Perspective

1-27-2024

My name is Chlo'e Danyell Ann , and this is my story.

I'm not your usual person. There's a lot that i have been through in my 24 years of life. In fact i have been told by various people that i am advanced in my mental state compared to most of the people in my age. I think that could be the fact that i myself am so opened minded it allows me to see things in other peoples perspective instead of just my own.

I grew up in a very toxic, yet loving home. You see growing up i didn't see many issues with the way my life was. My mother is a generationally unstable hoarder, and my sister was a unhygienic, extremely mentally unstable. The fact that i was able to prevail from the situation in the state of mind that i do have is astounding to me.

Don't get ,me wrong, I'm still working on my mental state as well. I've yet to diagnosed officially, my doctor tells me it is a possibility, but i do strongly believe that i developed BPD.I have OCD for sure. And there is a high chance i had ADHD or something on the autism scale, but my mother really didn't believe in those things so she never got me tested for such things. Officially i have in fact been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But, I am much better at this point but for a very long period of time i lost myself and who i was and the things that i generally would enjoy. I dug myself into a hole. So much so i hurt myself, the ones i love and other people that would be around me. Now it wasn't so bad that it was every second of the day but it was a daily struggle. i do believe i have or had anger issues, which i also continuously work on an have grown within, and i understand myself enough and more every day. As time goes on i train myself do put the negative thoughts and feelings at bay, and i choose to not let it overtake me or my spirit.

Those of you that don't know what BPD is, it stand for Bipolar Personality Disorder. Now most people think bipolar disorder, but this is different. It is NOT a genetic disorder, it is developed throughout time and is a trauma response to childhood abuse and neglect. That's the short description. The in depth description for it, founded from mayoclinic.org , is "borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships." I have started therapy because i do believe it helps me at this point in time. For a long time i wasn't sure if therapy was for me, but honestly i believe there variables. That's the thing with me though, i believe that there are variables for most things. That's something that i do struggle with. Sometimes i feel like i might be too open minded. But honestly, no such thing.

I do tend to ramble on and on sometimes it really depends on the subject and how interested in it i am. But i will also bounce around from subject to subject but also will wrap back around to certain subjects if i feel like i didn't get my point across the first time on said subject.

I do feel like I'm a very unique person, and a rare individual. Now i have struggled with my confidence for most my life because i was a over weight introvert with glasses, and due to my very German heritage I've been a hairy person so there's that. But i have ALWAYS known that i am special. And now, being a grown 24 year old, i have actually gone through a extensive weight loss. Actually at this point I've lost up to 105lbs. I do feel like a different person. in a sense i have lost another person. There are grown adults that are legit 105lbs, so I've actually lost a whole person. people that have known me before and after the loss, they will say how much i have changed.

Within my weight loss journey my state of mind has changed immensely, and i kind of lost another person, but like in a good way. I think before i got to the 100lbs mark, i was struggling with myself and my identity. Like there's a portion of me that is gone, and that's the negative Chloe. I love myself . I came say that with no shame. Because i have have worked on myself so much to where I'm just proud of me. Not a lot of people can say that.