17BLACK

Chapter 82

SO NOT TO SPOIL ANYTHING BUT THERE IS GOING TO BE MENTIONING OF PHYSICALLY HARMING YOURSELF LATER IN THE CHAPTER AND IT MAY BE A TRIGGER FOR ANYONE HAVING A PROBLEM WITH THAT SO IF YOU NEED A RECAP AND DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT THE TRIGGERS THEN I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU NO PROBLEM AT ALL JUST MESSAGE ME OR SOMETHING :)

Harry's POV:

"What do you see when you look at the sky?" Louis questions as he holds my hand.

We're on the roof of his apartment, the city loud around us. The greenhouse is gone, leaving nothing but a dark spot in its place. Louis told me that it's at Will's place now, since Aaron now lives there. I think that it made him feel unneeded, but he would never admit to it.

I sigh, still wanting an answer to my question. He still hasn't told me why he dragged me up here.

"Stars. I see stars." They're everywhere, the city lights nearly drowning them but if I look hard enough I can pick them out.

"No. I mean, figuratively what do you see?" I clear my head and look again. All I can see, though, is Louis in the corner of my vision. His hair is standing to attention, his shirt hanging loosely off of his shoulders and his boxers peeking out from under the shirt. He had flat out refused to wear mine, which I took as a bad sign.

"I see a sky full of possibilities," I lie. Why would I be paying any attention to a sky when Louis is standing next to me? It's just a sky, what's a sky compared to Louis? I look down at his empty finger, the finger that used to wear the ring I have him. It causes sadness to replace the joy from the sex we just had.

Louis lets go of my hand and wraps his arms around himself. He shies away when I try to touch him.

"See? That's why we can't be together." His voice is sad, and I'll never understand why he wants to cause himself all of this pain.

"Want to explain why you think that?" I want to shake his shoulders, scream at him until he understands how amazing he is, but that's not necessary right now. It would only make things worse.

"You see the glass like its half full, but all I can think about is how empty it is. You look at the sky and see positivity, and I see-"

"Wait. I know what you see. You see black nothing, a sea full of room to get lost in. If you look at it long enough you'll feel like it's swallowing you whole, but in a way you'll like the feeling of being basked in nothing because that's what you feel inside and it only seems fit that your outside matches your inside." He gapes at me, probably wondering if I have psychic powers that I haven't told him about. Me? I'm done. I'm done with him feeling sorry for himself and done with this self pity ruining our relationship.

"Why are you going to understand that I know you? More than you know yourself. Now tell me the real reason you think we shouldn't get back together and don't give me some hypothetical bullshit." That's what this is, an excuse for him to whine about being lonely. He doesn't want people to care for him, doesn't want to feel loved.

And oh, how he deserves it.

He sits down, resting his hands against his knees and staring at the air in front of him. He's shivering, but he wouldn't let me touch him.

"You want a family. You should be with someone that can give you that." Excuses. All of this is a big excuse.

"I want you. And we could always adopt, there's no problem with that." I've accepted that already. A child is a child, no matter it's mine or not. I try to not think about how unfair it is that me and Louis can't have a baby together but two filthy criminals can if they're both a man and woman. It's not fair. We'd make great parents, and we still can be, but I'll never be told how our son or daughter has Louis' eyes and my curls, how her nose curves at the end just like Louis' does. It sucks. But I still consider it a fair deal if I get Louis out of it.