Perspective

Part 9

Do you ever look at photos of yourself when your young and think about how much that young version of you is going to go through. I wish i could have prepared for myself for all the things that i have gone through. Hell even young me was going through things too if we're honest.  Vanessa and i where talking about some stuff today and she even made the good point that the situation i was in growing up was honestly all too common. Because i was having a conversation the other day with Justin and Alison just simply talking about what it was like growing up or what Alison does when her kids have friends over. I recall when i was young i couldn't have male friends over, and my sister even had a gay best friend and even when he was over we had to have the door open. Alison was telling us that she wont allow her daughter or her sons to have friends over the same night because of law suit issues, which makes tremendous sense because she used to be a lawyer prior to the store. But for the most part they really can have anyone over. And Justin would say that he always had his friend over without a simple issue. But with me i wasn't ever allowed to have friends over without my mom home, and she had to know their parents and obviously couldn't stay the night if they where a male and we couldn't have anyone in the house whatsoever when she was at work. So it kind of got me thinking about how different it was for me vs their situations. Which don't get me wrong i know that everyone has different household rules. But with my mom we where what a lot of people considered a "strict" household. That's so funny to because she grew up so strict and she said she wasn't going to be like Papaw but honestly she was. I had mentioned my mom always had a list of things things that we needed to do before she got home or there would be hell to pay. And we couldn't watch tv before any of it was done. Of course there was more often then not i ended up doing both the tasks given to me and Casey. Mom would always give us both our own tasks but i didn't want mom to be mad so i would do both sometimes. Or i would argue with Casey about who was doing what if they where tasks that we "both" had to complete. You know the tv we had growing up was the kind with the big back and she would check to see if it was hot to see if we watched the tv when we were grounded. Our version of grounding was no tv, and we had to stay in the room and we where given extra chores . Now chores for us on a regular basis included dishes, laundry, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, taking out the trash and cleaning the cat box. Now i was taught that when you're given the task of "dishes", that includes the entirety of the kitchen. So That means you clean the dishes, clean the counters, clean the stove top, clean the microwave if needed, sweep the floors and mop. that's how it goes and to me that does also make the most sense to me. When my sister would do them she would half ass wash the dishes, leaving grease and food on a lot of stuff and often didn't do the other tasks that are accompanied with dishes. That often led to a fight between my mom and her. And when that man rob lived with us he would argue or talk shit about Casey or myself as well or he would tell my mom shit and she would yell at us. There was many a time she had picked a man over us and to this day i don't think she has ever seen it that way. But there's many other things that correlate with that at another time. But when i say we had a strict life that meant various things. I think my mom basically being a single mom made it much more difficult for her to delegate tasks and control the home. But that is also a problem with her. She tends to want to control everything about most situations. I do believe that's a trait i inherited from her. And i try to work on it. Because growing up with her, experiencing that from another point of view, as I've been working on myself I've seen that trait in me and i don't want other people to feel the way that I've felt on that opposite side of it. 

Vanessa actually complimented me today on how well I've been doing. And i do thoroughly appreciate it. She was referencing in work and in my personal life. You know working with people every day long, you tend to talk to them about your life or personal things if you get comfortable enough with them. And I've been through a lot with a lot of them there. I mean I've been at that store for  2 1/2 years. That isn't a long time, but if you go through all the things i have theologically and physically that time seems so long. I mean i legit weighed a whole 80lbs more when i started there, and i was in such a different head space. It's crazy. So a lot of the people that i have worked with in that time i always seem to get attached to if they are good people. The people that are the more negative people seem to be stories to tell. I love honestly talking about all the wild people that we had worked with. There was one guy Todd who worked with us for a long time and he was just the worst. I tried to like him, but he just had this genuinely annoying thing about him. I mean there was some nice things about him i guess because he did try to help people sometimes and that was nice. But working with him was too much and i think he was way too comfortable and said a lot of weird and fucked up shit. There as this guy Johnathan, now THAT guy was weird. He wasn't around long, mind you Aldi isn't for the weak to be honest, but he did and said A LOT of weird stuff. He touched my old coworker Madison's (we love her i still talk to her but she left the store life and has a degree now and is working on another one i believe) hair in the weirdest way. He had told Thomas (our old ASM i miss him he just works at another store now ) that there was and i quote "a lot of fine ass females at this store". That's just not something you say to your manager that you barely even know. And mind you Thomas is also a married man and he's very loyal to his women. But there are so many things that he did work wise that sucked. This guy Sylas was legit one of the worst. He never did anything with like any speed or pep to his step. He was a bit socially awkward which is fine because i can be too but he had that strange guy vibe. And he even got hurt one day because of something that he basically did to himself. I watched it and he got hit in the head with the dolly that we use, but he lifted something off of it and it flung forward...and he wanted to fine a incident report and he even went to the ER over it. Which i guess, but he was perfectly fine, and as far as i knew he didn't even have a bump. What a wiener.

