Her Lost Identity

Her Lost Identity [11] ~ Twinkle, Twinkle

A/N: Hey guys! I'm so sorry for the late upload. I've had writers' block for ages x_x but thanks to HalemaYasmin, I was able to throw something together. :') 

EDITED ~ November 26th

Chapter 11

 I’ve not seen Nathan for the past two days, ever since the time he took me to that beautiful place. We’ve texted but that’s about it. I’ve not seen Jess around much, either. She took some of her stuff over to Jake’s for a bit, she said she hasn’t got a problem with what he’d done. She said that it was before they met and like him, she’d slept with someone in the past week too. It did make sense, though. Maybe Jake is perfect for Jess... They’re both players, I guess.

To be honest, this whole trip to Ohio has been completely different as I thought it would. I thought I’d be with Jess the whole entire time, and I definitely didn’t think that Nathan and I were dating... Or whatever we are, since he’s not actually asked me to be his girlfriend. If he was to, what would I tell him anyway? I’m moving back to Cali soon, I don’t want to build any strong feelings for him whatsoever. I can’t face the heart ache of not seeing him all over again; it was hard enough the first time.

If I’d not been with Jess or Nathan for the past few days, what had I been doing? Drum roll please! I’d actually been spending time with my mum. Surprisingly, after we spoke (which was right after Nathan dropped me home), we really hit it off. The first hour was awkward and emotional as we talked about the understanding that she was dying and there was no way possible that she’d live. That saddens me. Even though someone may have made a mistake, did they deserve their lives to be taken away?

“Darling, I’m making dumpling and chicken casserole, wanna help me make the dumplings?” I put my reading book under my pillow and nodded excitedly at my mum. The grin on her face widened as she made her way down the stairs. I followed her lead as I remembered not to touch the walls on the way down; we’d repainted the whole house only yesterday. 

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“Love, pass me the salt will you?” I snapped out of my daze and reached over to the salt and pushed it toward mum. We, my mum and I, were having dinner. Was it the perfect time to bring it up or not? It could either go really well or really bad. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“Well...” I cleared my throat. “Do you know when you’ll... you know...”

“Die?” she questioned, looking casual. I was surprised at how calm she was about it. My eyebrows furrowed and I nodded. “The doctors say that I don’t have much time left, but I’m fine. I feel fine.”

“Why aren’t you upset?” I asked, wondering if it was the right question to ask.

“Why would I be? I have you here. My lovely daughter is here with me and will be for the rest of my life. How could I feel so bad?” a smile crept on to her face as she pulled my hand over to herself and kissed it as she held it in both hands. Taking my hand back, I said,

“You mean, you could die right now?” I asked, stunned. By now, I had lost my appetite. Pushing my plate forward, I stood up and walked over to my mum.

“No, it won’t be like that,” she began after gulping down the contents of her mouth. “I’m perfectly fine! Once I get ill, then... you know.”

“Oh,” the only word that would exit my mouth. How can you be so strong, so secure when you know you’re going to die? Was she not aware of what would happen to her?

I told my mum that I would go for a walk and be back as soon as I could. I threw on my jacket and left the house. It was dark out, it was cold. I looked up and around at the stars in the sky, not that they were many. They looked beautiful. They reminded me of my mother. When I was little, she’d sing me ‘twinkle twinkle’ to get me to sleep. Sometimes it would be at just five o’clock, reason being; Vincent would be home from the pub any time soon.

The cold wind nipped at my cheeks and nose. The silence of the lonely street sent a shiver down my spine. I spotted a familiar park in the distance, Nathan and I would go there every day after school. If Vincent wasn’t home, that is. I carried on walking toward it, looking down at my shoes as I did so.

Was I upset? I don’t know. Had I forgiven my mum? I don’t know. All I knew is that any time soon, my mum would die and I’d be around to witness it. Yeah, I’m happy to see my mum but why does it really make sense to build up all these hopes and feelings for my mum when she’s going to be taken away from me? Was it bad of her to do such a thing to her daughter? Did she really think it was best for me to wake up and find her dead? Is it selfish if I didn’t want to be here when she passes?

I’d still not reached the park; it seemed much closer from where I had stood before. I let out a soft moan and hugged myself to keep me warm. Suddenly, I felt that I wasn’t alone. I could hear faint footsteps behind me and light breathing. My heart began to race, is someone following me? I asked myself. I picked up my pace, trying my best to escape who or what could have been following me. Just then, I heard a half laugh, half grunt travel through my ears.

“Look who we have here...”

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