Heaven Knows

24: Dominic

Heaven Knows OST:

♫ Say Something by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera♫

♫ Silence by David Hodges♫

Chapter 24: Dominic

Dear Life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge!

It seems that I’m living life like a jet plane. It’s fast paced and I don’t know where I am heading. Maybe oblivion. Hopefully in Heaven if it has enough room for me. I could share a room with the famous St. Dominic Savio—I don’t mind if we have the same name or a bed space. I just want to make sure I get to be with Anna in the future.

Maybe I should sign up for priesthood. If I get to be the pope soon I’d be a saint too. Miraculous deeds to be beatified? Hmmm… reminding Anna every day. Would that even count? Would that earn me a passport to Heaven?

For the first time since I loved Anna, I asked myself: aren’t you really tired, Dom? I kept on loving the same girl who kept on forgetting about me. The same girl who’s about to disappear in this world. And then I looked back and I realized how far I’ve gone to loving her. And that… that kept me going.

***

On the last month we shared together, Heaven finally closed her eyes. But I stayed. I stayed for long hours in her sleep, lingering beside her, watching her, waiting for her, wishing for a fraction of second—even for the last time, she would open her eyes and see me… remember me.

When I held her hand, it was light as air and almost cold as ice. She breathed slowly and serenely in her sleep like Sleeping Beauty without Maleficent’s curse. But sad to say, my kiss couldn’t break the curse. Maybe if I was strong enough to let her go then maybe she would have stayed longer in this world.

“Anna,” I said as I rested her hand on my cheek. I kissed her palm as I tried to be dumb to the conversation between her mom and her doctor. Their hushed voices about Anna’s condition sent trinkets of pain in my heart.

“What would have been your story if we haven’t met?” silence answered me. I laughed at myself for being so stupid. But I was desperate for her response. I missed her already and it scared me.

“Mine might have been blank pages with words written in invisible ink. It would be empty.”

I locked up my tears carefully in my eyes but somehow they have found a keyhole and have tried to get out of their cage. They fell endlessly out of my eyes.

“But every story can be altered. There’s a possibility I might find you again, Anna. I will.”

I leaned my head on her mattress as I sobbed in defeat. My promise lay in the soft covers of her bed along with my tears.

“Dom,” Anna’s mom squeezed my shoulder gently and I looked up to meet her sad eyes. But she smiled comfortingly down at me. “I need some time with her.”

I wiped my tears away as I gave her my seat. Once again, I whispered a kiss down on Heaven’s hand before leaving.

“I’ll be right back, Anna. Please wait for me.”

***

Heaven waited for me.

But her breaths were shallow and her sleep became deeper.

I felt so weak inside as I moved towards her bed. Was this hard to say goodbye? Does this hurt like this that the pain makes you feel anesthesia-sized?

But the only time goodbye is painful is when you know you will never say hello again.

I reached for her hand once more as I held my deepest strength inside of me. Tears started to well up my eyes again. Anna wouldn’t like this. She doesn’t want to say goodbye and see me like this. So I forced myself to smile.

“Hey there, Anna.” I started, my voice quivered and cracked. “I’m sorry I’m not strong enough. I wish I’m as brave as you.”

I leaned on the comfort of her hand and I breathed in her touch. “I love you so much, Anna… and it’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

I summoned what’s left of me as I said the next set of words. “You may go now, Anna… You don’t have to live with the pain anymore. Don’t be afraid. It’s okay to let go. I’m letting you go.”

And just as my tears fell, by some miracle, she opened her eyes. I felt a thorn being cut out of me.

Slowly, she smiled at me. She mouthed something. I leaned in and I kissed the gap between her eyes as she closed them. I rested my forehead down to hers as I held her close to me.

We were both like the clock’s hands. The moment she stopped breathing, the time stopped—the other minute hand could not function—I got lost.

The world got dumb and it had been stripped away from me. I stood up and my mind was set in static. My tears kept falling but they ran in too deep. There was a dagger in my heart but I couldn’t find the pain.

When my conscience moved my senses back to life, an alarm woke my body. I ran out of her room. I think I was shouting some words out of my mouth but I could not find my ears to hear them.

Anna’s mom and doctor came in rushing together with a few nurses.

I was left standing by the door.

The doctor checked on her.

The static went on.

He shook his head.

He looked at his wrist watch and muttered something.

Everything went off.

I could not find my own tears even though I know they kept on falling down the gorge. I wanted to break something but I felt so weak to move. All I could do was lean on the door frame and close my eyes while I wait for the deluge to settle in.

Heaven is gone…

And in her last few moments with me, she continued to love me…

she remembered me…

“Dom,”

My name. That was her last word. That was her goodbye.