Heaven Knows OST: ♫ You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol ♫
Chapter 5.5: Anna
(Dominic’s 1st Note pasted by Anna on her Diary)
And baby you’re all that I want when you’re lying here in my arms
I’m finding it hard to believe we’re in Heaven
And love is all that I need and I found it there in your heart
It isn’t too hard to see we’re in Heaven
__________
Dear Diary,
Mama asked me about the boy who escorted me home today. She was ever so curious and ever so knowing. I think it’s her mother’s instincts that rules above things. It fascinates me sometimes how a child’s feelings could travel like ocean waves to a mother’s heart. You speak of nothing about it but then she knows.
I put my scarf around my dad’s Anubis’s figurine as I approach the fridge next. It’s a hot day to wear a scarf but I exempted myself for feeling the cold.
“He looks like a good boy.” Mama says as she stares at him by the window. I hope that Dominic has some sense in him not to stay outside my house and guard. He can be very irritating sometimes. Earlier was very embarrassing. I hate it when I catch people’s attention. I don’t want to be seen by the living. It’s much easier not to associate with them. But who would have thought that the boy has a voice. He is a Music Major no doubt that.
That total recall had breached my lungs and heat rose up to my cheeks. Shaking the feeling off, I closed the fridge and I headed towards my room instead.
“Anna, you need to eat.” Mama says.
I turn back at her from the foyer. “I’m not hungry.”
She crosses her arms as she leans her back on the counter. Looking at my mother, I see our close resemblance. People say I am the younger version of her. Pale skin, blue eyes and dark hair. But my mother is much prettier and I can never be like her. She’s in her favorite floral long-sleeved dress and her hair’s tied in a messy bun.
“What’s his name?”
I hate to talk about this. The last time I talked about someone with my mother was about Dr. Newman after my chemo. But then chemo wasn’t much of a savior. It lessened the parasite in my head but still they grew back and stayed. The least I am grateful is that my hair grew back after the painful sessions.
“Dominic Savio.” I tell Mama.
A soft smile crosses her tired face. “It’s good to see you with people again.”
“We’re just friends.” I said placidly.
“Your father and I started that way.” She says dreamily.
“I’m not expecting that much. It’s not like I’m gonna live any longer.”
“Anna,” she moves towards me but I have some holding up to do.
“I’m doing my homeworks. Just call me up for supper.” I tell her before heading to my room.
“You don’t have to deprive yourself from wanting someone you deserve.” Mama says.
I hold the doorknob tightly. “I am not, Mama. I just don’t want to set my hopes too high because… every hello ends with a goodbye.”
I let the door close behind me with a soft click. My room has always been the same to me. Too dull to be pink and too cream to be white. I drop my sling bag on the floor with my shoes and I dive for my bed. For a moment of silence, I owed it to myself. I can hear my heart in my head until that ticking veered into a tingling ache at the center of my head. The tension flowed in my nerves and I grip my pillow tighter to my head. The pain makes its way to my veins and I squeezed my eyes shut.
My head’s going to explode. I think. These kinds of attacks happen more often now. Sometimes, I don’t think I can take them. Sometimes, I wish I could just faint through the pain.
I opened my mouth to shout a silent cry. I don’t want Mama to know that I’m in pain. She’s been in a lot of stress now. I don’t want to burden her with my own. I blindly reach for my painkiller on my nightstand. With shaking hands, I managed to put the medicine to my mouth.
Once again, I cling to my pillow for comfort. I cling to it until the pain subsides. I cling to it until there were no tears left to shed.
I think what people don’t usually see is the same girl that smiles and talks to them, is also the same girl who fights away the pain and cries herself to sleep.
My head is too tired to respond to me.
I thought of answering Dominic’s question to me. I’ve thought of that three letter word as I hold on to what’s left of my strength.
Yes. I whispered to the silence of my room. My head trembles with the tiredness of earlier pain. And in the end, I only regret the chance I didn’t take.
Without Wax,
Anna
(A/N: Dominic’s note is the lyrics to a song called Heaven.)
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Heaven Knows
Teen Fiction❝ Sometimes, life gives us a story we've never been told before. And sometimes, it's a story we don't know how to start and a story that we don't want to end. ❞ Dominic Savio is a name you will usually find in a saint's handbook. Overflowed with wha...
