scream at her.

"I didnt want you to be disappointed in him" she says crying.

"Well now Im disappointed in both of you! Did he hit you before he passed out! This is bullshit Mom!" I yell and then stomp to my room.

After I close my door I set down my backpack and take a breath. A couple of months ago I would have retaliated by self harming myself. I lift up my sleeve and trace the scars on my wrist. Im not going to relapse. I have come way too far to go back down the rabbit hole. I lay on my bed and closed my eyes. I remember what Jeremy would always say to me when I cut myself. Why make a permanent mark for something temporary. I lay on my bed a cry, I punch myself for not being able to go an hour without thinking about him.

(FLASHBACK)

Jeremey looks at my arms. The fresh cut marks from last night are still there. He looks up at me with tear swelling in his eyes.

"Rose, youre too beautiful for this. It breaks my heart as your brother to see this" he cries.

"Jeremey Im trying. Its just so hard to want to be alive." I cry. Jace, who was also sitting on the couch, starts to tear up.

"Rose we love you so much. You remember that when you think about doing this again" Jace says, his smooth voice cracking. I only met Jace seven months ago and he already cares enough to be here.

"Don't make a permanent mark for something thats temporary" Jeremey tells me. He pulls me in for a hug which I gladly accept. When he pulls away Jace speaks again.

"Tu eres mi ángel."

(FLASHBACK OVER)

I flutter to life as I wake up. I didnt even realize I had fallen asleep. I look over at the clock and see its about midnight. Thinking back to earlier that afternoon I got angry again. I shake my head at myself and go to my closet. I havent done this in a while, but maybe it will be good for some memories. I put on my leather jacket. I havent worn it in months. I also slip on my ripped skinny black jeans. I know they will all be excited to see me again, so why am I so nervous. I put on bright red lipstick. Its like my signature mark there. They all call me Red Rose there because of my lipstick. I take one look in the mirror. Its nice to see the old me back. I grab my phone and then slip out my window.

"Where are you going?" Chase says from the window. I sigh and look over at him. He has the biggest smirk on his face, because he just caught me for something. He seems taken aback when I look at him. Probably because I'm dressed like how I am.

"I'm going out," I reply sarcastically.

"Wherever you're going.. Is it safe" he asks like he's genuinely worried. Might as well be honest with him.

"No its not" I say with a devilish smile playing on my lips. Im also not in the mood for sugar coating things. I can tell he wants to say something but he doesn't.

Want to come with me? I tease. He looks uneasy and starts playing with his hair.

"Yes actually I do want to" his answer shocks me. I look at his body. He has a white shirt on with some black sweatpants. Would I be able to handle everything if he was there? Maybe it will show him that he should stay away from me.

"Okay but you cant wear that" I say. He looks down at his clothes.

"Why?" he seems genuinely confused. I chuckle at his innocence.

"If you go where we're going dressed like that youll get beat up" I smile even wider when his eyes grow in fear. I love teasing him.

"Well what should I dress like then?" he asks, grabbing the window sill so tightly that his knuckles are turning white. I think about my answer and then carefully respond.

"Like a bad boy" I wink and then start walking to the tree that I climb down. Chase looks terrified at my response.

"Meet me out front in fifteen minutes or I'm leaving without you" I call as I climb onto one of the branches. He disappears back into his room and closes his window. I continue climbing down the tree and eventually reach the ground. Its really not a good idea to bring Chase, but maybe he will only want to come once. Then he will get off my back about it.

As I wait outside for Chase I realize what a mistake I have made. This boy is so innocent and Im going to mess that all up for him. I sigh, I guess sometimes its good to experience the world.

A few minutes later Chase quietly comes out of the front door of his house. When he walks towards me I cant help but stare. Hes wearing a tight black shirt that shows off his arms and a pair of ripped blue jeans. He honestly looks really good not going to lie.

"You ready?" I ask him, taking a step closer to him.

"No, umm, actually this is the first time I've ever snuck out" he says wiping his hands on his jeans.

"Well then let's make it memorable" I say closing the gap between us and putting my hand on his chest. He takes a sharp breath in and looks scared. Then I turn around and start walking down the road. He just stands there. I smile to myself, because teasing him is fun. I light a cigarette and walk down the road.

"Are you coming slow poke?" I laugh. He snaps out of his daze and then starts following me. If this is really his first time sneaking out I am going to make it the best night of his life. Right?