Fools

Part 39

the same day, lilah's pov;

"Hey Syd." I smiled and sat down across from her at a table.
"Hey! I was starting to think you bailed." She laughed.
"No, no," I laughed. "I just got hung up on something." She smirked.
"Ooh okay, I see. So any-who, what's been going on?" She asked.
"Well," I sighed. "So you know how we went to visit with Caspar, Joe and Zoe over the break?" She nodded. "Well, Joe took me being there and the whole breakup thing with them really hard, he was drunk literally the whole time we were there pretty much, but we also went and met with Zoe for her wedding details and such. But the night before, Cate and I had slept together." Her jaw dropped. "Yeah, I know. Anyways, so speeding up, everything was fine on the last day we were there, Cate made amends with Joe as did I, and we left it at that. Since then though, Joe and I have gotten close and became friends, Cate said she was fine with it." She rolled her eyes, I nodded in agreement. "And then just a couple of days ago , Cate and I were having lunch and she basically told me that she wants to take a break from us."
"But you guys aren't actually together right?"
"Right. So that's where I'm like why are we talking a break from nothing? Like yeah we have feelings for each other but have never said or put a label on things. So I'm taking it as friends wise too. But she mentioned that like she's scared Joe and I might start seeing each other if her and I are on a break."
"And would you?" She asked.
"No of course not! While we were there, dude literally called me a bitch to my face & was just downright disrespectful, it doesn't matter if he was drunk, sober, whatever the case, but I would never go for someone who calls me out of my name without even knowing my name." Sydney nodded. "And especially too, like that's Cate's ex, I was doing whatever with Cate, seeing her, not seeing her. I wouldn't go for her ex just because she wants a break from me. Joe and I are just friends and he knows his boundaries anyways."
"Yeah, geez. That's a lot." I nodded. "So how do you feel now? Like about the break and just Cate in-general."
"I mean yeah, I'm okay with it. I was never going to hold it against her cause she's free to do what she wants just like I am. And I really do care about her, if we aren't together I just want our friendship to stay intact. But at the same time too with the relationship thing, she can't expect me to wait around for her so she can pick me up & we'll be exactly where we left off, it doesn't work like that. We were never dating to begin with, and yeah it hurts cause we slept together & it takes a lot for me to be that close with someone, but if I have to move on, I will."
"Yeah, I mean I personally wouldn't wait around either, us as humans we go where the affection is. Cate's my best-friend, but I obviously won't defend her cause I'm not on either side. But I mean like I'm sure it has been a lot for her to take in and she tends to jump into things before she's really thought them through. But that doesn't mean what she was feeling for you wasn't true. And I know she believes you when you say you won't get together with Joe, I'm sure that just comes from the insecurity she has from him cheating on her." Sydney told me, I nodded.
"Yeah I guess I didn't think of it that way. It's just I'm hurt you know? I thought everything was going good & maybe, just maybe we'd end up being together? But I guess I just can't give her what she needs right now."
"Yeah, I totally understand, I'm sorry. So are you guys still friends?"
"Yeah, kind of sorta. She's been messaging me but I haven't been responding, cause like literally our situation was basically friends with benefits if you really want to put some sort of label on it. And then if she's asking for a break, isn't that asking to not be friends for a while?"
"Yeah, I'd take it that way too." I nodded again then started playing with my fingers. "Listen Ly, do whatever you need to make yourself feel good, to make yourself happy. I know for a while, months even, you guys were really close. But take this time to get to know other people maybe? See how that works out for you, cause you could be so hung up on Cate when really Cate isn't who you're supposed to be with in the end. I wouldn't say shut her completely out, but give her the space from you that she asked for from her. This semester's almost over, classes are changing, I know your birthday's coming up, so just enjoy this break & take it for yourself. Don't worry about Cate's choices and what she wants from you. Find out what you want from yourself."
"Thank you Syd, and thanks for talking & listening to me, I really needed to just vent really quick." She got up and held her arms out for a hug, I went in.
"Of course Lilah, I'm here if you ever need a friend, I know what it's like to need someone & not have anyone. I've been on the end of the whole Cate situations before, so don't worry about it." I smiled during the hug, I felt her phone vibrate. We pulled away & she looked at her phone. "Shit, so I guess class is back on now? My prof is so bloody weird dude." I laughed. "You gonna be okay?" I nodded and we both smiled. "Okay good, I'll see you." She hugged me again before she left.

