Her Lost Identity

Her Lost Identity [16] ~ Don't give a Damn

Chapter 16

It’s been two weeks since I last saw Nathan. He’s still not called me or texted back. There was something he wasn’t telling me – something he was hiding. If he truly loved me like he said he did and read my message, he would have got in contact by now. I was more or less pissed off with Nathan than upset that he hasn’t called me. He showed so much affection for me and then it all just stopped. Plus, he can’t really be mad at me for what I did; he didn’t even give me a chance to speak.

Jess came back from Jake’s last week. Despite the fact that she wouldn’t stop talking about how wonderful Jake was, I still enjoyed her company. She would bring up Nathan’s name and my mood would suddenly drop. Jess would see that and change the subject – try her best to make me laugh.

She told me that she was going to go back to Jake’s today and that I could come too. He was throwing a party. I came to conclusion that Nathan wouldn’t be there so it wouldn’t be as awkward and that it wasn’t such a bad idea. Jess picked out an outfit for her and me – out of my clothes. I didn’t really mind, though. Once Jess and I got all dressed up, she called up Jake to ask if he would pick us up.

“Hey,” Jess called down her phone in a flirtatious tone. “So, could you pick us up?” she asked. I didn’t catch the rest of the conversation as I was too busy checking to see if I looked okay for the party.

My lips were well glossed and a bright red colour that matched the colour of my tight short dress. The dress hugged my figure, Jess said that it complimented my complexion well and went nicely with the red wedgies I wore. I had my hair on my left side, the curls dangling down and just passing my chest. Moments before, Jess had pushed a clip in to keep it from moving to the other side. To be honest, I looked hot. Most of all, I didn’t look like Lilian.

***

A familiar car noise came from outside. This must be our ride, we thought. I trailed down the staircase as Jess followed. She ushered my out the door, causing me to trip over and land flat on the floor. I rush of pain went through my body. Before I could get myself up, I had the help of some very large hands, pulling me up and getting me on both two feet.

“Thanks,” I muttered as I straightened up my dress. I didn’t even want to look him in the eye, I felt too embarrassed. As I walked over to the car, something was too familiar... The car, I had seen it before. I turned around to face the most beautiful face ever – Nathan’s. What was he doing here? My eyes narrowed as I exhaled loudly. I turned around stormed over to his car, getting in the back seat slamming the door behind me.

Shortly after my sulk, both Jess and Nathan got in to the car, both not saying a word. Good, I thought.

* * *

I tried to stand up properly on the pool game but it was no use, I wasn’t sober enough. Wobbling like jelly on a plate, I sung lyrics the lyrics to ‘I don’t give a damn’ by Avril Lavigne.

I don’t give a damn about you,

I won’t give it up, not for you.

I don’t give a damn about you,

I won’t give it up, not for you.

I’m not gonna cry about some stupid guy,

A guy who thinks he’s all that.

“You’re drunk,” a voice said from behind me. Strong hands wrapped around my legs, making me fall on the table and in to the arms of someone strong. It wasn’t Nathan.

“I don’t give a damn,” I sung, teasingly toward the dirty blonde hottie who had now put me down. “Wanna see me take my clothes off?” I chuckled loudly.

“Let’s get you out of here,” I grinned widely, following the blonde guy whose face wasn’t quite clear. He pulled me through the crowds of people and up stairs which I struggled to get up. I kept stumbling, sending pain through me as I hit my shin on the staircase.

He picked me up for the rest of the journey upstairs so I wouldn’t fall. He walked in to a room on the far left of the corridor and flicked the light on before plopping me down on to a bed. It was coming clear; I could identify who he was.

“Jake?” I asked, giggling like a little girl. “Oh shit, sorry.”

“We’re gonna get you sober, don’t worry,” he ensured me. There was something about him, something I’d not seen before. He seemed more genuine – caring.

“Who’s ‘we’?” I asked, confused. I looked up at Jake who was grinning like a little boy who just bought ice-cream.

“Jess and I,” he told me, still smiling. “Don’t tell her, but... I think I really like her.”

“She really likes you too,” I managed to say, my words slurred. My vision blurred again as tears welled up in my eyes. “She really likes you...”

“Why are you crying?” he asked, wiping the tears away from my cheeks with his grey cardigan. He pulled me in to a hug, trying his best to calm me down.

“I’m sorry I thought you were no good for Jess,” I told him, letting my tears pour freely. “Why is everything so fucked up?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, his warm breath tickling my skin. Before I could reply, Jake was gone. I rubbed my eyes and leaned over the bed to look on the floor. Jake lye there, flat on the floor, blood pouring down his face from his nose. Anger filled his eyes. I looked up to see Nathan.

“You’re a fucking dick,” I cursed as I lumbered myself off the bed and to Jake’s side. He sat up, wiping away the blood from his nose with his sleeve, the same sleeve he used to wipe my tears away.

“So you’re going to take all my girlfriends, now?” he yelled, sending shivers down my spine. His eyes were set on Jake as if he was ready to pound him in to the ground.

“Stop it!” I screamed at the top of my voice. I came to my feet and surprisingly, I didn’t fall. For some reason, I felt more sober than before however the tears were still falling like a rainfall after a drought. “Firstly, nothing’s going on between us. Secondly, he was here when you weren’t. Lastly, you can’t exactly call me your girlfriend if you haven’t called, texted or came to see me in the past two weeks. Get out!” I screeched, pounding him on his chest as hard as I could – which wasn’t exactly hard at all. He pulled me in to a hug and apologised but I shrugged him off and turned to Jake who was now at his feet. I took him out of the room and toward the bathroom, where we passed Jess as she came with a cup of coffee and a sandwich.

Whilst I tried to get fully sober, Jess was taking care of Jake whose nose bleed had calmed down. No wonder why his nose looked broken, Nathan’s probably punched it too often.

What did I ever see in Nathan? He’d turned in to this mean, violent person I’d not known before. He was never like that. I may have changed but not as much as he has. I’d give anything to go back in time, to prevent what made him always aggressive and angry.