Sleep With Me [completed]

temporary or forever.

the sky is still a little dark but there are people moving around this pool. surprisingly finding this place as my comfort spot.
he was still asleep when I left the room.

that terrible incident still stuck in my mind. makes me lose my spirit even to just take a breath. but what happened these days also made it clear that I needed Jeongguk more than anything.

I already depend on it.

that reality is so horrible because this means I have new fears that I might not be able to control.

fear to lose him. absurd fears that in fact will surely happen someday. I felt like I was faced with the choice to throw myself into the abyss that I knew was endless. I don't know how long I spent sitting here quietly digesting everything.

the sun was almost setting and the sky was dark when I back to the apartment. the room is empty. maybe Jeongguk is leaving. all that was left was the bed and the blanket that I remembered wrapping his body earlier.

when I past the pantry table, I found my cellphone lying there. I don't even remember that all day I left that thing just like that.

there are seven missed calls. two of Jeongguk at 8oclock and 5 calls from Tae.

why did jeongguk called me at eight in the morning?
the person who just crossed my mind just appeared when the apartment door opened. his breath was still panting. his eyes showed shock that slowly turned into relief. he stepped closer then without saying a word, he pulled my body in his arms.

"I thought you disappear"

his arms are tight. his hands are full circle reaching all parts of my back.

does this mean I can start dreaming about happiness again?

---

everything goes so fast. maybe it's too fast. the clock count changes to days. counts of the day change to weeks. and the number of weeks changes to months.

there is no meaningful debate. there are no questions or statements. everything just goes that well.

a gentle kiss every time he wants to leave this place. a passionate kiss that followed almost every night. is this what is called happiness?

that fear still exists. afraid of drowning with the realities that exist and forget that the relationship between us starts with something that is not good.

but the question of whether this is all good also finally appears asking for an answer.

I don't know and don't want to know.

my selfishness and maybe what happened to me taught me to enjoy everything before all this ended. after all, no one will ever know that maybe this is my chance to be happy for a long time.

living with him is like a time bomb that stops at 00; 01.
nobody knows whether the machine has stopped completely or the opportunity to return to work and explode.

I realized I had the choice to leave before the explosion took place, but enjoying all the time left in the end became my choice. nobody knows when the explosion occurred. maybe there will also be no explosion because the time bomb has stopped completely.

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