Sydney was right, I'm really going to embrace this break & give it my all to make myself comfortable again. Maybe Cate really isn't who I'm to be with, and with her being at the ends of this before, not really the same exact situation but with dealing with stuff with Cate, they ended up being fine & rekindled what they had, that could eventually happen to us. I took a deep breath then exhaled. I started walking out of the building and back towards my dorm. I had a lot to think about from here on out.

a couple hours later;

Ever since I got back from seeing Sydney, I've been binging Love Island UK and stuffing my face with popcorn. I had absolutely nothing to do, no assignments, no classes for the next two days, and other than Sydney, no one to talk to so I'm just lounging around at this point. I really wish I had Ashton's number himself, so I could text him before he could text me. I still haven't received anything, maybe he forgot about me. :// ugh.

I rolled over to lay on my back in the middle of my bed, I ran my fingers through my hair & took some more deep breaths. Why do I feel so stressed out when there's really nothing to be stressed out over? I moved my head up to see the sun was starting to set, tears formed in my eyes so I covered underneath my blanket, another night basically wasted. Ugh I need to fucking run away. I feel so pathetic right now dude, I'm really letting this get to me & I wish I wasn't so fucking sensitive over it cause it's really not this fuckin deep. God I'm so stupid.

I rolled back over onto my side & curled up in the fetal position holding my pillow close. At this point I'm starting to really dislike Cate. She really only gives a damn about herself if we're honest, yeah she might've cared at one point about my feelings but for her to do this when there was literally nothing wrong with our relationship through this time, she was sooo fucking happy right? Like it's just not fucking fair. I wiped the tears from my face and could feel anger arising in me, I'm so tired of being sad about this cause now it's just resentment, I'm pissed. I sat up quickly and started taking some deep breaths to calm myself down, I ran my fingers through my hair again. I looked outside again & saw it was dark now. I sighed then grabbed my phone. Oh my god, he texted me!! I got up from my bed and started smiling soo fucking hard. I read the message,

from ; unknown
'hey :) is this the girl i had met earlier? lilah was it?'

response; 
'funnyy aha, i put my name in your phone remember ;)' i'm so cringy, help me rn. i couldn't stop smiling though.

a; 'yes you did :) so btw if you didn't remember me, this is ashton.'
l; 'ofc i remember.' stopppp.
a; 'good haha. anyways, how are you?'
l; 'i'm well, you?'
a; 'good. i'm good also. hey so did you have an plans tonight?'
l; 'oh yeah, a bunch actually.'
a; 'aw man, that's too bad. i was going to see if you wanted to come to a party tonight? me and a couple of my mates are heading down to a frat party off campus.'
l; 'i could clear my schedule for you, would you like? :)' omg.
a; 'that'd be wonderful actually.' ahhh my smile hasn't went away this whole conversation dude.
l; 'perfect :)'
a; 'where's your dorm, i can come meet you.'
l; 'aren't you going with your friends as well?'
a; 'yeah, we can always meet them there:)'
l; 'well okay then, give me a second to get myself together and then we can go'
a; 'sounds good. but hey, you never gave me your dorm number haha'
l; 'ahh yes, it's the east building, room 235. are you just going to wait downstairs or?'
a; 'sure, i can wait downstairs if you'd like, i can message you when i arrive'
l; 'okay :)'

I locked my phone and covered my face with my hands, ugh I'm so fucking excited!! I cannot wipe this smile off of my face for the life of me right now. I threw my phone on my bed and started going through my dresser. I found this grayish, with black spots spaghetti strapped dress, I never actually wore this before but maybe tonight would be a good night. I put it on and slipped on some fishnet tights, then threw on my black high-top converse. I put my hair in a claw-clip, taking out my frame pieces, ugh so effortless and it usually takes me a minute to perfect that one. I just threw on some concealer on some spots and added some blush and mascara with a little lip gloss. This is the first time I'm feeling so good about not only the way I look but how I'm feeling about myself in general. I put the lip gloss in an over the shoulder purse, it was black with a few rhinestones on it. I put my charger in there also and just sat back down on my bed. Now we wait for Ashton to get here.

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