Condemning Conspiracy

E: Reevaluating T: Thoughtful

  Three days ago I sent a message to Lily. I asked if she had enough time to think. (It has been since months since we talked.) Later that day after she responded with a rhetorical question I sent her another message. “I know this is stupid, and I’m sorry, but I miss you.”

  That brought the day to an end. My heart pounded. I couldn’t believe that she answered in the first place. For the most part she would ignore the message if she didn’t want to talk to me. The fact that she gave me a response meant the world.

  The next day I sent her another text. “Have I pissed you off yet?” She doesn’t like it when I share our relationship with others but she is a big influence on my life and that’s why I talk about her. None of you go up to her and tell her that I said such and such. It is because I trust you. And. Well, it’s not like you could find her anyway. You all know her name. Not even a last name has been revealed through me. So, in saying that I’ll continue.

  She replied with “I don’t have a reason yet.” It made me smirk. My heart started to pound again. The only thought going through my head? Make it work. I want to fix this breach between us. I want to take her to prom if she’ll let me but if anything I want my friend back. That sweet woman that was there when no one else was, the person who stood up for me when I wasn’t around, the only one to pick me ever so often.

  As for Blossom. She’s right there with Lily. I’ll go on about her later. “Can we just talk?” I send in desperation. “Talk about something-anything-really?” “Like?” I start the conversation off with April’s rain and cool breeze. We manage a conversation until I have to go to work. I could text her because it’s slow but I don’t due to pushing the achievement.

  The next day I text her again. I tell her that I’m off. The conversation slides toward negative response at first. She has a specific texting style. When she only text one word she tends to be bored or doesn’t care. The next questions steers towards negative but I go for it anyway. “Yea. What are you up to?” “Playing games with a friend.” The normal response six months ago? “Nothing.” Even if she was going something. “Nothing” would be the result. I’d push it. I’d say she has to be doing something. Not just sitting around. She sticks with nothing.

  I know I sound obsessed. I really want us to work though. Which means I have to take a step back and consider that this relationship, if it works, can’t have the same approach as before. Keep the loyal you, the trusting you, but improve. And that’s exactly what I’m aiming for.

  When a problem arises. Fix it. Don’t let it settle.

  When you want to say something to someone. Stop. Think about how they would feel saying that to you.

  It takes effort from both variables to get the answer.

I’ve learned those three statements. The middle statement is one that I’m working on right now. At first, I didn’t think about what to say. I hated being nervous. Now? It doesn’t matter to me what I say. But it should. When writing I am able to freestyle with no offense. When speaking, that’s a different story all in itself.

  Skyler and I have had problems for the past two years. Massive problems. They deal with her relationships but that’s mainly because somehow, even if I don’t want to, I get involved. It’s my fault or something happens. I want to fix my relationship with Skyler. She used to be my best friend. She isn’t anymore.

  Lunch is going to end soon. I need to get back to school. I’ll continue this later.