How Dare You?

II - New Student

Jusko. Lord. Bat ganon? My heart freaking skipped a beat. Kinakabahan ako. Na parang natatae or naiihi, I don't know. I can feel an adrenaline. And I don't freaking know why. First time ko ba makakakita ng lalaki? Hindi naman. More like my first time to see a decent guy that I lik- - - WHAAAT? No waaaay!

Nakabalik na si Sophie sa table namin na may dala ng pagkain, she started eating and started blaberring. Her words incoherent for me, di ko siya maintindihan kasi iba yung tinatakbo ng utak ko. Ako nga di ko maintindihan sarili ko, magkakatime pa ba ko na intindihin siya?

"... then I was like lost at the library. Mukha akong tanga girl, hinintay na lang sana kita. Nakakaloka. Malay ko ba naman na ganun pala ka-complicated sa library."

Bakit ganito naiisip ko? Am I sick? Am I going insane? Baka stressed lang ako. I need some beauty rest. Hindi ko na talaga alam. I still have the note, crumpled in my hand. Di ko alam kung kaya ko pang makita kahit yung papel mismo. That small piece of paper sent shivers down my spine and it's such a creepy feeling.

".. next time, I'll spend more time in the library, than boys. Good idea no bes? Para di ako maganda lang, kahit nagmamaganda lang, okay na siguro yun, Para - Hoy Serena!"

Should I take a vacation? Try to keep away from anything as soon as possible. Okay yun diba? Magandang option yun diba? Yung 'ME' time. No distractions. No detractors. Walang ibang naka-focus. Kalmado ulit ang utak at puso ko, hindi yung ganito na parang binabagyo ako.

"SERENE!"

"What? Ano'ng nangyayare? Bakit mo ba ko sinisigawan Soph?" Gulat na tanong ko sakanya, Etong babaeng to hindi nakakatulong eh. Muntik ko na din mabitawan yung papel na hawak ko, but I tightened my grip more. Ayokong may ibang makabasa. Yung nakasulat doon, nakakabaliw man, pero gusto ko para sa akin lang iyon.

"Hello, I've been talking to you and telling you important matters bes, and you're like lutang all over the place. What's up?" She smiled playfully, "Sino yang iniisip mo ha?" She laughed.

Up? Jusko bes. Nababaliw na ata ako eh. Help meeeeeh. At alam kong kilala mo kung sino iniisip mo. Di ko na ata kinakaya ito.

"Wala. Baliw ka ba! I'm just really hungry. Let's finish eating so I can take some rest. Tambay tayo sa likod." Masungit kong sagot sa kanya.

She eyed me. "Sus, nahook ka lang ata sa new student eh. I told you, he's so hot and cute diba." She laughed again.

Napakunot noo ako para effect lang, but deep inside I was like, he's so perfect. "Of course not. Just like every other guy. A jerk." I finished.

I didn't dare to show Sophie the note I got. Alam kong di niya ko tatantanan and she'll make a big deal out of it. I don't want her watering any possible feelings and make them grow.

"Suuuuus. Wag ako bes ha. Siya na ba ang magpapabago sa The Good Girl Serene Alexandria Reyes?"

"Doesn't mean I'm not in to relationships, I'm already a good girl. I'm just waiting for the right time." Which is true. Pag never nagka boyfriend good girl na ba? Ayoko lang talaga ng relationships at hindi naman ako some kind of rebel to drink and party whenever.

I just kind of have my priorities set, study, graduate, work and let mom take a rest. Gusto ko maranasan ni Mama magtravel just because and not for any business reasons. I want to have a stable job and a good career. Then, once everything is set tsaka ako bubuo ng sarili kong pamilya.

"And finally bes, the Right Man came. Give Kit a chance, he might be something." How can you be so sure Soph that he is the right one? He might be some challenge, and if I take it, paano ako makakawala doon? He looks dangerous. For my heart.

I looked at him sitting 5 tables away from us. Yeah, he might be something. Something heartbreaking. He smile like he can sweep any girl that easy. His eyes can express feelings that can't easily be put into words. Yun ang nakakatakot. Yung pag napasayo sya, mahuhulog ka ng malalim at hindi mo alam kung hanggang saan ka niya kayang sapuhin.

"I think he's something. Something not worth taking risks for." Sabi ko kay Sophie with a serious tone. Iyon yung unang pumasok sa thought ko when I was trying to find an answer of what might be something he have.

"Bes, I really don't get it." She asked with a curious tone.

"What?"

"You're pretty, smart and talented. Boys are all over you. But you ought not to be with any of them."

There's nothing wrong with me. That I'm sure of. It's just the experience my family had because of the complicated thing called love. Doon ako takot. Takot akong mawasak. Takot akong mawala. Takot akong malunod. Atsaka, not because I am something of a woman eh kailangan may boyfriend ako. Hindi naman siguro required hindi ba?

Its hard to take chances for things you are not sure of. To wake up every morning uncertain if he'll remain in love with you until the sun sets. To have the uncomfortable feeling of inability to know whether he'll still look at you the same as he does. If you will still have the assurance that both of you are still on the same boat. When you don't make yourself look stupid for something unrequited.

"They're not just the way I want them to be. I haven't found that someone who is ready to make me feel that whatever happens everything remains to be."

"Love isn't supposed the way you want it to be. You have too complex perspective of love bes. And I hope, the new student, gives you a new perspective. For a change."

I hope too Sophie. I really hope he does.