My Life As An Escort (The Beginning) Book 1 ~ (Completed)✅.

Chapter Thirty-Three- Trying To Move On (Part 2)

It was Thursday and I was headed to see Dr. Sims. I had been going to see her for the past few months. I really think we were making progress. I was still trying to control my emotions, but it was still a work in progress.

I pulled up to the small brick building and parked my car. I walked in and was greeted by Maggie the short black haired receptionist.

"Ms. Montgomery how are you doing today?"

"I'm well, thank you." I signed in and moments later I was greeted by Dr. Sims. She was a tall African American woman, with short brown hair and her glasses perfectly framed her face. She had been in practice for over fifteen years, but she didn't look like a day over twenty-five.

"Good to see you Cadence. Right on time," she said looking at her watch. "Have a seat and we can get started."

I sat down on the brown leather sofa. Her office was painted in sky blue and most of the time she kept her windows open, letting the cool breeze in. It was the end of January and the temperature was a perfect sixty-nine degrees. You have to love Louisiana weather.

She sat down and turned the recorder on. Taking out her pen she wrote down some information.

"Lets recap from the past few sessions. Your mother and father met when they were young. You really never felt that your parents loved you the way they should have. You were the only child for around seven years and then your sisters came along. Things didn't get much better. In high school you were a straight A student." She looked up from her file.

I nodded.

"I'm thinking you thought if you did well in school, they might love you a little more. You went to college on a full paid scholarship. Then your mother committed suicide. Although your parents weren't together you felt some remorse because of your mother's suicide. A couple of years later your father dies and you assume the responsibility of both parents. You quit school beginning your last year and you move back here to take care of your sisters." She looked at me awaiting confirmation.

I turned my head. I hated talking about my life.

"Times were hard. You were basically living off the little money that was left over from your inheritance and the state but you were still able to provide a stable place for you and your sisters and worked part-time jobs to provide for your needs. You made sure your sisters went to school everyday and I do have to commend you for taking on adult responsibilities," she said reaching over to touch my hand.

What? I actually did something right, sheesh?

She sat back in her chair."Times were hard so you went to work for Lilly. She made you an offer you couldn't refuse. You moved in a nice house, provided educational assistance to your sisters, and was able to afford to do things you haven't done before. Life was good until the stress of losing your virginity to a man that didn't love you or possibility that he didn't care about you happened."

I must have looked at her strange. "You don't know that. I felt something with Robert, that's why I chose him."

"Usually woman give themselves up to a person where feelings and emotions are involved. You had just met him. He twirled you around the dance floor a couple of times and maybe there was a connection, he said sweet things to you and made you feel like a woman but Cadence do you actually think he felt something for you other than trying to have sex with you? You were an easy target, young, naive, and beautiful."

Where was she going with this? I was really starting to get pissed off.

"You said he was older. Robert was the oldest of the three men."

I shook my head.

"Honey he wanted something that no one else had every gotten. Of course he would have done anything. Lilly introduced you to five men that night. It was a competition in who could actually win. Your virginity was on the auction block and believe me the guns came out. These are very rich and powerful men, sometimes this becomes a game. Money is no object when it comes to what they want."

I wipe the tears that had fallen from my eyes. I just knew that Robert and I could have been happy. My mind started to drift off. The bad part of all of this, it made a lot of sense.

"Cadence I know this is not the life you wanted. It can be difficult to adjust to this. You can not dwell on the past, it can only dampen your future. You can't get your parents or your virginity back or even the decision you made to become an escort as it was a decision you made to provide for yourself and your sisters at the time. No one knows if they were in your shoes whether they could have turned down the opportunity. Until you walk in someone else's shoes you have no idea what obstacles they face. They have no right to judge you."

I saw her put down her pen and walk over to her desk and grabbed her bottle water.

"You worked for Lilly?" I asked.

"I did many years ago. I wasn't a virgin, but I had my own issues. But I can understand you making the decision you did. You just have to learn how to deal with it in your own way. You are in school, you're young and intelligent. You are going to go far if you put your mind to it. This is a job for the time being not your career and you have to remember that."

"I know, but sometimes I feel like I can never be good enough. My life can be scary and I know Lilly means well, but the bad part about it, I have feelings for Robert, Paul and Evan, but now I start to question if any of them could ever be more."

I crossed my legs. "Robert was my first. He made my experience so special that I'm sure most girls would be jealous. He was so gentle. That night, call me crazy, but I could picture myself with him. It didn't matter that he was older, I felt something and I guess I just read too much into it."

"Cadence it was the first time anybody touched you in the most intimate way actually joining two bodies. It's normally given to a boyfriend or lover that means something to you. You gave it up to a man that you assumed would have a connection as you did. Maybe he did or didn't only he knows that. I'm speaking from experience, you can not have an emotional attachment to these men. The minute they do something out of the ordinary or something that takes you by surprise your heart becomes a factor and everything gets twisted up inside and festers until one day you explode which could lead you alone, hurting and worst depression."

