Walking Down Memory Lane

What Are The Chances

Lily paced in her room not knowing if she was mad or hurt. The longer she paced the worse her emotional state became. "I need to get out of here for a while" she murmured to herself. She found her thickest winter clothes and told her mother she was going out for a walk. Her mother sensing her distress didn't argue.

Lily found herself wandering; she was thinking of Severus, every memory good and bad was floating through her mind. She found it odd that some memories seemed to blur or jumped but she played it off to her mixed emotions.

When Lily finally realized where she was she shook her head and said "You've got to be kidding me!” She was at the playground just off Spinners End where she and Severus had met as children. The same place he told her that she was a witch and that they'd go to Hogwarts together.

All those childhood moments, so innocent, she would never have imagined things between them would be this way. She wanted to blame everything and everyone for Severus's choices, everyone but him, so she could forgive him. She hadn't realized how much she missed him. She sat on the small swing that used to seem so big and thought, it's not all his fault. His father was an awful man. He was abusive both mentally and physically. He was raised poor so he never seemed to fit in. The very men whom I hold dear to me made his life hell. Those are all factors but it's mine and Voldermort's fault. It's mine because I wasn't there for him enough, I didn't love him enough, and I couldn't mend his broken soul. I waited too long to make him feel loved, the very thing he needed most and I withheld it for too long. Its Voldermort's fault for dangling everything he ever wanted in his face. Voldermort could offer him everything but love.

Lily sighed and said to herself I guess power and money mean more to him than love. Must be a hell of a drug, that or I never really meant that much to him. No! I know that arrogant prick loves me! He keeps leaving me the same damn note. Why bother if you don't care? Why would he give up so easily if I meant so much to him? None of this makes sense. I know my blood status isn't favorable to the Dark Lord but that doesn't automatically mean I'm marked for the killing curse. If he killed every muggle born then half of the wizard world would be dead. What am I missing? What changed so quickly?

Lily stood up and hugged herself trying to not think about how cold she had became sitting there. She decided to take the long way home, if I go this way I'll walk past his house she thought. Lily had walked a few blocks lost in thought when she noticed the beautiful church. She had always loved this church. It was the oldest and most beautiful building in Spinners End. She stopped in front of it admiring its old world beauty.

As she started to continue on she noticed a tall dark haired man sobbing at a tiny grave. He was all alone, she felt so sad for him, poor man crying alone at what looked to be a child's grave. From behind he looked a lot like Severus; she stood watching him out of pity. She began to feel like she was spying on this poor man and started to walk away but as soon as she heard the words "Lily please forgive me." in that low velvet voice she knew all too well she stopped looking around frantically. No one was there but the man at the grave.

No, it cant be she thought. Sev would never be caught dead crying in public. It cant be him. Why would he be at a child's grave and talking about me? Lily wanted to leave thinking it was her mind playing tricks on her but it was like she was being called to where the man stood. She couldn't explain it; it was a pull from deep inside telling her to keep walking toward the grave. The tall dark man was still muttering things to the ground she couldn't hear; he was oblivious to her approaching presence. She finally got close enough to read the headstone she let out an audible gasp as she read the name "Eros Siempre Snape." The dark man quickly turned around and she immediately recognized the gaunt tear stained face.

"Sev?" she questioned with a very confused look.

"L..... Lily?" he stammered back.

"Who is this?" She demanded pointing at the small grave noticing the dates and the last name.