How Dare You?

XXXII - Broken

We've been on the road for too long. Hindi ko na din alam kung nasaan kami. Mukhang hindi kami pupunta sa amin or kanila Sophie.

"Bes, where are we going? Akala ko sa bahay niyo tayo." I curiously asked.

"No bes. Kuya will see you there. I don't want him bugging you around. We're going somewhere." She anwered lightly.

"Does Mama know? Sabi niya i-meet natin siya after her work." Tanong ko ulit.

"She knows bes, she said she'll be driving there too. Don't worry." She looked at me and smiled. I just nodded my head and smiled back.

I've been receiving text messages. I didn't dare look at them. Alam kong galing lang kanila Kit or sa mga kaibigan niya yan. Ayoko munang basahin kung ano man gusto nilang sabihin. I just hope they did some damage control.

I kept my gaze on the window, looking at all the buildings and tress passing by. I can't help but wonder what would've happened if Kit never made it into my life. Could we all be going through this right now? I might still continue living a normal life. Pero baka hindi ko nararamdaman kung paano mahalin, paano maging importante, at paano pahalagahan. Hindi ko rin siguro nararamdaman paano masaktan ng walang sugat sa katawan. Yung alam mong sirang sira ka sa loob.

I don't know what pushes him to do it. I mean, hindi naman pwede na sasabihin niya sakin na lasing lang at siya at lalaki siya kaya he was tempted to do it. Those times I thought we were trying to reconcile, he was out there having his bed warmed by another. It really feels heart breaking. Parang ang hirap hirap tanggapin.

The car halted on a resort front. How I wish this is a beach side. I want the calming atmosphere of the waves. Jonas opened the door for me, "Thank you." I simply said. My attention was caught with an empty beach but a very peaceful one.

I stood near the shore just looking out the sea. "Bes, we're going in. You want to stay here?" Sophie calmly asked. I lightly nodded and brought my gaze back to the sea and the sunset coming in a while.

I had empty thoughts for a while. Not until I asked myself, where do we go from here? What do we do now? I don't even know how should I talk to him. Hindi ko din alam kung paano siya papatawarin. Sa anong paraan? Ang gulo gulo.

I was lost in thought when I heard Jonas behind me, "Alex", agad akong napalingon sa kanya, "Hmm?", Mahimig kong tanong. "Your Mom's here."

I gazed at the sea one last time before I turned around and walked with Jonas.

"Is this yours?", Mahina kong tanong. "Nope, this is Mom's", nakita kong napangiti siya as he paused. "Regalo ni Dad sakanya before she passed away." He continued.

"I'm sorry for asking." I apologetically said. "No, it's fine. Don't worry." He smiled and I just smiled back.

We were at the porch and heard my Mom and Sophie talking. Pinigilan ko si Jonas. We were just near the door.

"This is all my fault. Hindi na dapat ako pumayag na gawin to ni Alvin. I shouldn't have sacrificed my daughter's heart." Naiiyak na sabi ni Mama. Lalo akong napatigil. What is she talking about? At bakit damay si Dad? What is happening?

"Tita.. I'm sure Alex will understand why you did it. We'll explain it to her." Kalmang sagot ni Sophie. Bakit alam niya? Anong alam niya?

"No. She's too hurt. If you saw how Kit was apologizing. It's too sincere, akala niya siguro hindi ko alam kung anong kasunduan nila. He thought I didn't know how he agreed to Alvin to swoon Alex and bring her to U.S." I heard mom crying. And what? Ginamit ni Dad si Kit? It was all a lie? Pinaniwala nila akong lahat?

I was on the verge of crying. I just don't feel hurt. I feel broken. Broken beyond repair. Nakakabaliw. How can they do this to me?! Ano bang kailangan nila? Ano bang kasalanan ko para gawin nila sa akin ito?

I was about to run when Jonas caught my arm, "Alex, saan ka pupunta?" Nag-aalala niyang tanong. "Please let me go. Babalik din ako. I just want to be alone." Umiiyak kong tugon habang kumakawala sa hawak niya. Hindi na siya sumagot kaya tumakbo na ako palayo. I don't know where I'm going but I just want to run away.

Galit ako sa kanilang lahat! How dare they play with my feelings? How do they soundly sleep at night knowing they're fooling someone?

It was getting darker, I stopped when I felt I was running out of breath. Halos wala na ring tumutulong luha ko. I don't know which part of the beach am I. Pero sumalampak ako ng upo sa buhangin. I feel so tired. Why does it have to be pain after another? Hindi po ba pwedeng isa-isa lang? Hindi ko po yata kakayanin. I started crying again. Sobrang sakit na kahit anong iyak ko yata eh hindi na magiging magaan ang pakiramdam ko.

Until I felt someone staring at me. Napatingin ako sa gilid ko at may bulto ng lalaking nakatayo doon. Agad akong napatayo, I was alarmed and scared. "Who are you?" Matapang pero nanginginig kong tanong.

Sinubukan niyang lumapit pero umatras ako, tumigil siya. "Naku, natakot ko ho ba kayo? Pasensya na. Rinig na rinig ko ho kasi ang iyak niyo. Ako ho si Bryan, trabahador ho ako dito." Mahinahon niyang sabi. Nilandas ko ang tingin ko sakanya, Matangkad, moreno, malaki ang bulto ng katawan, mejo matangos ang ilong at manipis na labi. Hindi mukhang trabahador lang.

"Iwanan mo na ako." Galit kong sabi at humarap muli sa dagat. "Naku mam, gabi na ho. Delikado na andito kayo mag-isa at malamang eh hinahanap na kayo. Masyado na hong malayo ito." Mahabang sabi niya.

"Sabi ko, iwanan mo ako mag-isa." May diin kong sabi.

"Hindi ho pwede mam." Sagot niya at agad akong napatingin sakanya, ang kulit nito ha. "Ang dalaga ho na tulad niyo hindi dapat iniiwan dito mag-isa ng umiiyak." Pagkatapos ay ngumiti siya ng tipid.

But Kit did, din't he?