Flirting With The Good Girl

Part1: Confessions Of A Lover Boy

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~Flirting With The Good Girl~

Chapter23: Part1: Confessions Of A Lover Boy

*Jake Parkers*

It hurts.

It hurts so much.

It's almost as if someone has ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it.

She loves him. She loves him so much.

I never knew anything could hurt so much. Being beaten by my own father hurt, but not like this. This is a different kind of hurt. This one leaves scars that no one else can see -that I can't even see but only feel.

People say a broken heart hurts but what do they know, honesty. It doesn't just hurt, no, it feels like ... I'm alone again.

I ball my hands into tight fists and squeeze my eyes shut. I want to disappear. I want to hide from everyone and let them forget who I am -forget I even exist. Just for a while, at least.

I bury my face in my pillow and pound my first furious against the mattress, wishing anything to get rid of these feelings for her. I was perfectly fine without her -or as perfect as I could ever get. I don't need her in my life because Ethan's right, if she can't keep me happy, then what's the point?

When ever it comes to Jessica, I only find myself heartbroken and hurt. And to make matters worse, she doesn't even know.

She doesn't know she's the reason I've basically changed who I am. She doesn't know what she does to me when I see her smile. She doesn't know that I'd give up everything to make her happy. She doesn't even know how if feels to let her go, just so she can be happy.

She doesn't know and that only seems to make the pain hurt more.

"It's okay, Jake." Jackson says as he sits down at the edge of my bed. "If she can't see how much you love her, then she doesn't deserve you."

But that doesn't make the pain go away.

"Forget about her. You'll love again. Find someone new, someone who can love you back."

"It's not that easy." I whisper.

"It can be." He says. "But Jake, I thought she was making you happy. I thought she was fixing the mess of you, but it only seems as if she made things worse."

"She doesn't know, Jackson. It's my own fault that I'm hurt."

"If she didn't know, Jake, if she couldn't see the love practically radiating off of you, then she's -"

"Don't say stupid." I hiss. "Don't call her stupid."

He grows silent and stares out my window.

Sure, I know I called her stupid once, she could be the stupidest person in the entire world, but that doesn't mean she should be labeled as that. And I don't even care if she is, I won't let others call her names because she didn't know. They don't know her so what gives them the right to judge her. She doesn't know, so what? That doesn't make her stupid, or dumb, or an idiot. And maybe it's good she doesn't know. Maybe it's not time for her to.

"Well then maybe she needs to know." Jackson says after a moment of silence. "Maybe you should tell her."

"No, I can't do that." I couldn't do that. "She's in love with Carter. I don't want to ruin things for her. She's already been through so much. There's no way she would even consider ... us."