Unsaid Words (A Larry Stylinson Fanfiction)

Letter 25

Dear Harry,

THERE'S ROUGHLY FIFTEEN DAYS UNTIL I CAN LEAVE. I'm so excited to leave, as much as I love spending time with the people I can't wait to get back to my old life. However I sort of slipped up the other day, so I just want to say sorry before I tell you what I did. To some people it might not seem a big deal, but to me it really upset me. I was so disappointed with myself... My 'carers' don't know yet and I'm not planning to tell them, otherwise they'll postpone my leaving date and I really can't have that happen.

So here it goes. It was dinner time and we all made our way to the canteen like usual, I'd not eaten during the morning. I skipped breakfast by sleeping through which wasn't my fault, nobody bothered to wake me so I missed it. As we made our way to the canteen I was beginning to slow down and the thought of food made my stomach funny, I really wasn't in the mood to eat which was unusual as I thought I would have had an appetite. The lads brushed past me because I stopped just outside the doors and murmured stuff because I was in the way but I ignored them, instead of following them in I turned and walked away. I headed straight to the bathroom and locked myself in one of the cubicles and refused to leave until the bell had gone to signal the end of lunch. I just sat twiddling my thumbs, thinking about what I'm going to do when I get out. Time seemed to fly by and soon enough the bell had gone and I traipsed my way to the common room, we all sat down and people were questioning where I was but I just told them I ate privately. They all understood and nobody clicked that I was lying. However it got worse, we went outside to play basketball and I got so addicted to keeping fit that I pushed myself until I couldn't stand up. I didn't have the energy or sugar levels to keep me going so I got some friends to help me go back to my room and slept for the rest of the day.

I know you're going to be disappointed in me but I have ate since then, however I do tend to do more exercise now. I'm eating and keeping my sugar levels up, but I'm keeping my fitness under control. I decided that once I leave this place I might try and get a job in sport, maybe a football coach, school teacher or even try for a professional footballer. I've been told multiple times that I have the potential so why not? I think I could manage, if I work on my fitness levels from now onwards and eat correctly, I should be okay. I'll be able to train whenever, wherever. I won't get tired too easily and I'll be able to perform well, what do you think? I used to do football a lot in high school, I was on the team and I was the captain. I lead the team to the championships, but then my life began to crumble. Things made me ruin my football career and I just had to give in, I couldn't take it any more. I couldn't cope with the voices in my head telling me not to eat, then having to go out and play football. I collapsed so many times, do you remember that? It was a scary experience, that's when you started clicking that something wasn't right about me. I'm sorry you had to find out that way, I was going to tell you but I couldn't do it. It didn't feel right. I felt like I'd let you down more than I ever have before, telling you would have broke me inside so I'm glad that you found out that way but I'm still sorry.

I know this letter is a bit depressing but I needed to tell somebody, it was really bugging me but I'm glad I could tell it to you. You mean a lot to me Harry, you know that right? I'm so sorry for everything that has happened between us but I'm really thankful it will be over soon. I'm sorry Harry, for everything I've put you through or made you feel like. I'm sorry that I keep saying sorry, but I love you so much and I think about you everyday. You never leave my mind and you keep me from doing so many stupid things, your strength means the world to me and I'm so happy that I still have you. Everything you do or have done makes me even stronger and I just want to thank you for it Harry, you mean the world to me. I miss you lots Harry, the way we used to be is how I want us to be when I'm back with you. Harry, you mean the world to me and I've got something for you. Something that I have to give you when I see you, otherwise it won't have the same effect. Thank you for everything Harry, I'm going to stop rambling on now. I'll write to you in another three days, I love you Harry, more than anything in this world.

Lots of love, Louis xxxx