Discoveries ✔ (Divergent Fourtris Fanfiction)

Chapter 19

Tris

I hurry along the path that leads up from the pit as fast as I can. When I reach the coffee bar, I spot Christina already waiting for me at a secluded table in the far corner, waving happily over to me. I sit down opposite her and am surprised when the waitress follows in my wake and places two glasses of steaming coffee with foamed milk in front of us.

The many ways in which the Dauntless serve coffee are remarkable. Unlike me, Christina isn't surprised at all. She takes her extra-long spoon and stirs her coffee, mixing the dark brown liquid in the middle with the milk above and underneath it. I mirror her movements and have that nagging feeling in my stomach again that comes up recently whenever I realize I've missed something in Abnegation that is completely ordinary for people from other factions. Although I still honor the ideals I've learned there, I wonder why they think it's necessary to renounce all the nice and funny things that enrich life in other factions. It's a vague sensation of lost experiences that I wasn't able to make while growing up, a loss difficult to describe.

"Tris? Tris! Still here with me?"

Christina pulls me out of my thoughts and in the blink of an eye, the melancholy is gone. I chose Dauntless. I'm going to catch up with the others.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry I didn't spend enough attention to you."

"Let me guess: The coffee?"

She smiles at me with her head tilted to the side. I return her smile, nodding. My reaction to new food and drinks hasn't gone unnoticed, and I know to everybody else it seems peculiar and funny.

"So, how was your simulation?" she asks.

"Good. Today I got one of those I've already practiced a lot in, so nothing new to work on for a change. Yours?"

"Same here. I can't wait for this to be over, so I won't have to face my fears on a daily basis anymore. It's annoying, I know them all-too-well by now."

"Except that you don't have to be afraid that your fears are going to get you into trouble."

"Oh Tris, I'm sorry, I didn't think about what I was saying. So you still think it'll come up?"

"I guess so, although your advice to take at least one little step ahead every time I'm with him really helped me. It's more comfortable for me knowing I don't have to... do it all at once."

I start stirring my coffee again, so my hands have something to do.

"Between all this talking of doubts and fears, you do remember that it's supposed to feel good in the first place, don't you?"

Christina's worried look makes me chuckle, half out of amusement, half out of shyness.

"You don't have to worry about that. I'm not doing anything I'm not comfortable with. And it does feel more than just good. Listen." I lean closer to her. "I'm not afraid because I don't want to have sex. I'm afraid because it's something new and unknown, and because of the importance of that step."

I'm not sure she completely gets what I mean, but at least she seems satisfied with my answer.

We change the topic due to a couple sitting down close to us and speak about the upcoming weekend. Christina tells me about her date with Will tonight after our little meeting. She asks me for my opinion on her outfit and make-up and it's funny that she'd ask me about that. Me, of all people! But it's nice to have something simple like this to talk about, and time slips away rapidly.

When we arrive down at the cafeteria for dinner, the place is already crowded with people. It's always loud here, but on a Friday or Saturday evening, the volume of the voices and laughter is even louder. We serve ourselves fries and hamburgers and join Uriah, Lynn and Marlene for dinner. Not long after that, Will sits down with us, too, greeting Christina with a huge kiss. I instinctively look away until they're done.