According to Plan

Chapter 41

How could I have been blind all this time?

The question rang in my head as I lay in bed that night, playing the whole conversation over and over again. I realized he had dropped subtle clues that I completely disregarded... then I began to wonder, how must he have felt? How must Billy have felt listening to me fantasize over each crush I've had ever since we met? Or how must he have felt, seeing me walk off in the arms of someone else at school dances in Junior High? I'd always thought Billy was just too involved in his video games to have time for any girls, but Billy never gave girls attention because he was waiting on me the whole time.

A feeling wrenched within me, maybe it was guilt, or sorrow or just not being able to stand myself at the moment. I didn't know what it was, but it did the job, nonetheless.

The following Monday, I walked to school. I didn't know how Billy would react to seeing me yet, so I decided to skip the awkwardness of asking him for a ride. I would have asked Cameron, but I didn't know how to act around him either. I mean, of course I was over the whole charade; I didn't like to hold on to grudges. But it was all just still so confusing. And getting a ride from Leah Bromwell? Just no.

Billy wasn't in World Economics class first period. Nor was he in Bio in second. I spotted him at lunch, but he sped away super fast. I realized he was avoiding me when I entered the main doors in study hall, and he exited through the rear doors almost immediately.

Great.

This whole game of Cat and Mouse went on for the next few days. On Friday, I finally gave up trying and it dawned on me that I had possibly just lost my best friend. That made me angry. Not angry at anyone, just at myself. I hadn't known what to say to Cameron all week, so I would just walk by him, feeling his glare on the back of my head.

"Stella!" Leah yanked on my arm and I turned, lazily, to look at her.

"Can I help you?" I asked, my one hand stuck nonchalantly in my jean pocket and my hood was up. The parking lot buzzed with students rushing off to their after school jobs or home.

She frowned, looking completely puzzled, "Stella, what's going on? This past week you've been acting completely different. I mean, even Billy's hardly talking to me."

I shrugged and began walking away, "that's not my problem."

"Stella!" she grabbed me again, "what's happening to us? Why is everyone acting so weird?! Why are you acting so weird? I mean, even Cameron's being distant. Is there some giant elephant in the room someone wants to tell me about?"

"Well, maybe you don't know what's going on with everyone because you're too self absorbed in your own little world, Leah!" my voice escalated, and I even shocked myself as those words flew out of my lips. I threw my hands over my mouth and my eyes widened.

Did I just say that?!

"Excuse me?!" Leah replied, "Stella whatever is going on with you, you have no right to take it out on me!"

Relax and walk away, relax and walk away. I repeated this over and over in my head as I walked off school property, heading for home.

"Hey!" she chased after me, clacking behind me in her leather heel boots, "I'm not done talking, Stella. If you're not going to talk, then I sure am! I'm sick and tired of your attitude lately!"

I clenched my fists tight, then sped up the pace, but she still trailed after me.

"Leah," I said to her, "just leave me alone, okay? I'm not in the mood for this today."

"Then when are you in the mood for anything, Stella?! I'm sick of your mood swings. Just 'cause you're my best friend doesn't give you any special privileges to act like a total egg head, so stop walking away and listen to me!"

I turned suddenly, she almost ran into me and I gritted my teeth, "what do you want?"

"I want to know what is wrong with you!" she responded.

I took a deep breath, "oh man, I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with me being a ''dating impaired freak who can't get her own man", I repeated her words, putting an emphasis on each enunciation.

Her eyes widened, then after a few seconds, she mumbled, "Cam told you?.."

I shook my head and snorted, "he didn't tell me anything. That guy has been nothing but loyal to you, Leah, and you sure don't deserve him."

Leah raised a brow, "I don't deserve him?" she laughed, "and who does? You?"

"Actually, yes."

Her jaw dropped to the ground and her eyes bulged in anger, "what did you just say, Stella?"

"You heard exactly what I said," I replied with confidence, "in case you were wondering, the answer is Yes. Yes, I do have feelings for Cameron."

"I knew it!" she looked appalled, "how could you do this to me, Stella?! Why do you always go after my guys?!"

I took a deep breath, trying not to explode, "listen to yourself! You sound like you purchased him from Guys-R-Us! You have no claim over anyone, Leah. So don't say I go after your guys."

"I know you've always been jealous of me. But for once, can you just mind your own business and stop trying to steal away my happiness? Don't you get it, Stella?! He's never going to want you! Cameron is NEVER going to like you, so just give up already!" she screamed at me.

I shook my head then gazed into those blue, bottomless eyes of hers, "Leah, do you remember that guy I was always trying to tell you about at Camp? The guy that I thought would be my first real boyfriend when he saw me as.. well, me, and not Steve Morner?"

She folded her brows, "this isn't the time to talk about an old, stupid crush!"

My brows rose, "wow. You're smarter than that, aren't you? I thought for sure you would've put the pieces together by now. It's HIM, Leah! Cameron DiMarco is the guy I was talking about the WHOLE time! Maybe if you took one little second to actually listen to me, then we wouldn't be in this mess!"

Her eyes went dim for a second, then grew brighter with sudden realization. It had all dawned on her just now. She was speechless for a second.

"So," she hesitated, "you've been lying to him, this whole time?"

"What?"

"I covered for you. I made sure Cameron didn't find out your alter ego, Steve-o. But this just completely changes things. You tried using Steve Morner to get closer to Cameron, haven't you? I don't even know who you are anymore!"

"No," I replied quickly, "don't you dare turn this around on me! Can't you ever just accept your mistake and stop looking for someone else to blame, Leah?!"

She threw her hands in the air, angered and frustrated, "I'm so sick of this! I'm sick of you, and all your little games! I've been lying to Cam this whole time to protect YOU! What was I thinking?! You know, Stella, you'd be doing me a huge favour if you just left Cameron and I alone!"

Ugh!

I bit down the anger and tried to be reasonable. But it was no use, I might as well have been trying to sign a peace treaty in a heated war zone. Then, I took a minute to realize that this wasn't a battle field, this was my friend of 10 years that I was facing... could we really let a boy ruin all that?

"Listen," I finally calmed down, "I'm sorry, okay? I just don't want to talk about this anymore."

Her face grew red, "yea? well neither do I! Stay out of my life Stella, I mean it! You're nothing but a nuisance!"

She spun around rapidly, and stormed off back towards the school parking lot.

My breath was caught in my throat and tears stung my eyes. I blinked them back immediately, and walked home like a robot; rigid and emotionless.