Out of Control (I Wish... and Confusion Trilogy)

Chapter 53

"All I'll never know is if you want me, oh. If only I can look into your mind, maybe then I'll find a sign, of all I want to hear you say to me."

Chapter song: All You Never Say by Birdy

(Becca's p.o.v.)
-11am-
...I don't have any words right now. My heartstrings tug so violently from seeing the unthinkable, seeing Justin's lips on another woman, or another girl. I didn't believe it when I first saw it. It was like a bad dream, but if it were, I wouldn't be feeling so destroyed right now. I'd be shrugging it off, but this could actually be real.

Justin's mature hands were on her waist, her legs around his. His soft lips on hers, her immature hands around his neck. I just don't grasp it...He's my husband. He's wearing his fucking wedding ring while making out with a seventeen year old girl. What kind of messed up shit is this? At this point, I refuse to believe it. Justin would never in a trillion years cheat on me. He's never slipped at all since we've been together. It's been over three years. Why would he cheat now? Why?

There has to be a better truth to this. Maybe someone photoshopped the picture. Yeah, maybe those two pictures are edited to make it look like they're kissing. Fuck, what am I? A child? Of course, it's not edited. Justin kissed another girl. I just don't understand. I can't understand what's going on. My mind's running a marathon while I'm trying to concentrate. The thought is impossible. Justin's not that stupid. He'd never betray me like this. He'd never put his lips on anyone except me, attach his hands on anyone except me. Our bodies were meant for each other. Nothing can pulverize that.

My nervous fingers find their way to the smooth surface of my phone, yearning to call Justin, ask him about everything. The worst he can say is yes, shatter my heart to dust. Or he can deny it and leave me to question his honesty. Either way, calling him won't pacify me. My fingers tap on Justin's contact anyway, and my hand shakes as I hold the phone against my ear.

My heart hurts so bad. Seeing Justin kissing another girl makes me feel so flustered, so shocked, so fucking lost. What the hell happened? Is he serious? He can't be. Some people claim that it's all fake, but it doesn't look fake. I don't know what to believe. I don't want to believe in anything except that Justin loves me.

"Justin?" I fiercely bite my lip when I hear the ringing stop.
"Hey Becca," Justin sounds out of breath from the opposite line. My whole body freezes to the sound of his familiar voice.
"Hey, uhm, what are you doing?" My heart declines the act of settling down. It can't. It won't rest until it reaches the truth.
"I'm having dinner with some friends. Actually, I just stepped outside," he states confidently, causing me to breathe slightly normal once again. He doesn't sound anxious, not a hint of infidelity. Does he even know about the pictures?
"Friends?" I worriedly ask to myself, but I accidentally say it aloud.
"Yeah, dance crew," he adds while I tighten my grip on the chair arm, attempting to hinder my shaking. Him being with his dance crew equals him with Sofia.
"Oh...yeah, ok," I feel my chest crack a little, wanting to read his mind, wanting to emotionally interrogate him, scour through his thoughts.

"Hey, are you ok, babe? Is everything good over there?" Justin questions in light concern, and I release the arm of the chair just hearing his care for me. He still cares about me. That's a promising sign.
"Yeah. Things are great. I'm great. It's all...great," I don't realize how dumb I sound until I pause mid-sentence. A heavy silence soon drenches the both of us.

"Becca, I need you to be honest with m—"
"Justin, I saw the pictures. You and Sofia were kissing in Italy yesterday," I blurt out, so tired of worrying about this. I crave answers, the truth, honesty, loyalty.

"Babe...Do you really think it's real? Those cameras are so shitty, it just looks like we're kissing. Ok yes, I got a little too close to her, but I kept my distance for the most part. Becca, you have to believe me. I'd never cheat on you. We both know that. Listen, I would never do anything to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, Becca. I love you," Justin calmly speaks into the phone, and it convinces me to relax a little. Just a little. But my heart still won't settle.