I felt better knowing that she had somewhat walked in my shoes. She wasn't judging me or calling me names or simply disrespecting me. Robert had done those things and it hurt even David. I was thankful I had someone to talk to. But she was right, maybe I was getting to emotionally attached. I needed to step back and think with a clear head. I didn't want to end up being lonely or depress. I wanted to live a life of adventure and just be happy.

"I'm upset with Robert on the way he treated me. I really thought we had something. Looking back like I said, I wanted him to want me. At first it was a job but I thought if I became a little more, he would want me."

"You can't replace the love you wanted from the male figure in your life, your father. Your father probably did love you. He may not have showed it, but only he could answer that. A bond between a daughter and father is special. The daughter wants her independence while the father wants her to stay that little girl. Sometimes it becomes a struggle of letting go. No one could ever replace him Cadence. You can try as hard as you can and believe it in your head but it will not work. I know."

I had to look down at my feet. Maybe my dad did have a sprinkle of love for me, but I was too upset and disappointed in him to see it. He didn't seem like the type to be all lovey dovey or maybe it was a strained relationship with my mother. She never talked about him as if she hated him but he did seem to care for her.

Thinking back at her funeral he cried. I saw him wipe the tears and that was the day, he took the girls in. They had told me how depressed he was as he would drink. He never hit them or spoke unkindly to them, but there was a hurt in his eyes as if a piece of him was missing. I left to go back to college thinking, I could conquer the world on my own, but what I failed to realize was that my family needed me and I wasn't there. I think that's why I try to provide not only their needs but provide their wants. Am I trying to make up for what my parents didn't do or is it because I have a guilty conscious?

"Talk to me Cadence, don't shut me out. Let me help you," Dr. Sims said sitting back down.

"I should have been more supportive. I should have seen the signs of my mother's depression. When I was around ten years old, I heard my mother tell my father, that she couldn't love him."

She said,"I don't know how to love you. I wish I could. I know you do but, I can't. My mother and father abandoned me as a child. I have lived from foster home to foster home, the things some of them did to me, were so awful, I try to block it out. My own mother and father didn't want me so they gave me up. I don't even know how to be a mother to Cadence and the twins, but it is so hard. Cadence is smart and I know she feels that I'm not like other mothers and it hurts me. I want to show her but I can't she would just be better off without me."

I closed my eyes thinking about her words. It broke my heart every time I heard them.

"Cadence?"

"I should have been there to help her instead of ignoring her and doing my own thing. I should have stayed and tried to talk to her but the first chance I got, I left. I should not have left her." The tears rolled down my face.

"Cadence it is not your fault. She had to seek the help. You could have tried every tactic in the world but if she didn't want it, it would not have worked. You were a child. It is not the child's responsibility to be the grown up." She came and sat beside me and hugged me.

The guilt, the bitterness and resentment was coming out. I needed to let it out, if not it would manifest itself and I didn't need more than I could bear. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and I needed to let it go.

"Cadence everything will be fine. Just let it go and look towards a better future. Stop living in the past. Open your eyes and live your life under your rules. You made the choice to be an escort, do you regret it?"

The question caught me off guard. Did I really regret making the decision? I didn't know. Have I've enjoyed it since I started? Yes. Would I have met Evan, Paul or even Robert and explored sensational pleasures that had me begging for more? No. If Robert would not have done what he did, would I still be enjoying his touch? Yes. Did I miss them? So much! Where would I be if I have never said yes to Lilly? Living paycheck to paycheck hoping things would get better. Would I still be scrounging trying to make a better life for my sisters and me? Yes. Would I be back in school pursuing my dreams. No. These were the unspoken questions that I needed to answer. Dr. Sims question mortified into so many more.

"I don't know. I wish I could give you a simple yes or no but I can't Dr. Sims. I may have had deep feelings for Robert, but I feel different with Paul and Evan. I can talk to them and it is not just about the sex. Paul is arrogant and tell you like it is but he has a soft side. Evan is just so sweet and understanding and they both don't judge me. I can be myself around them and it doesn't seem to be any expectations."

She took a deep breath. "I'm not saying that one of them is Mr. Right or all of them are wrong. You have to be careful. You walk a thin line where you can lose your head and even your heart, but you have to know where you stand in each relationship. Don't think there won't be others," she said.

"I was just assigned two more clients since nothing has been going on for months. Should I be worry?"

"No, this is the opportunity to start fresh. No emotions, walk the line and make sure nothing crosses over."

"I have been talking to Evan lately. No sex just talking. I didn't tell him about my new clients. We just talked about life and his issues with his daughter."

"Cadence you are crossing that line."

"I know but he wants to be my friend. How can I do this job and not have some type of communication with the opposite sex?"

"It's called the Call Center, Cadence. You have invited him into your personal space. This is where the emotions will come and take their place. You have crossed the line. All I can tell you is to be careful and know your place. If he is paying he is in control. When you are being "friends" you have the upper hand. Remember that and the transition won't be as bad. I really hope he is sincere."

"I think he is Dr. Sims. I want to trust him."

"I know Cadence but sometimes men want to be the hero. They have a hero complex and think they can save everyone, it can feed the ego. Just be careful. Sometimes we don't need to be saved because we can save ourselves." She looked at me and I smiled.

