Sleep With Me [completed]

she disappeared.

the bathroom door was closed perfectly. I almost forgot that Jieun is still here.

one hour. we arrived at my apartment an hour after my madness chased that strange woman.

sitting on the white couch in the middle of the room, her face slowly popped up in my head.

her smile, stubborn, until her last look before he finally walked away from me.

"can we stop all this, please."

how stupid I was to just silently let her let go of her grasp and just walk away. it took me a while until I realized that it was my last chance to fix everything.

missing her direction, I exerted all my energy running towards the exit hoping that she wasn't far. hope that I'm not too late.

I saw her, still walking with her head down. her body still vibrates violently. I'll never let l of this happen again. I will be with her whatever happens.

I almost fell down when my body stopped suddenly seeing who was approaching her. the promise I just said in my heart just evaporated.

that man appears again. he was there as if he was waiting for Chaeyoung to finish everything with me. maybe from the beginning they had agreed to come to this place together. Chaeyoung was still sobbing and the man approached then pulled her hand. he finally hugged her for a while before finally embracing Chaeyoung to walk together.

it felt painful but my consciousness managed to suppress my selfishness. at that time I realized that maybe what she said was true. our togetherness only makes us hurt each other. she has the right to be happy even not with me in her life.

living the reality is far more difficult than I imagined. the pain feeling always came when I was alone with the appearance of her face without stopping in my mind.

this is not the first lost I have felt in my life. first was when my parents decided to divorce and split up. next was when Jieun decided to end our engagement. anger overwhelms me when everything happens. Jieun, the best friend who finally became my fiance left me alone, making it clear that she gave up her doubts about our relationship.

I never thought that what happened between me and Jieun finally brought me to the woman who changed my life, Park Chaeyoung.

losing Chaeyoung clearly had a far different effect from all the lost I had felt before. without realizing it, her existence already has an irreplaceable place in me. long before she left me, I had fully realized that Chaeyoung was not just my sleep's friend like she said. there is something about her existence that is difficult for me to explain.

passing through the night with her presence beside me brings memories of being sidelined at my nights. since her by my side, something calm has made me sleep peacefully every night. It was reluctant to let the night pass quickly.

with her, what I felt was comfort that I hadn't found for a long time. without realizing it, many small things she did that caught my attention. how she always tries to get out of bed with her effort so as not to disturb my sleep. I wish she knew that it was precisely her existence that made everything so complete. how she can look so strong but fragile at the same time. the way she looked at me every time reminded me that my presence had a special meaning for her. it made me realize that my existence in this world finally had a special meaning for someone. I need her just like she needs me.

without her, I increasingly lost direction. the first six months after her disappeared, the feeling of regret that I felt led me to end up unconscious because of alcohol every night. the following month my situation improved slightly when I realized that I should try to find her to make up for everything. what I hope for is only an opportunity to say sorry and admit what I've been talking about quietly.

I need her. more than all that, I love her. my efforts to find her ended in vain. she successed to disappear without a trace.

I went to all the places where she might leave a trail. the bakery shop that I believe is where she works which leads me to the house where she lives. the information I got from people around said that the owner of the house had died a few months ago while the husband had been imprisoned shortly after the wife died. real evidence that I have hurt Chaeyoung far from my expectations.

a gentle swipe on my shoulder made me regain consciousness from my thoughts. Jieun smiled flat then took her place beside me.

"I can help to arrange materials while you can take a shower and take a short break."

"you should rest immediately and don't think of things."
she shook her head clearly rejecting the idea I said.

"no before I'm sure you're fine."

"I'm fine."

she shook her head again.
"you were never fine when the memories of Rosie playing in ur head."

whatever she said. I will never win if I have to argue with her. I went to the bathroom intending to leave her.

"...what do you do when you find her? you can't just hope to find her forever."

that question also had appeared in my mind before. Jieun is right. I really should be what I should do when I find her. no one has ever known whether she would like to see me now.

"it's late night, Jieun. you better go home. I'm sure Hyunjin must be worried."

I hope that by bringing the name of Hyunjin, a man who has the status of her husband now, can make her give up and leave me alone.

"don't change the subject, Jeongguk. after all, Hyunjin must know that I can't be anywhere else than here."

she is still unmoved in her place.

changing my attitude after Chaeyoung's disappeared made me and Jieun both aware that what I felt about Chaeyoung was far different from our feelings for each other.

Just like me, Jieun understands that what is between us is a relationship on the basis of friendship that we misinterpreted as love.

even though she never admitted it, I guess it also made her decide to choose to pursue her career amid her uncertainty over the plans for our last marriage. fortunately, the big mistake didn't happen. that mistake actually make me met with Chaeyoung, someone who finally made me realize in the true sense of love. Jieun finally finds love when he meets Hyunjin.

Jieun has never changed. no matter the fact that she already had someone by her side, she was always by my side as a friend who tried to help me through the hardest times of this past five years.

"how can you deal with it if you answer my question as hard as this for you?"

nobody knows the answer to that question before I really found her.