Stranger's Diary

No Guilt, No Guilt, No Guilt.

 Yukki answered the door quicker than I expected, as if she stood right behind it, waiting impatiently. She runs out the room, hugging me. I can feel her cold fingers tremble through my shirt.

"Yukki, what are you doing this far away form home?"

She lets go of me, taking my hand, leading me into the room. I shut the door behind me.

"You can sit, on the bed..." considering the room has no chairs...

"... I will, get you a glass of water"

"It's fine yukki, we have more important things to deal with, like you, what is it that is really going on?"

Her lips trembled as though shame was holding her tongue. 

"Mr Gene, I cannot do this anymore" She sobs in her hands.

"Do what Yukki, you know you can talk to me."

"You aren't listening Daniel. No one ever does!"

"Yukki you know that you tell me everything. Do you remember all the things you told me?"

I got up from the bed and stood in front of her, holding her hands. 

"Yes Daniel I know but, sometimes I feel like, i'm on this earth alone. I bet you don't even remember anything I blabbed about"

My hands now rest on her warm cheeks.

"Sweetheart you know I always listen"

She stood closer.

"I know you do"

She whispers softly, looking at my eyes.

"Like, about the time you found out about what your father did"

She held my hands, yanked them from her face then quickly steps back.

"Why are you bringing that up Mr. Gene. Do you think this is the right time for that?"

"I'm sorry Yukki, I, I don't know I.."

"I know he was and most-likely Is still a foolish idiot, but he is out of my life therefore should be out my head"

"Yukki"

"So what, do you want to remind me of what he did to my mother? The woman that worked hard every day and night so we can have a place to sleep? I mean, I know they had money issues, I know my father spent it all behind my mother's back on some other whore. He had the nerves to leave my mother for that, spank, he had the NERVES to leave us with nothing but pain. You don't even understand, what my mother and I, had to do to keep that house. And where is my mother now? No one knows Mr. Gene. No one knows"

"We do not have to talk about this if you don't want to"

She sat on the bed. Now staring at the floor.

"I never knew they argued so much about money until a year before my father left to get married to the other woman that ate our money. When my mother found out where all our money was going she was, so devastated"

"I know Yukki, she must have been"

I now sat by her.

"And up to this day, I still do not know where my mother is. She left with none of her clothing Daniel, nothing but the piggy bank that was on the dinner table and the car."

Now looking at me, she rests her hand on my leg. A tear running down her cheek.

"Its hard. I  know it is hard to live alone especially. For a girl this young. A beautiful girl."

I smile and wipe a tear from her cheeks.

We sat there, silent, in the dead of night. My heart raced. Maybe it's the cold.

Her hands slid up my thigh, creating a warm surface, on my cheeks, and under my shirt.

"You told me in class, that there was a man. What did you mean by, there was a man?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying not to make my voice shake, trying to keep my thoughts focused. Trying to keep my hands to myself.

All of a sudden I am warm. And so are her hands.

"I am lonely Daniel."

She suddenly stops moving her hands, goes to the side table and picks up two plastic cups and a wine glass bottle. 

"I got this from the nice lady down the road that runs the small convenience store. Got it while I was waiting. You took longer than I expected"

"She hands me the strong drink"

"Yeah. And I am sorry about that. Had some, work related ..."

"You don't have to lie to me Daniel, I heard you tell someone to let your wife know you will be on the phone, outside, and that it is work related. But I understand. Considering my age no one would understand. No one ever does. You, need a refill?"

I finished the cup without realizing.

"I guess I do...a little more...thank you"

After a few more cups and a petite conversation, my vision was getting blurry, and her body more, dainty. And right before I can even think about it, our bodies pressed closely, heating the bed, her lips are soft, her cheeks, red. 

But I continue, I continue to fill her lonely. Nothing matters this night. Only her and I and the warmth we created. I know I am not guilty, I am not doing anything wrong, just filling her lonely, making her feel valued...

...feel like a woman.