Love You Enough

Insult To Injury

Lindsey left to get groceries. The house was empty and he needed to breathe. Things were not going well for them. They began fighting more often now that the glue that held them together had officially been missing for three whole months.

Stevie peeled herself out of bed long enough to grab the half empty bottle of wine from the kitchen and a glass. She took herself back upstairs, poured herself a hearty glass of wine and practically chugged it down. Her previous buzz was wearing off and the pain was seeping in. Another glass of wine might help, maybe a third would be even sweeter. How about a fourth? The more the merrier. She sat her empty bottle down on the nightstand and sat on the floor. Her head was swimming. That's better, she thought. She got up slowly, feeling slightly dizzy and walked carefully to the bathroom. She got her little stash of coke out of her makeup bag, grabbed the mirror, rolled up bill, and metal nail file that had become her best friends out from under the sink and got to work. Quickly and expertly she cut her lines then sat back admiring her work. She felt quite proud of herself. She quickly snorted the drug and sat back, letting the numbness overtake her. Sweet relief! Her sense of calm is eventually interrupted by dry heaves. She forces herself toward the toilet and opens the lid just in time. She is immediately sick, not able to stop for several long minutes. When the feeling goes, she is covered in a sheen of sweat, begging God to end her pain. The one thing that brings her peace also causes problems inside her marriage. Her body is unable to handle it all lately but she can't stop. She starts to cry, covering her face with her hands. Her head is pounding, her chest hurts, her stomach is now emptied of its contents...her life is in shambles and she finally feels as bad physically as she does emotionally. She starts shoving her supplies under the sink again and she's just about to shut the door when something catches her eye. She pulls out the small box, opens it and takes out its contents. She hears Lindsey coming back from the store, the door slamming and his footsteps on the stairs. He bangs on the door and she hurries to use the bathroom and leave the box on the sink. She emerges and is met with a harsh look from azure eyes.

"Yes?" She asks

"How was your latest ride on the white pony?" He snarls.

"Shut up, Lindsey. It's none of your business"

"You're my wife"

"You don't own me"

"You're right, the drugs own you. They took everything I once called mine. You don't smile anymore, you don't laugh, you don't even have life in your eyes anymore. You were my joy in all of this and now it's gone. It's all gone"

"God, I hate you"

"I'm sure you do."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe that we don't talk, you just want to have sex. You feel sad and we do it while you're high as a fucking kite then you sneak off to the bathroom again for another hit. We don't have a relationship anymore."

"How about comforting me? How about talking to me? How about confiding in me and telling me how you feel instead of shutting me out?"

"I haven't shut you out, Stevie! How can I talk to someone who can't even go an hour without a line? How can I confide in a person who is out of their morherfuckin mind? How can I comfort you when you're a shell? You're not here." Stevie bursts into tears and sinks down to the floor. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Coke has stolen you from me and I'm grieving two losses now. Leo and my wife" Lindsey turns to leave and Stevie makes no attempts to stop him. He stomps down the stairs and unloads the groceries in the kitchen. Their liquor cabinet is almost empty and he shakes his head, sighing. "Stevie baby, I would do anything to save you" he says to himself.

Stevie pulls herself up from the floor in their room, wiping her tears and goes back to the bathroom. She picks up the little box then looks back at the sink, sighing. She tosses it all in the trash and wads up a few squares of toilet paper to conceal the contents of the waste basket. She goes back to bed, pulling the covers up over herself. "Just when I think things couldn't get worse..." she says, tears spilling down her face again as she is set adrift in slumber.

Lindsey goes back upstairs to apologize, try to make things right but he stops, seeing her snuggled up under the covers. He smiles to himself, marveling at her beauty, the silent serenity of her expression. Her face was still wet with tears and he knew it was his fault. It's not his job to break her and he felt horrible.   He knelt down by her bedside and stroked her hair. In her sleep, she turned over to face him and he kissed her ever so softly. "No matter what, my girl, I love you most of all. If you go away from me, I will still be here waiting for you to come back. Forever and ever" he said, kissing her again. He gets up to leave her to get some rest. He feels helpless in this situation as he knows she's only getting deeper and deeper, darker and darker. Stevie was right, not all the prayers in the world could save them now.