Salvation {Negan FanFic}

T W E N T Y S E V E N

I was an early morning person. I always woke up before the sun came up. Even if I stay up late until one in the morning and that means I only get five hours of sleep. But hey, why am I complaining?

I laid there for a moment, still in the position I was in when I fell asleep. I hugged Negan tightly, breathing in his scent. He wasn't awake or anything, I just wanted to hug him. Ever just feel like you really just want a hug? Like, a really good, genuine hug? Like, if some shit is going on and you are all stressed, you just really want a hug? No? Just me? Well, I just really needed a hug, so hugging him as tightly as I could while he wasn't even awake would have to do...as creepy as that sounds.

Negan was a terrifying man, he is ruthless, reckless, and a killer. How did I manage to fall In love with someone like him? I mean, he has shown that he has feelings, and can feel things. I just can't tell if my love for him out does the hate I have for him. I love him, I hate him, I love him, I hate him. What am I supposed to do.

And as I think about this, I'm thinking in my head, This is fucking a man who killed someone you were so close to and the father to your best friend's baby and has taken everything away from you. This shouldn't be something you have to think about?

I tried not to think too much about. What was happening between Negan and I needed to stay between us.

I smashed my face into his chest in frustrated with myself. I guess I did it a little too hard because Negan flinched, and groaned. I laid still, pretending to be asleep; you know, like when you make a loud noise and your mom or dad comes to check on you and you pretend to be asleep?

He sighed, and stretched, letting out a groan. He put a hand on my back and slowly rubbed it up and down for a while, giving me chills. I almost started to fall back asleep.

Aw, see? He can be nice? At least he isn't waking me up and throwing me out like he did that one morning.

Soon he slowly stopped, resting his hands on my back, slowly drifting back to sleep. Like, damn this guy sleeps a lot.

After a while, I thought I would get up and go finish sorting through all the new supplies. I sat up, rolling off of his, flopping onto my back beside him. I then sat up, but then feeling Negan shift, rolling over to look at me with half opened eyes.

"Going somewhere?" He asked in that low, groggy voice.

I smiled. "Actually, I am." I said. "Are you getting up today? Don't you have things to do?"

"Nope. Not a damn thing." I he said. He grabbed my arm tightly. "That's why you should stay here with me."

I rolled my eyes. "How do you run several bases and several towns and have time to sleep in for hours?"

His eyes popped open, rolling over and grabbing his wrist watch. He threw it down, sitting up in the bed against a pillow. "Bitch, it is six in the god damn morning?"

I shrugged. "Guess Im an early riser?" I shrugged nervously.

"Whatever," He sighed, rubbing his face. "Guess I should go find Dwight before the bastard does something stupid with the guns and ammunition I left outside."

I gave him a confused look. "...why are there guns and ammunition outside?"

"...I dropped them?"

"...and you didn't pick them up?"

"Pft, what do you think my men are good for?"

Dick.

"I was headed down that way, I can ask him what he did with them." I shrugged.

"Haha, no, no, no. we aren't quite...there yet?" He scoffed, swinging his feet over the bed.

I raised an eyebrow. "...What does that mean?"

"You could still take it and go willy-nilly with and do god knows what." He laughed, going over to his closet.

I felt almost betrayed. I thought he trusted me? "...you don't trust me?"

"Now, now, don't make it sound so bad, baby." He said, taking a shirt off the hanger. "I just can't trust you. Its not that I don't want to."

I nodded, not saying anything else, but only looked down. I couldn't believe he still didn't trust me. I haven't done anything to make him not trust me.

He pulled a grey long sleeve over his head, looking at me and tilted his head. "Oh, come on now. Don't get all ass hurt over this." He said, walking over to me. He put his hands on my shoulders. "Its just, what would my men think if I let you carry around guns? They don't know about.....well, all of this," He put some of my hair behind my ear. "Its not like you are planning to kill me, I know that. Okay? Okay." He kissed my head, and trailed kissed down my face to my lips.

Those words made me feel a pit form in my stomach, making me remember something I had told myself at the begging.

I was planning to kill Negan.