His Intense Love

18

Jen

I discovered lying down at night is the hardest part, last night I lay awake staring at the ceiling all night thinking about Rick, his saddened face was constantly floating in front of my eyes. His longing eyes do something to my heart that it stops functioning sensibly and wants to hold him tight leaving behind all past memories. God, why I couldn't stop thinking about him....I shook my head to clear those nonsense thoughts and try to sleep. Due to my twisted toe, I decided to take rest in the afternoon, so I can check the arrangement in the evening but Ms. Watson has another plan. She finds a way to annoy me, like right now she is giving me a severe headache by making noise while flipping the pages. What's her problem?

"Can you please stop flipping those papers?" with this we get into a little fight which ended in my favour as she decided to go out for shopping and she offered me her bed, how generous thought.. mark my sarcasm but I have to admit, I sort of started liking her sass.

Yet, I could not sleep, the last night conversation between me and Rick is not getting out of my head. This is third time he apologised me for his past action and beg me for my forgiveness, it shows he has changed because old Rick never regret his actions and take it what he wants without any hesitation. It's obvious he is changing, I can see through his eyes, his determination to rekindle our relation and make it right this time. But that won't change a bit between us because a girl full of love and believed in its power is now a woman filled with pain, pretending to live while the pain she feels live on, growing deeper and deeper inside her.

I got out of the couch to have a coffee, for nothing than just to distract my train of thoughts. While having my coffee, I check my phone to make sure I haven't miss any important calls...nothing..The only unread messages I have on my phone are from Rick, pain shot through my heart merely seeing his name pop up on my phone, I rub my thumb gently over his name on the illuminated screen. I open his first message "Good night Jen, see you tomorrow" My heart aches, and starts pounding strongly like it is going to pound it's way out of me, I check another message.

"Good morning Jen, hope you sleep well...how's your leg?" I feel tinny butterfly in my stomach, since when he started texting instead of calling, this is cute though... hell what I'm thinking, I press my thumb to check his third message.

"You are good in avoiding me as always. JEN HOW LONG this will continue, you are killing me with your silence but this won't stop me. Anyway, no need to worry about work... take rest love" I read this message again and again until my eyes are so blurred with tears that I couldn't read any more. I can feel my heart flip reading the last line.. "take rest love", he is playing so unfair. This might be simple words to him but for me, ugggg. I don't know when this torture will end, why he can't leave me alone. Can't he see, this never going to work and at the end we both have to endure the pain of losing everything.

And most surprising thing is, his little action still does have bigger impact on me when I thought he doesn't exist in my life. I want this to end at any cost but I don't want to run again like a coward to escape this situation. I have worked so hard to pull myself together after Rick broke me completely. He never cared about my feelings when he ruthlessly broke my family, he didn't say anything when his mother disrespected my dad when he died, he didn't feel remorse for breaking my scarlet's heart and he did nothing to save our love in past than why he is stubbornly want me to forget everything now. I recollect his words, he would stop when I would find love in someone else, then only he will believe that I have moved on from him. This is hilarious because he knows this is quite impossible, because I no longer believe in the joy of love to have special person that makes your heart flutter or makes you want to do better, he has ruined that part of me and I can't have that someone special in my life..