Perspective

Part 21

I kind of feel like there are certain people on this earth that are put in your life to help you along the way. It could be maybe for a short while, or maybe for a long time, but you never actually know how long certain people are going to be in your life. And that's a fun part of life right? Not knowing. It could be interpreted more than one way. It's all about that perspective of how you choose it to be. You could take that person as they are for that short time. You choose to allow them to be with you for the entirety of your life. You could allow them to be there as long as you want. But in the end it is essentially your choose on who is apart of your story. The honor of actually being a parent is a true gift, but its not for everybody. 

If you become a parent, your main focus is and should be your child until they are old enough and guided enough to be able to start their own life. Some people don't firmly understand the concept of having a child. they think it's going to be a nice little baby for some time and then they can care for themselves the rest of the time. Or there are the people that put themselves before the child that they created and just simply do things as they want with no recognition of how it could effect said child. There are also some that just should simply not have a child because they are too selfish to be able to care for another how a parent should care for the child. It amazes me how a simple person can change the whole life of one or more people. That's child or anyone else for that matter. You can see a person at the store and have a 5 minute conversation with them, and if they are influenced enough by them, it can slip a switch and help them turn their life around if that's what is needed. 

You know i question a lot. People. Actions. Reactions. The world and all of it's mysteries. I don't think it matters what science comes up with, or what religion says. But there is not a person on this earth that is ever capable of having real answers for anything. As a person, as a human being, you are intended to care, to love, to wonder and to live. Throughout time people have gotten so concerned with things and with objects and ownership because it does make things easier for them in various ways. Most don't stop rushing to acknowledge their surroundings and what is going on in the moment. It's easy for that to happen honestly. Very easy. It happens to everyone, just because the world is the way that it is. So reliant on technology and luxuries. But to us, those things seem almost essential. IF there was a blackout tomorrow, no one would know how to do anything. If there are some that do because they have learned valuable skills so be it. But honestly most of man kind would perish. There would be destruction after destruction because all people know is how to rely on one thing after another. You can call that evolution of a sort. Humans started off fighting for their lives on a daily basis. Fighting for food, for shelter and simple resources. But now most are born under a roof with food and water given to them by the humans that gave them life. I mean majority of what we have now is not necessities, but to us it because we are used to it and have adapted to it and what it has brought us. Having a flushing toilet is not a essential. Having running water is not a essential. Having access to the internet is not essential. Having heat or cold air is not a essential. But it just seems like it is because we have made it that way. One might question how people survived before all of these things. That is because they weren't coddled and they chose to live everyday and fought for the lives that they lived. People get fat and lazy because they are so used to things being provided for them, they take advantage of the fact for the most part. It is nice to have things at your fingertips, but we have a spot in our brains that tell us that we need those things or we can't live. That's true only because we have made it that way. There are "under developed" countries that still survive in what we would consider shitty circumstances because they don't have the access to things that we do. But guess what...they are still living. There are positive to it all of the advances that we have and that's medicine. Those countries without it all do have health problems. But there are still parts of them that are thriving because their environments aren't invaded with the toxins that come with all the electricity and powerplants and mass productions. Honestly it's a hard in-between world. You can't win for loosing as they say. The world is full of mysteries there's too much for one to comprehend it all. I could go on and on about the world we are in and how there are negatives and positive, that's just another part of life though. There is always something to talk about i guess. Shit that we won't ever be able to grasp. The universe got your back if you let it. You might not get it all, but it happens for a reason. 

I'm not going to get a adequate amount of sleep, which is not uncommon for me. I was going to try to sleep for a good amount of time but like that almost never happens especially if I'm opening. I mean it can happen it's just rare. I think I'm so used to going to bed late at night. Actually there was a time where i worked a really late shift. Like 4pm-12am. Most of the time i worked that i didn't go to bed until like 3 or 4 am. That was a regular bed time for me. God i really am getting old, because now I'm up at that 4am. Wild shit. I was on the phone with Nai earlier. I was actually on the phone for a while with him. In miss being around him to be honest. But truly he seems better since they have broken up. He told me what happen finally between the two of them. Basically that selfish bitch had claimed that she had been thinking about it for a while and that she didn't think that their futures would blend well together. Which doesn't make sense because i know they had talked about a life together in the future. But I think, even when they where together the whole time, she always acted like she was better than him and anyone he knows (myself and tone included) and she just would never be caught saying that because that would make her the bad guy. She just wanted to come up with something that made the situation less harsh. It's whatever because it is done with now. He said they're friends which i don't think should be and i don't think will last too long because honestly she's just a fucking cunt in my opinion and Nai has a heart that only few people truly could get even slightly and i don't think she ever did. Maybe to her, she made sense a bit but like she didn't understand him enough to value him. I enjoyed talking to him. I mean i missed that for that long time that i wasn't able to speak to him you know. Annoyingly Daniel was there. Which i heard Nai say something about how he's been there for a week....how ironic. Because that's what he did when he lived with me. He would go back and forth between me and Marias house....seems like he's doing that again but with Nai and Manny. That's fucking crazy to be honest. Like what the fuck is wrong with him. And bro had the audacity to say hi to me. Like bro i don't like you, don't speak to me.  But Nai laughed even when he did because he knows good and well how much i don't like him. If he has been there for a week that means he most likely doesn't have a job yet again...hmm that's crazy i wonder who would have called it...oh wait i did. I don't know man can fuck off. 

I want to be able to go about my life and not have anger towards anyone but for whatever reason certain people just fill me with it and i don't know how to get rid of that. I mean to be fair i could have felt worse about it to a sense i just didn't even like the fact that he felt like he could talk to me at all. But for the rest of the call with Nai he hardly said anything, probably because he knows he wasn't wanted. It's sickening to me that he is still using people the way he is. And i do hope that at some point in the future tone, Nai and Manny and hell even maria's family will not want him around because he's a leech. Some people are leeches that suck the life from other people in order to thrive. They will still leave those people to be but do what they want in the mean time until they've done so much damage that the other people are messed up from them and they get pulled off and tossed when it's reach maximum damage. Leeches are the worst and there is often times they don't get noticed either until it becomes a bother. That's what he is and that's what many narcissistic people are. Blood sucking, life sucking leeches. Be mindful of who you let into your personal life and your home. 

When it comes to my home i generally don't just let anyone in unless its absolutely necessary or if i trust the person...and i kind of did trust him, or i wanted to. I don't know if i even wanted to, i mostly just felt bad for him. But like now, its so different. He can go to hell. I don't even really let people i know in my place unless I'm really cool with them. the home is a sacred place. You can't let everyone in. It just doesn't work that way. 

I'm going to wrap this up it too late and I'm tired that melatonin kicking in and i have to up at 4am mind you . Goodnight. I'm only a little less than 200 words off from my regular goal but my mind is drawing a blank because of the exhaustion. 

Sleep well.