Heaven Knows

17.5: Anna

Heaven Knows OST: ♫ Bring me the night by Sam Tsui ft. Kina Grannis ♫

Chapter 17.5: Anna

Dear Diary,

There are so many reasons to be happy. One of them can be just waking up the very next day. We all should be shallow because happiness comes for free.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I wore a black halter dress for Dominic’s recital. I’ve never worn anything so classy before since I don’t really go to parties. But then this night was an exception because this was a very special night to the one I love.

When I saw him up that stage, his hands playing the rhythm of my beating heart it seemed to me that his music brought me where I was supposed to be. This was gonna be his future and I won’t be a part of it. Dominic was so brilliant that I could not help myself from shedding some tears. I was happy for him. He deserved the applause and the standing ovation that was given to him. My man would go through incredible heights someday. But what saddened me was the fact that I won’t be able to see it happen.

Those made me wonder if Heaven would let me take a peek on him someday. To see if he had gone well or if he was happy with someone else. But then maybe when we die, we also forget so we won’t have that gnawing feeling in our chest that made us jealous while looking down the living.

I joined Dominic and his parents for dinner. His mom treated him like he’s not younger than seven years old. Maybe that’s the outcome when you’re an only child and your parents missed a lot of you while growing up. His parents were always at work—that I concluded. But I knew they love him. I saw how proud they were when Dominic told them about going to Julliard next year. I knew it was coming but still it hit me with thousands of razors. He was slipping away from me like my memories and I could not even do anything to stop it from not happening. I’d be selfish if I would.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked me as he walked me home. He told his parents to go ahead so that he could escort me home and spend a little time together.

I sighed deep inside. “No.” I told myself but my mouth said, “Yes.”

He nodded and we were silent for a bit. I hugged myself from the bitter cold and he draped his coat on my shoulders.

“Anna,”

“Hmm?”

“Aren’t you mad at God for your sickness?”

I frowned as I pulled his coat tighter to me. “No.”

“You think he forgets?”

“No.”

“Then why has he forsaken you?”

I smiled softly. “He didn’t. He just wants me to meet you. We can’t control things when they happen. We just try to live them and be positive about them. Some things happen for a reason. You’re my reason.”

He sighed heavily as he bore his sad blue eyes at me. “I don’t want to leave. What if you’re still here? Who would remind you of me?”

I stopped walking and I hugged him. I forced back the tears that were building in my eyes. He tried to pull away but I held him tighter.

“Just for a little longer.” I almost whispered.

He leaned his temple to mine and I buried my head on his shoulder.

“I don’t know what God’s plan is for me. But I believe that whenever there is hardship there is a lesson to be learned. That there’s always joy in every pain.” I said.