Perspective

Part 22

I learn a little bit about every person i work with every time i work with them. It's cool because you get to see what kind of person they are you know? Cody is one of those people. Like the more you work with him, the more comfortable he gets with you and he will open up more. He talked to me all day today, he really is entertaining. Also that guy that came to help at the store was first of all late because i guess his kids school had a 2 hour delay, which doesn't make sense because i don't understand why any school would being as the weather was fine and it wasn't a holiday. Then, he tried to act like he knew more then me which i legit proved wasn't true. And he ended up leaving 2 hours early because h also apparently had a doctors appointment for his pregnant wife. Now i don't know this dude, and i don't know his life. But he's coming off as condescending and kind of a dick. I don't love the vibe I'm getting from him. But tomorrow is his last day as our SM so i won't have to deal with him unless he comes to help out or whatever.  

I actually stopped what i was doing just now to go lurking on social media but like i can't find him witch is weird to me too. I don't know mans weird. Also that twat Caleb worked tonight with Diamond and she has been texting me through the night telling me that he isn't doing his job. He's such a lazy asshole. I told her that she needs to have a conversation with him because he clearly isn't getting the concept of the job these days...maybe he never did. We got walkies back, which we haven't even had them for like over a year, which is fucking crazy to me. Like if you needed to talk to someone, you legit would have to run around the store to find them and talk to them. I'm so relieved that we got them, i was actually a little excited when Justin brought me one this morning. Also i want to pat myself on the back because i did it, i did everything that i was supposed to get done before 9am. Actually i did it as it hit 9, which was cool. So i did the outside cooler, inside cooler, milk fill, meat backstock and meat. I opened the cooler door to take my empty pallet out and it hit 9. I was like fuck yeah. So now i know for a fucking fact that it's not impossible. So when these motherfuckers like Caleb don't do a milk fill or don't do meat backstock in the morning i know they're being lazy or just full of shit. I don't know, but i got it done, so it is fully possible. I was sweating like a bitch by the end though for sure. It's definitely a work out working at Aldi. Whoever said working there was easy is a fucking idiot and don't know a damn thing about it. "Oh yOu WoRK aT AlDi, iTS NicE YoU gET To JusT Sit DoWN aND RiNg" BITCH IF YOU DON'T GET OUT MY FACE.  And yes I'm mocking you too if you be thinking that. Those people irritate me. I don't go around telling people that their job must b easy because all they have to do is seat people at a restaurant or like must be easy to find people whatever room is empty at a hotel. Why? Because i don't know the full extent of their job, like how ignorant do y'all sound saying stupid shit like that c'mon now. 

So I'm watching some more of The Handmaids tale right, and one of the characters just got reunited with their kid. But like because she was in Gilead for so long you know it's taking some time for her to process back into the normal people world. (By the way Gilead is pronounced like Gil-Lee-add i feel like that's not a given if you're reading it from a persons point of view that doesn't know the show.) So in order for her to see her kid that got out of Gilead safely, it's a whole transition for her mentally and emotionally. And it's got me crying over here because even the kid himself is so big and considerate of her emotional state he legit goes, "I'm not supposed to hug you until you're ready." And it's just like a really touching scene. I can't imagine what it's like for someone to go through all that this women has gone through and be that apart from their child. In this particular case, the child was safe the whole time, which is astonishing considering most of the kids that didn't get out of Gilead, were given to other families and told that that's their parents now. The trauma just those children must go through is sickening. Even though this is apparently a good way of life according to the people who have created the world of Gilead. They believe that it's not tearing these kids away from their parents, oh no. They believe that they are given a new home with a better opportunity to live and thrive. As if the families they were with before didn't love or care about them enough or weren't under the influence of God and the proper world that they think is right. These kids can have these new families and told that they have new parents, but if they are old enough at the time they are going to remember these people who are their real family and wonder why they aren't with them anymore. Most likely being told that they weren't wanted by them or that they weren't supposed to be with them. They don't consider the impact that it could have on the children's mind in the future they truly believe that they are doing "gods work". Let's be real man, they don't know what went on in the homes of the people who originally had these kids. The whole concept is fucked up. 

