His Intense Love

47

Rick

I decided to end the conversation as that is taking an emotional toll on her, she is talking to me that itself a big progress. I have to take baby steps, Jen's psychiatrist said she couldn't help her much because Jen never opened up about her real issues, she kept those ghosts of her past in a dark place, she couldn't trust anybody to open her heart out. She has been holding and bottling up everything inside. She has been suffering so much from guilt and traumatic grief that she has completely shut herself off. Until she pours her heart out, we couldn't understand the reason for her trauma, the fear which constantly killing her, medicine won't help.

Jen lay with her back to me, pretending to fast asleep, I could feel her body's rigidness and reluctances, giving her space I remained distant and silent like I always do. I knew the moment she actually fell asleep by the way her body and her breathing relaxed, slowly her breathing became deep and even. I am dying to hold her in my arms for forever. I watch her sleeping, I always do, and I couldn't seem to help myself. She is all my heart desires and worships for. I don't know what will happen once this month gets over, I am sure this time I wouldn't survive without her, but if Jen wants this, I would do it without any question.

The curtain has not been drawn, and the light of a full moon stream into the room, I crave to turn her to me, so I can see her beautiful face but I restrain myself. My heart is content to have her near me. I move from the bed and walk to the balcony to light my smoke. The moment I left the bed, Jen stir in bed, she seems restless and fidgety in her sleep. She turned at my side like she wants to ensure my presence beside her. I feel a sting in my chest, witnessing how fragile she is, her face paled and my heart swells with the possessiveness. I want to protect her, even with her damn nightmare. Throwing cigarette out of the balcony, I rushed to bed. I quietly got into the bed and laid facing her closely. Her hair falling over her shoulder and her dark eyelashes resting on her cheek. Her head leaned near to my shoulder, her mouth is very close to mine. I feel her breath on my face and it only ignites the flame which devoured me. Her body again relaxed and a sigh of relief escaped from me. God, I must have done something good to have this glowing treasure in my arms, my heart swelled with rapture as I wrap my arms around her and a happy smile played on my lips.

The whole night I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, my sleep disappeared from my eyes as they are busy devouring this immaculate beauty.

As soon as the first rays of the morning came through the window, Jen starts waking up, I closed my eyes instantly before removing my arm from her. Do not want her to start a day with any reprimand. I felt her smoothing my hair away from my eyes, then immediately I missed her touch, she couldn't touch me even for a few seconds, realization hurt my guts. I can feel her eyes on me, her body stills, our bodies are barely touching, yet it seems I could feel her heart beating as if it's my own. The magic of her closeness is like electricity running lightly and thrillingly all through my body and soul. To my dislike, this moment break and she got out of bed. Jen, thank you for bringing some life to this dead soul.

The day is like usual, we made coffee and breakfast together without exchanging any word. I hate it when she goes back to her shell, when her silence started getting into my nerve, I broke it with a sly comment.

"Done with your let's play friend act?" Our eyes locked, with her brown eyes she is staring wide at me.

"What, you look surprised?" My jerkiness coming out.

"I thought it's you, who is avoiding me" she replied with an accusing tone.

"Really?" I cocked my brow at her.

"You didn't say a single word to me since morning, I thought you wanted to avoid me like you used to do in the past after our every emotional counter" Jen is right, I used to do a lot in the past because of my guilt.