You know i do get concerned that the people i know would read these and get upset about things that i say, but quiet frankly a lot of people don't like to hear the truth about themselves. I have also known that feeling, not wanting to hear the negative things that could potentially come from yourself. But i work on my things all the time. And no I'm not always right. It does feel strange saying that but i need to understand that and i will admit when I'm wrong. I also have been working on not getting defensive when I'm proven wrong or when someone does something in spite of the instructions I've given them. I read something a while ago that said 'Its not about waiting its about what you do while you wait. Patience is the truest form of a persons reflection of their stability." And i like that because it speaks levels. Now i know that there's a part of me that will want to maybe even publish a novel for real. This is a mere stepping stone. If i am focused enough on a certain thing for a long enough period of time i can totally write for a long time. Actually there is often when I'm writing these I'm watching something on the tv, as of lately its Riverdale and i just got really into it. I tend to take longer to do these but i kind of like it because it will occupy my mind. Otherwise id be coloring or painting, which is fine too but i like this because it lets me take my scatter brain for a drive and try to calm it and put it in a certain direction. I will tend to have to stop and partially revise it with autocorrections and such but that's not a big deal because my brain will go blank for a few minutes because i am trying to multitask in watching tv. I trail off you know. But that's average for me. Although i will have a good thought in there that i want to expel onto the screen but then i get caught in the suspense of the show or movie I'm also watching and i loose that thought which kind of sucks but its okay because i got a feeling ill talk about it at a later time or another day eventually. My brain is so full of so many things that i want to share with people and i like this so much.

 I hope that i do make a big difference one day. There's that word again...hope. Hope to help others like me. That come from a rough background. Because honestly majority of the world is mid to lower class. That is how the Blue collar keep a hold of us. Pay the most minuscule pay that way people can barely get by and then every so often just continue to raise taxes and shit. That process of life going in a relentless circle for most people because they might be able to try to save money, but in this day its more common to have a "emergency" come up and your money is blown. IT's honestly sickening how people with money want to treat people with lesser fortune. For the most part the government makes it so easy to let people get overweight so they have more health issue because the unhealthy food they can afford instead of the grossly expensive healthier products. And that means a person could have a really bad health problem sending them to the doctors and they might need medications or even surgeries. What comes from that? Extensive medical bills that you actually have to pay off dipping into those lovely little saving that you have. Or there's a problem with your car and you have to get some type of fix done to it with a big fat bill. There's always something when you don't have a lot of money. And its worse for people with kids. But as I've stated before, its extremely common that people have kids before they should and that can make things harder for you too if you aren't prepare. It's always one thing after another. And unless you've been born into money it's so hard to go about your life and live a regular life. I will have money for my children, i don't want them to have to really worry about anything.

I had a good day today though, i didn't end up throwing the produce that i actually thought i was going to be doing. But i ended up on freezer, which meant that i had to do the freeze and thaw, the bread and the regular freezer. Its kind of a lot to do in 3 hours but if you really move your ass you can do it. But i liked it because i like learning how to do all the morning stuff. Plus there's no annoying ass people in my way and i don't have to interact with too many people that early in my day. It's weird because i do like the night shift because I'm used to it but i also like the calm in the morning and the ability i have to actually get shit done that needs done. I've also been learning how much that place really is a team effort. Because i had to stop what i needed to do and take care of some empty boxes that didn't get taken care of the night before which should have been done. So i really do understand it all and empathize with both sides. And i like that I'm able to get it. Hopefully ill be able to help more but it cant just be me. Everyone has to pull their weight. We all have our part to play right ?