According to Plan

Chapter 47

Billy drove me home, after finding me as a crumpled mess on Cameron's driveway. I will say, it wasn't one of my proudest moments or most graceful, writhing in fetal position on the pavement because of a boy. But within me, I knew he wasn't just any boy. He meant something to me, something so valuable, I couldn't put a price to it. Perhaps it was the fact that he was the first boy I could ever call my own, or on the contrary, maybe this was all just in my head. Maybe this whole idea of love that we had was all just an illusion. But I will admit, that was one darn good illusion.

Well, there was at least one good thing that came out of all this; I wasn't hiding a lie underneath my bed anymore. I would stop, to feel the relief and to just bask in the moment, but all manner of feeling and emotion had somehow disappeared from me for the next couple days. Other than a pillow full of tears, I was a blank page. I did as Cameron had asked. I stayed away from him completely... not because I wanted to, but because if you love someone, you do what's best for them. Cameron needed to heal, more than anyone I had harmed, he needed time away from me, and following him around would just be putting salt on the wound.

It was Wednesday, and I couldn't focus on anything in class. All I wanted the teacher to do was keep quiet. So, I excused myself from biology class and took an extra long restroom break. I trudged into the bathroom nonchalantly, my hands stuck in my pockets. There was a girl standing at the sink, reapplying her makeup. She turned towards me, blond curls bouncing buoyantly off her shoulders and every gesture she made seemed graceful. Her lips curved in an apologetic smile and she clung on to the cuffs of her sleeves nervously.

"Hi, Stella."

Wait.. was she talking to... me?

I blinked, "Leah, hey."

We were quiet for a while. The whole awkwardness of it all was, in itself, awkward. Staring at the girl I had known for over 10 years, and now having nothing to say...

"So," she said nervously, "how are your classes going?"

I cleared my throat, "they're okay."

Leah Bromwell grinned, "right, I forgot I'm talking to one of Clarkston High's top students here."

I went for a smile, but the whole 'no emotions' thing didn't allow me, and it ended up as a pathetic smirk, "so, you did a really good job with the dance. I mean, wow, it was just out of this world."

She nodded, "thank you. Hard work pays off I guess."

We were quiet again.

"So, have you spoken to Billy lately?" I asked.

"Well," she responded, "we talk, yeah. But things aren't like they used to be."

With the three of us..

"How've you been, Stella?"

I shrugged, "there've been better days. But I'm doing okay."

She nodded again, "I, uh, I heard about you and Cameron... and the whole thing with the dance."

I cleared my throat, unsure of what to say. But as I looked in those blue eyes of hers, I saw little 9 year old Leah running around with Billy and I and a bunch of toys. That's when I realized, this awkward thing was getting really old.

"Honestly," I responded, "it was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Losing him, I mean. Now I know how you felt, Leah. But having your best friend take him away from you instead." I took two bounds to reach her and I threw my arms around her, "I'm so sorry."

She breathed a sigh of relief and held on to me as well, "Stella, I've missed you so much! I'm sorry too! I should have been there for you when you needed me, and I shouldn't have acted like such a--"

"Hey," I pulled away and went for a smile, "it's not your fault. If anything, it's mine. I've made so many mistakes, Leah, and I'm paying for them, one by one. But I don't want you to be a cost of my stupidity."

She chortled, "you and your big words, Stella. Can we never fight again? Please!"

I leaned against the wall and truly smiled for the first time in weeks, "agreed. I can't believe it's been over a month since we talked."

Leah laughed, "I know, right? The longest we ever went without talking was 2 hours when you stole my crayons in fourth grade."

I burst out laughing, "I remember that!"

She grinned, "we have to promise to never let a boy get in between us again. And you're coming over after school today, no excuses. We have some major catching up to do."

I nodded, "I hear ya!"

"I'll start with this: there's a new boy in the picture," she grinned widely, her straight row of teeth gleaming beneath the red lipstick.

My brows rose in shock, "already?"

She rolled her eyes teasingly, "well, you know me, Stel, I can't sit around and mope all day over a silly little boy. So anyway, his name's Troy and we met at..."

Oh boy.

As we walked out the restroom, I came to realize that maybe that was just who she was and there was no changing it, just accepting it. I guess I couldn't complain as she rambled on and on over her moving on so rapidly. I mean, it was Leah Bromwell; Sophomore Prom Queen, class president, and party girl extraordinaire. But the most important title?

Best friend.