In my hospital bed I lie awake in agony.
They pumped my stomach, and I had an IV.
I feel miserable.
It's been three days. They say I'm better but had to stay.
I've been talking with a psychiatrist for a couple days.
Well, I haven't really been 'talking'.
He asks me questions, I don't answer. I'm ashamed.
How would he look at me if I told him what's been happening? How could I tell him about what my dad did to me and what he did to my sister.
He asked about my sister today. How do I tell him I feel guilty? How I heard her crying that night from my room while my dad hurt her and I did nothing, like usual?
I heard her every time.
That night it was both our turns.
I walked into my dad's room and my sister walked out. She looked hollow and dead already.
While it was happening to me she was hanging herself in my closet.
I walked in and she was there. Her eyes were open, staring into me.
How do I tell him I didn't even scream? How do I tell him that she was not the only one who died that night?
I start to cry, and my throat stings. I'm an idiot.
A nurse comes in to check on me and tells me Dr. Scott, my psychiatrist will be in again today and that my mother is here to see me.
I wait til my mother comes in and when I see her I sigh. She looks incredibly sad.
"Did you bring it?" I ask her.
She hands me my cellphone.
"Your friends came over again today. I told them you were sick." she tells me.
"Mom... Can I be alone now?" I asked her. I wanted to call my friends. I didn't want to see her.
She nodded and looked like she was going to cry, but she left without another word.
I told her on the phone, all I wanted was my cell phone, and I didn't want to see her.
Am I being too harsh?
I don't know.
I pick up my phone and I find Luke's name and I call.
It's 2 in the afternoon, and he's probably in school... I should hang up.
"HELLO?!" Luke's voice came through.
"... Hi." I replied.
"ANDY?! ARE YOU OKAY, WE HEARD YOU WERE SICK?!"
"I'm in the hospital."
"What happened?"
"I did something stupid."
"What hospital? Put me on the list, I'm coming."
"Community. What about school?"
"FUCK SCHOOL! I'm on my way."
I press the nurse button and when she comes I ask her if I could put a friend on my visit list. I had one person on there, my mother and I wanted to add Luke.
"Last name?" she asked.
I shrugged. I never really knew what his last name was.
"I don't know it, sorry." I told her.
"It's alright dear." she smiled and walked away.
I was excited for it then I thought. Why didn't I call Jeremy?
I didn't dwell too much because Dr. Scott walked in.
"Hey Andy. I thought to wait until you mom left to come back around for our visit." he was a very kind person. Thought it was his job to care, it felt genuine. His hair was mostly graying and he had some silver stubble.
"Are we going to talk today?"
I shrugged and said "My friend is on his way."
"What's your friend's name?"
I shrugged.
"Alright. That's fine, let me guess," he said.
"Kurt?
Adam?
Francis? No?" he chuckled. At least he was having fun.
"ANDY!" I heard Luke say as he burst in the room.
I smiled. I actually smiled. He ran up to me and I gave him a big hug and started crying. I don't know if it was because I was so happy to see a friend, or if it was because I was so sad.
"Luke? What are you doing here?" Dr. Scott said taken aback.
"Dad?!" said Luke look at him.
"You're supposed to be in school!" he said sternly.
"I don't understand, you're Andy's psych?!"
"You're related?" I asked, dumbfounded.
They both turn to look at me, and I do see a resemblance.
