Fools

Part 13

"Bloody hell Cate, oh my god." Joe sprung up from the couch and came over to hug me. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed my forehead, I hugged him back even tighter. We pulled away and Joe kissed me, then placed his hand on my cheek. "What are you doing back here?" I placed my hand ontop of his and looked up at him. I fought back so much tears from just breaking down in-front of him, but now wasn't the time.
"I just couldn't stay away I guess." I said and shot him a faint smile.
"Well I'm glad you're back. You look beautiful." Joe pulled me into another hug, I felt so safe with him. Why did I ever have to let go of this peace, it's making me lose my sanity.
"Cate, I'm going to grab your stuff from the car, mind helping me out Caspar?" Zoe asked, Caspar nodded his head and they both left the room.
"How long are you staying?" Joe asked me, I shrugged and sat down at the island. "Are you hungry?" I shook my head, eating was the last thing I wanted to do. Joe frowned and came over to sit next to me. "Babe, what's up?" He asked with sadness in his voice. I knew I was hurting him but I didn't know how to tell him. I'm starting to suck as a person.
"Here you go Cate." Zoe said as she and Caspar set down my few little bags I had.
"Thank you guys. I think I'm going to take a shower, I feel icky." I got up from the island, kissed Joe on the cheek and walked to pick up my stuff. I gave Zoe and Caspar a hug then grabbed my bags. "I'll see you later Zoe."
"Okay Cate, text me if you need anything." Zoe said before I walked into Joe's room. I set down my stuff on the bed and picked out an outfit from one of my bags. I went into the bathroom and started the water for my shower. I looked at myself in the mirror for a few minutes reliving last night when I saw myself drunk, sobbing and just had been taken advantage of. And here was that same girl. I began crying until I heard the bathroom door open, I quickly wiped away my tears and bent over the sink.
"Can I come in?" I turned my head to look at Joe and nodded my head. I wrapped my arms around myself and looked down onto the bathroom floor. "I know you're not okay Cate, I know somethings up with you. You don't have to tell me now, or at all if you're not ready. But I'm in love with you Cate Elizabeth, and your problems will always be my problems." He kissed me and pulled me into a hug. I missed Joe in words beyond explanation. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have him. We took off our clothes, and I stepped into the shower as Joe followed behind me. I stood under the showerhead and let the warm water hit my skin. Joe tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and began kissing my neck. I closed my eyes and placed my hand on the back of his neck. I turned around and began kissing Joe, I could feel the smiles in his kisses. I felt terrible. Each time we kissed, each moment with Scott replayed in my head, the moment he pushed my head into the seat, I pulled away from Joe. "Cate, what's wrong?" I ran my fingers through hair and shook my head.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I looked up at him and I could tell that I was hurting him, shit I was hurting myself. I just kept hurting Joe more and more as time went by. And that's when I knew that I was falling apart even more than I was before, because I was hurting the person I loved most in this world. The person I had loved more than myself.

Later that Day;
Joe and I layed in bed pretty much all day, we never really left his room. I was in and out of sleep continuously throughout the day so Joe and I didn't really talk much, I guess that's okay because it avoided me having to tell him anything or completely lie to his face. I looked over to the clock and saw it was already 5, I turned over and Joe sleeping softly next to me. I smiled faintly before getting out of the bed. I walked out to the kitchen and saw Caspar and Oli sitting at the island.
"Hey there stranger," I said to Oli, he turned and looked at me. "long time, no see huh?" He got up from the island and came over smiling, pulling me into a hug.
"Cate? What are you doing here?" Oli asked once we pulled away.
"I'm just visiting for a few days, nothing big." He nodded his head and smiled.
"Well we gotta do some fun stuff while you're visiting then huh?" I giggled.
"Sure Oli, sure. Just make sure it's a day when I don't wake up at 5 at night." He laughed and nodded.
"Okay, great."
"Caspar, dearest brother, can you make me a cup of Joe?" I smirked. "Ahh, did you see what I did there?" We all laughed. "No but seriously, can you?" Caspar looked over at me and rolled his eyes, then nodded his head. "Yay thank you." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and sat down at the island. Caspar began making my coffee and Oli sat next to me, all we did was talk. Not about the situation with Scott because I wanna tell Joe before I begin to tell anyone else, but we talked about each other, you know, how we've been doing lately. Of course I lied on a few occasions, but knowing I could even have a conversation with these two, meant everything considering I barely had Syd back at University. It made me scared to go back because Zoe and everyone else are far away from me. But I'm here now, so are they, and that's all that matters. I had about two cups of coffee, which probably wasn't the smartest idea for it being about 6:30, but I hugged them both and then decided to go back into the room where Joe was. He was still sleeping, so I ran and jumped on-top of him which woke him right up.
"Mmmm" Joe said sleepily.
"Wake uppp." I started kissing his cheek over and over. He turned over so I was fully sitting on-top of him, he rubbed his eyes and I smiled. "It's almost 7, we both literally slept all day, time to get up." I told him.
"I don't want too, just let me sleep." I kissed him on his cheek a couple more times until he pushed me off. "Cate." He said and rolled back over.
"What did I do?" I asked as I just sat there on his bed. I should already know what's happening, he's growing distant with me because I'm doing it too him. Joe stayed quiet. "Joseph. What did I do?"
"I don't know Cate." He got up from bed. "Why don't you ask yourself what you did. Clearly you don't need me to be here for you anymore."
"Need you anymore? What in the actual fuck Joseph, who said I didn't need you?" I got up off the bed and walked towards him.
"Bloody hell, stop calling me by my fucking name Cate, jesus fucking christ." Joe had never swore at me like that, or even remotely raised his voice at me. "This is bullshit Cate and you know it, you come back and act like I'm a fucking stranger to you who has no clue what's going on in your life. Oh, and you wanna know why I don't? Because you don't fucking tell me jack shit. I mean jesus Cate, we used to tell each other everything. You never gave a damn about our promises huh?"
"Fuck you. I cared about everything and you know that."
"Fuck you? You wanna say fuck you to me Cate? You can go tell the next person who wants to help you 'fuck you', but not me. You never gave a shit."
"I never gave a shit?!" I began to yell. "I was fucking scared. I was scared to be with you Joe. But I did it anyway and I fell in love with you. I fucking sacrificed my own fucking happiness just to even be in your presence as I am now. So don't tell me that I never gave a shit. And you wanna know something? You were never like any of ex's, not a damn one of them. You know why? Because you actually made me feel like someone cared about me. But that's not what you're showing me right now."
"BECAUSE YOU AREN'T TELLING ME ANYTHING CATE. I HAVE TO KEEP WONDERING IF YOU'RE OKAY BECAUSE YOU WON'T GIVE ME THE REASSURANCE." Joe yelled.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU JOE? HUH? THAT I'M NOT JUST VISITING YOU FOR FUN? THAT I WENT TO A PARTY AND I WAS FUCKING RAPED? THAT I WAS SO DRUNK THAT MY BODY STARTED TO GO NUMB DURING THE MIDDLE OF IT. THAT THE TEARS IN MY EYES FELT LIKE ACID AND I WANTED HIM TO STOP BUT I COULDN'T EVEN TELL HIM TOO BECAUSE IT'S LIKE NO ONE COULD HEAR ME? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING??" I shouted and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I bursted into tears as soon as I hit the floor, I wanted Joe to trust me, I wanted to tell Joe everything, but not this way.

———-
heyo , it's so cold in my school rip & i'm sleepy , but here's an update ! -destiny (: