Perspective

Part 42

You'll have to excuse me for not writing as much these days. It does makes me a little weird about it because i enjoy it so, and i do feel like i was getting somewhere with it in the begging but as my physical life changes and i have been so active with work I'm almost too tired for most activities. But the thing is, i do not mind the physical work. Like it does make me feel good in knowing i am doing better for the store. We have a lot going on at the store in the personal aspects.  As in we have the new people coming in and having newbies is a big task. I mean we will have to show them things that they won't even learn at the training center and we won't b able to just our work without having to worry about someone else. But we had a newbie at the store the other days and it put a hug dent int our personal time laps for getting things done in the morning. She is legit like NEW new, so i can't be mad about all that. I didn't even get to break until after truck was done, which was at like 1pm...i had been there since 6. But i couldn't break until truck was done. I wasn't trying to do more of that after my break. My muscles are really getting a work out though doing the morning tasks. Like they honestly hurt right now. And i wasn't even supposed to do the morning yesterday but grant was sick so i had to take his shift. 

Granted my body is taking a bit of a taxing due to the work, I'm okay with it because i know that i can do it. AND i am trying to get better, because i know with more practice of most things i can be better.  I am still finding my footing for a lot of the things for morning task, so I'm really not trying to be rough on myself about not hustling in the way i would like to. Even Vanessa was behind in the freezer stuff, and i don't think she was getting upset at all. But mind you, it was supposed to be Grants shift anyways. But it is what it is, and it has passed and we got through it all. I'm not too upset about it all because i know that type of thing is going to happen with the newbies. 

I feel like the gap in the days of me not writing is good and also kind of sucky. Like i get to do things and experience life. And I'm able to live life in a normal people world. I guess there is no such thing as a normal person world, but i also kind of mean like out of the abnormal for myself. I think it's a good thing that i don't have a exact routine, because when i do i think i get a bit too comfortable. I believe I've talked on the subject before but in the weirdest way i must bring certain things back up to really elaborate on my intentions of the subjects. 

There is often times when i catch myself getting into the same things and the same patterns in each day. I think in my mind that i can't allow that to happen. Reason being, i will legit kind of isolate myself from the world. And i don't want that. Being that way for ME is not good. If i get stuck then my depression can peak and I can become miserable. Yes i understand that you can have good routine, but i myself need to break the habit. I think my OCD is at all time peak, but at the same time i have been able to get passed it when other people are around. But in my house, it's hard for me to just let things go. 

For example, i am going to the cruise in September with Devyn right? Well i am more worried about my babies, the cats. I think it is hard on them when i am gone for long periods of time. Like they love the attention that i can provide for them. And for me to be gone for 2 weeks, someone just checking on them occasionally isn't going to be enough. I am going to have to have someone house sit for me. Like stay here and sleep here in my apartment. It will make the cats feel better for sure. And i wouldn't have to worry about the house looking crazy from the cats when i get back. I mean they can't go that long without the litter being changed, or attention, or treats per day. It's a whole thing for me. I would just feel really bad. And i can't really have them go stay anywhere else, they wouldn't be comfortable with that. Some people would say, "oh they're just cat" But like...they are more than that to me and just ion general. I am going to ask Emma initially, but if she feels that she can't do it, i will ask Diamond. I trust them both enough for that. I would pay them too. I am still debating how much but i would feel bad if i had someone straight up staying at my place just out of kindness.