Her Lost Identity

Her Lost Identity [8] ~ Cheat

A/N: Hey, I hope you like this chapter! I haven't proof-read it so sorry about any mistakes.

Chapter 8

I heard my bedroom door creek open over the sound of me sobbing to myself. Peering through my blonde hair that covered my face, I saw my mum. She walked slowly over to me and stood there in silence. She pitied me; I could see it in her eyes. I shifted so that I was no longer facing her, but the wall. I didn’t want her pity, that’s something I lost a long time ago. Staring at the wall, ignoring the fact my mum was there, she leant down and kissed the back of my head. It reminded me how much my head had been throbbing from crying so hard.

“Lilian, I’m sorry... You have every right to be mad but let me look after you? You’re upset, I want to hold you,” she told me with her weak but soft voice. I exhaled the breath I didn’t know I was holding and turned back around to face mum.

“Not now, mum. I need to get through this by myself, okay?” I barely said in between sobs. As much as she wanted to be there for me, this was my fault. This needed to be dealt with by myself. My mum nodded at my after cracking a smile. She stroked my head then got up and left. I couldn’t help but feel something in my chest, it hurt. I’ve made a few mistakes in my life but this has gotta be one of the biggest. I knew that Nathan had a girlfriend, that didn’t stop me from kissing him. Melissa and I may have only met a day ago but I can’t help but feel guilty for what I’ve done... Isn’t it some kind of girl-code not to kiss each other’s boyfriends? That’s not even the worst part; how will Nathan and I ever be friends again? I snapped out of thoughts as I heard the door creek open again.

“Mum! Just get out. I told you already, I need to do this on my own!” I yelled with a harsh tone, not even looking up.

“Whoa, you scared the bejesus out of me!” a familiar voice said. I looked up to see Jess. Great! “What’s up with you? And what the hell happened in here?”

“Oh, Jess...” I let out, wiping my tears and standing up. “I had a bit of a break down.”

“I can see that,” she admitted, with humour in her voice. “Wanna tell your bestie all about it?” I nodded as the tears reformed in my eyes. Yeah, I know I told my mum I didn’t need her and I needed to get passed this on my own, but this was my best friend I was talking to. I let the tears run free as I told Jess what I’d done.

“You’re not serious?” she asked, blankly. “You’re crying because Nathan kissed you? That’s like, a miracle! He’s hot and obviously in to you.”

“He’s got a girlfriend. I’m such a bad person, Jess!” I cried more and more at the thought of this bad, bad thing that I’ve done. “What should I do?”

“Do nothing! You can pretend it never happened. If Nathan likes you, like, if he really likes you, he’ll dump Melissa. That Melissa came off as a bitch, anyway,” Jess tried to comfort me as she tidied the room and I helped her.

“I thought she was nice,” I managed to say without bursting out in tears. Jess just laughed and told me not to think about it. Eventually, I managed not to, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel as bad as I had about it. Once Jess and I had the room tidy, we had nothing to do. I was still in an upset mood but no more than before.  

“So...” Jess began as she took a seat on my bed beside me. “I didn’t sleep with Jake.”

“Oh, why?” I asked, genuinely surprised. Once Jess says she’s to do something, she does it.

“This is entirely your fault,” she accused, playing with her fingers. I couldn’t help but frown despite how much I was glad she hadn’t done it. “It was like you was there telling me not to, like you were my conscience. It was hell. I just couldn’t go through with it but to my advantage, Jake said he’ll wait.”