Sleep With Me [completed]

over.

none of us are interested in drinks in front of us. tonight is quiet just like the nights before. no one in here left us both sitting face to face in silence.

he took me to the coffee shop near the apartment pool. his grip still felt in my wrist. even until we sat down, it took a while until finally he took off his grip. from our closeness now, I realized that there were dark circles under his eyes. his fatigue was clearly illustrated on his face. I'm sure my appearance is no less chaotic with him now.

we are both messed up. I don't know how long we were silent and how many times he had to throw his breath heavily.

"how long will we hurt each other like this?"
I managed to break the silence that was there.

"until you say everything."
he leaned towards me as if waiting for me to end this whole thing.

"what is the importance of all that when you don't even..."

"so all of this is back about marriage?"

is that all that is in his mind?

"I never mentioned marriage Jeongguk. not at all. I know my position. I know how far I have to dream."

my anger again lured when he again assumed the last thing appeared in my head right now.

"I am fully aware of the relationship between us and it starts with something wrong. so wrong that we end up hurting each other like this."

"so do you think everything we've been through all this time is also the wrong relationship?"

this time his voice is rising.

"if it's not wrong, what do you call it? in fact you consider me no more than your sleep's friend."

he fell silent. behind my tears which flowed back vaguely I saw the shock on his face.

"that is absolutely not true."

"you've made everything clear when you say all of this will end when we feel saturated."

the vibrations of my voice were clear and I said the sentence that made my nerves in my body hurt.

"then does that mean you are saturated?"

he always managed to find the best way to corner me.

"I've lost everything, Jeongguk.
my pride, my mother, even..."

my tears flowed again. my chest feels tight suddenly. I was quiet trying to get the deepest breath I could to give me the power to finish everything.

"until I also lost a baby that I never realized."

our breath was held together. my tears flowed more profusely.

remembering everything is too painful. the cramps I felt after back from the carnival with him were not a period cramps that I feel. I realized when everything was too late.

on the day of eomma's death, in fact, not only eomma leave, but the fetus who was in my birth also followed after.

all that memories are painful. very painful. how did I end up losing something that I never realized existed. I am in fact no better than my  real mother who abandoned her child. In contrast to me who killed the innocent child without my knowledge.

my sobs are getting out of control. my body starts to tremble. a tear also flowed from his eyes.

"m-my child?"

"everything feels like it's enough, Jeongguk. our time only makes us hurt each other and even sacrifices... "

I'm sure he understands what I mean.

"maybe our affair begins with the wrong way and maybe basically two people who are both hurted aren't supposed to be together."

I started raving. his eyes were still fixed on the hands on the table. his gaze is empty.

"I thought if you just say you love me all of this will be fine. sadly, it's even difficult for you to admit that you love me."

he still doesn't budge any reaction.

"in the end we have to admit that we are two people who are wrong for each other."

I said trying to find his gaze but failed.

with the rest of the courage I had, I grabbed his still clasped hand. he finally looked back at me. his tears had wet his cheeks.

"Jeongguk, can we end all of this? please."

THE END.

just kidding.