Tonight is a 100% waxing Gibbous moon by the way. Tomorrow it should be at peaked full moon status!. I did do a beautiful spell tonight. I love the craft and how it makes me feel honestly. Like i was thinking about it a bit earlier in the day that i wanted to do something this evening and tomorrow i'll put out my stones to be fully charged. I'll b making some more moon water. I want to paint with it agqin. I Haven't painted in a bit yet again. I was alos thinking about Making a Colligraphy piece and putting that as my Cover photo for this story. I've gotten fairly good at it and it'd be really cute if i can put it over my photography work. Would you call this a story???? I guess yeah it is. It's my story isn't it. I like the sound of that thought. It's wild because like I really did used to say i could totally write a story about my life and what's happened to me and the people that i know. I mean to be fair it is pretty interesting if you like don't know me and you have a mildly normal life. But if we are honest, there isn't many people that can say they have a normal life. Like there is almost always somebody in a persons life that is toxic or has a negative factor about them. I tend to draw people in that are the positives of their lives. Like there are obviously people that i let in that were by mistake. But i try my hardest to not allow myself to give any of my energy to those negative people. And i do a pretty good job with it. For the time being i do like my life. I like how chill it is. I keep to myself because i ejnoy my own company. But i was thinking about it earlier how i need to start to find something to do with my time on my days off other than going out and spending money i don't have. But to be fair, i don't always be going out. I mean i do pay bills on my aparetment for a resason, i don't pay as much as i do for just a place to sleep you know. But even on days like today, i came home from work with not much to do, but i was tired so i napped for a bit. I thought about it before my nap that i need to find something to do with my time, to occupy myself. Change it up a little bit and something that won't cost me a shit ton of money like shopping does. It is harder for me because i don't drive or have a car. But i do want to work on that. I did tell myself that i really need to go to the DMV. I actually was going to yesterday but i got up later than anticipated and the BMV closed sooner than i thought too so i didn't really have time to get ready and go. Or that's just me making an excuse to not go. I think I'm kind of scared to go though. It's not because there's a lot of people and it's not because I'll be going alone, i think it's because i don't want to fail the test. You see back when i got my permit the first time, it took me a dozen tried to pass it...maybe more. I just hate tests. But...like i need it to be different this time. I am hoping that like i have gotten better with my anxiety and all that to where i can take the test no more then like 3 times if need be...but honestly i know all of what i need to its just the test taking aspect of it. If i don't pass i just know I'm going to be really hard on myself about it. That's just because i know i can do it, i just need to relax and take my time when i do it. I tend to want to rush or overthink stuff. but it has been a while since I've taken a test of any kind, so I'm hoping i will be fine. I have to be fine. I will be fine. I can do it. Tell me i can do it.  I have to believe in myself. Next time i have the opportunity to go i am going to go. I can't make an excuse unless i genuinely can't go because i don't have a way to get there. 

Dear Chloe,

Chloe. You can do this. You are smart. You are brave. You are one of the most bold people that you know. Anyone that says any different are intimidated by you. I love you. And you are legit so strong. You have survived so much and dealt with so many things that simply can break most individuals. The fact that you survived your teenage years is astonishing within itself. You have fought mental battles that no one person has ever known about. Please understand that you are literally the light of your own life when there is no one else, you will always have you. That's not something a lot of people can say, and you should be so proud of yourself. The tears that you have shed have always been with good reason. You have questioned your existence time after time. But your life has just begun. I hope that you get every pure positive intention manifestation that you have put into the universe. You do deserve it and you do deserve to be able to continue to get better and heal from all the shit that you have dealt with. I love you so much Chloe...there is no such thing as perfect, just what is right for you. And you are everything. Don't question how much you mean to anyone, just ponder on the fact that you mean the world to you and no one can take that from you. Be good to yourself, and try not to worry so much about what other people think. That's including how you look physically. Keep going my love...and enjoy the ride while you can. Good night Chloe, you magnificent Queen. You'll meet your King someday i promise, when the time comes you'll know. Sleep well tonight.  Follow that Intuition forever and always. 444