Only Ones Who Know

The Feeling Of A Heartbreak

Izzy's POV:

A constant knocking on the door finally made me get my ass off the couch and walk to open it, cursing at whoever it was that was hitting on it. Days without having to work for the boys had been great to take some time for myself and relax, but eventually, I was getting tired of not having anything interesting to do. I had some savings I'd made during the tour that were allowing me to subsist until I could land a new job, but not many days had gone by since my little incident with Alex, and I still had no offers. What was weird was that I hadn't shed a single tear, and I knew it was partly because I'd already given up on Alex and me, as much as my heart still refused to. We could never happen; he was so out of my league, and I would always be just Izzy. I knew how things were going to be like when we got back from the tour, so I wasn't surprised when shit hit the fan a few days after we'd arrived in LA. Yet, I couldn't deny that I missed Alex like no one else in this world, but he had done me so much fucking damage. Damage I'd never thought he would.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, my heart paralyzing and my eyes growing wide when I saw Alex standing on my doorway.

"Hey" Alex mumbled, shamefully looking away.

"You've got some nerve appearing back again"

"Iz..." He trailed off tiredly.

"What do you want?" I cut him off. He opened his mouth to reply, but I quickly interrupted him again. "If you're here to tell me how sorry you are, then you can go fuck yourself" Alex heaved in a big sigh, looking up as he licked his lips.

"Well, this is going to be harder than I thought" He breathed out, placing his hands on his hips.

"What were you expecting?"

"Izzy, I just want to talk to you. I knew Sam wasn't going to be here because she went out with Miles-"

"Yeah, I know that. We kind of live in the same place"

"I know, Izzy" Alex groaned, rolling his eyes at him. "Fuck, I hate your irony so much sometimes"

"You've earned it"

"Whatever" He dismissed. "Listen, I just thought this was going to be a great opportunity for us to talk, and... you know..." Alex sighed. "I want to do things right, Izzy, I really do. I'm just having a real bad time dealing with myself, for some reason. I know I keep fucking up, Iz, I can't help it. I want to fix it, but then I fuck it up again" Alex drew his hair back in frustration, seeming to be exhausted. "We want you back, Izzy... I want you back more than anyone" I hesitated for a moment, analysing his words, trying to think if this was convenient for me or not. Of course it wasn't; it was Alex, he was going to break my heart over and over again, but just like he would do that, I would fall for him... over and over again.

"Why would you want me back?"

"Because you're clearly so good at what you do" Alex replied. "And also because I'm so sorry, Iz. I should have never said the things I said, that was a low one from my part"

"What do I get in return for working for you again?"

"Well, definitely a lot more money and... just that, basically" Alex said. "Maybe even the joy of being stuck with me the twenty four hours of the day" Alex brightly grinned at me.

"I think I'll have to think about that" I exclaimed. "But I could really use that money, actually"

"Listen, Iz, I know that being next to me is the last thing you want to do. I know you probably hate me by now, and honestly, I don't blame you, but... I'm not good without you, Izzy. I'm so much fucking worse than when I'm with you, and even when I'm with you I still suck, so just try to imagine how it's like when you're not around" A small giggle escaped my lips, although I was trying hard to fight it back. There was something about Alex that no matter how mad I was at him, he would always find a way to get a smile out of me, and I kind of hate it that sometimes. I was totally weak when he was in front of me. "Listen, Iz, I'm sorry. I'll do whatever you want to make it up to you. I don't know, do you want to go and see the Eiffel Tower? I'll go take you to fucking Paris and we'll see the motherfucking Eiffel Tower. Do you want to go bungee jumping and risk your goddamn life? Fuck it, I'll go die with you, then; or... I don't know, I could get you one of those tiny ass ponies that fit in your backyard and people use as lap dogs to replace their deceased Chihuahua" Alex ranted. "Whatever it takes, Izzy... I'll do it"