Evan words rang in my head. I promise I will come for you. Now maybe I didn't want him too.

Dr. Sims gave me a hug. She made me want to question things. Things from the past and things for my future. I was glad that I was able to cry and talk to someone that understood and wouldn't judge me.

I had set my appointment for the following week. My appointment was draining but exhilarating. I decided to stop off at a little bistro and grab some lunch.

The bistro was small and tucked away in the French Quarter. The lunch crowd had actually died down so I was able to find a table. A few minutes later a waiter came and took my order. I sat outside as the wind gently blew making it a pleasant day. Only in Louisiana can you have a spring day in January. I had a few hours before I was going to meet Marci. I sat around with my sunshades on and watched the people past by. Most were tourists as they were probably here to get away from the cold weather.

"Is this seat taken?"

I raised my eyes to see none other then Jacob Moore. Damn it! I didn't need this type of pressure. Didn't I just have a breakthrough in therapy?

"Hello," I said. The last time he spoke to me I had the most volatile wet dream of my life that even went into the next morning. I couldn't talk to him because I didn't want to end up like before. I was still a bit horny, although Evan tried to soothe me but now I felt a pounding in between my legs.

"Are you okay?" He said looking a little concern taking a seat. Those damn sea blue eyes caught me.

Fuck! I had to go. Where is the damn waiter when you need one? You can do this. Just breathe Cadence. In and out, in and out, but why was my mind imagining me riding him like a horse in the Kentucky Derby? In and out my ass, Shit!

"Cadence are you sure you are alright, you look a little pale and your face look flushed," he said putting his hand close to my face. If his hand would have come any closer I would have been putty.

"Miss here is your order," the waiter said.

"I've changed my mind, here take this," I said grabbing for the twenty out my pocket. "Keep the change. Goodbye Jacob. I'm sorry you are right, I'm not feeling that well. Have lunch on me. Have a good day."

Yes! I made it! As I walked back to my car. Well my plans of watching a Lifetime movie or reading a good book tonight was tossed out the window. Tonight it would be the history channel and Mark Twain anything else would be torture. No pun intended.

~~~~~~~~~~

I made it to Lilly's uptown house. Marci and I met up to make the final preparations for the ball.

"I thought we could spice up the ballroom with pictures of old Mardi Gras Balls we have had in the past. The attic should have boxes. Come on follow me," Marci said getting up from the desk.

We walked up the winding staircase until we reached a wooden door. Marci went in first as she took a step in. The huge room had boxes for days. I was so glad I had decided to wear jeans.

I walked in behind her as she turned the light on.

"You start on the right and I will start on the left. I know they should be in here somewhere," she said walking off. I headed over to my side. Box after box I looked inside realizing that Ms. Lilly had way too much stuff.

"Ms Lilly needs to have a garage sale. There is so much stuff in here that needs to be donated or sold," I said lifting up on doll clothes with a blanket.

"These are Lilly grandparents and their parents things. Some of this stuff is very valuable. I just hate that she is the last true Monroe." I could hear sorrow in Marci's voice.

"I thought she had family," I said still digging through the boxes.

"Since she is in the prostitution business no one in her family visits or speaks to her. They are devoted Catholics and Christians but it is no way they would want to be associated with her. She has been solo since I met her. She is strong and she handles business. Ben and I have been more family to her than anybody and now you are apart of our little family. She has taken a liking to you. Don't get me wrong she cares for all the girls but there is something about you that intrigues her."

"I'm simple Marci. You know me, I'm not into all the glamour and shenanigans."

"I know and that is the thing, she treats you differently then the others. Not in a bad way but she takes up the time with you. Cadence you helped out when she was in the hospital. Others came but you stayed there night after night until she was released. She knows that and I know she is grateful."

"When I got the news Marci, I was shocked. In my heart I knew I needed to be there. I don't know what it is about her but I feel a motherly connection to her even though I know she didn't have any children. Maybe because I don't have a mother and she was the first person to show kindness to me, I just felt in my heart I had to be there. I prayed in the chapel that first night that she would get better. If she would have died it would have felt if my mother was dying again." I wipe the tears from my eyes. I really did love Lilly like a mother.

"I know, she feels like a mother figure to me too but it would take something much worst to kill Lilly. She is a fighter and she helps those that need it, especially girls like us," she said giving me a hug.

"You are ruining your perfect make-up face," I said wiping away a tear from her face.

"I know, I can't let Frank see me like this. I going to go straighten my face. I will be right back. Keep digging until I come back." She walked out and headed back to her office.

I continued to dig. About five minutes later I took a break. Lilly really did have to much stuff in the attic. I went to take a seat and stumbled over a box. I fell backwards as the box fell on me. Thank goodness it wasn't heavy. I managed to get up and a ton of pictures fell out the box. I quickly picked them up to spot a photo that looked familiar. I looked at the photograph and the girl in the picture looked just like me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~<~

Well what do you think? Love to here your thoughts. Next chapter will have a sexual scene. FYI. Don't forget to vote, fan or comment. Thanks for reading!!!!