Salvation {Negan FanFic}

F O R T Y E I G H T

I laid on the bed for a while, curled into a tight ball. I closed my eyes, trying to find some sleep. But, every time I closed my eyes I saw things. A lot of things I didn't really need to be thinking about right now. I saw Glenn, and all the others. I saw Amber and her boyfriend. I saw Mike...It all made me feel sick. Why am I in love with him. How did I let him kill Glenn. Why didn't I take the blame for Amber. Why did I drag Mike into this.

I have been very back and forth. I always talk about how I know what I want and what I am dong, and I am so set on being with Negan; then I will get pissed ay myself and not know what I want anymore. I want my family and to hug my brother and be there for all of them through this hard time. But I don't want to leave Negan.

Life was hell before, now its going to be worse. Negan will never trust me again. I don't even know why he kept me alive. Just kill me so no one has to deal with me anymore. So I don't have to deal with myself anymore...which doesn't even make any sense.

I closed my eyes again, breathing in deeply, my lip quivering, and a few tears slipped out of my eye and onto the blanket where I was laying at the end of the bed.

I slept for a few hours after that. I must have been running on adrenaline because as soon as I calmed down I realized how tired I was. I was woken up yelling outside the door, of course it was Negan. He came in, loudly slamming the door open, letting the light in from the hallway. He threw whatever was in his hands on the ground, making a loud banging noise. I opened my eyes, and groggily looked up. He looked over at me, slamming the door shut.

"What the hell are you doing?" He snapped.

I was confused. "...What do you mean? I was sleeping?" I yawned.

"Its twelve in the afternoon." He said while taking off his jacket.

"I haven't gotten any sleep, sorry if I wanted a few hours of closing my eyes." I snapped, laying my head back down.

"God damn, maybe you should some more, cranky ass." He said, sitting at the end of the bed, pulling off his scarf. "You still mad or something?"

My eyes flew open again, and I looked at him. That was the dumbest thing he has ever said to me. Was this bitch serious? Like....what?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I said simply, trying not to freak out.

"...Well, for one I have a problem with drinking, I like cursing, I have a bat named fucking Lucille-" He laughed while listing things off. Hey, at least he knew he had problems.

"That's not what I meant, asshole." I said. "You know what, I'm not going to waste my breath. Are you still mad, Negan? Because that's what really matters, right?" I said with sarcasm, feeling pissed off as hell.

He shrugged. "I was angry."

"And now your just not? You get over shit that quick?"

"Not that much time left, hunny. I don't have time to be thinking about that. Know how much shit I would be carrying with me if I didn't get over shit? Fuck, a lot." He said. He scooted over beside me. "If I could teach you one thing, it would to let shit go. You seem like you have a problem with that." He scoffed.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "I don't want to learn anything from you, Negan...and I don't have a problem. You are just so numb to killing because you do it so much that t doesn't even matter to you anymore." I mumbled.

"It matters. Just don't go around pouting about it. Doesn't do shit for anyone." He said so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

I thought about that for a moment. That was true. Just not my kind of thinking. I always hold things with me. I never let something like death go. Its too important to just move on from in my eyes.

"Do you regret any of them?" I asked.

"Huh?"

"The killings. Do you regret any of them."

He looked down for a moment at his hands. "Maybe some of them...no use regretting. Just gunna happen more."

"It doesn't have to though-"

"I don't need a lecture...." He snapped. "God, you bring up the wrong shit to talk about." He said, rubbing his face with both hands.

"Sorry..." I said quietly. "I miss them." I blurted out.

He put a hand on my back, slowly rubbing it comfortingly. "I know you do...I know." he said quietly.

He didn't even know who I was talking about.

__________

Things are chilling down with this book sooooo yeah. Thanks for 17K! I am probably going to end this if I get to 20K though. Since I am getting ready to start another one, and Tag You're It in October. I am torn between Emma Stone and Kat Dennings for an actor for the main character for Tag You're It. Which should I use? Please vote, comment, and Follow! Thankies!