dinner || tronnor

19

troye's pov

I am kind of worried. Well, kind of is an understatement.

During school, when everything is going well, we can't help but remember that Connor has to go home at the end of the day. Home to his wretched and scaring life. I don't understand how he can expect me to not worry about this. I can barely tap him on the shoulder without causing him pain.

Yesterday at lunch we basically told each other that we have feelings for the other person, which felt nice because Sage would not shut up about it. I mean it's not like Connor and I weren't aware of the mysteriousness of our relationship. We almost kissed and then we did kiss and said a bunch of cliche stuff, so it's not like either of us has never thought of the other that way. It just feels different. All of my feelings of lust and liking of him has been paralleled, if not taken over, by concern. I don't know how much longer I can go without erupting at him. Connor was so blind. If I could only get him to see that he doesn't deserve any of this and that it's okay to be happy, he might find the strength to do something about his dad.

As of last night, Connor found where his dad hid his phone and stole it back. Connor told me that he had kept his old phone and put that one in it's place.

"My dad will be too drunk to notice," he whispered into the phone late last night on his balcony. His dad was out, at a bar he presumed. He usually does.

I keep quiet at this, knowing what I have to say will only upset him. After all, he has never listened to me about his dad before.

"Please stop worrying about me," Connor whispers, his voice quivering a little bit. It broke my heart

"You can't expect me not to. Wouldn't you?" He ignores me.

"You should go to bed," Connor trails off. I can tell he feels uncomfortable.

"Goodnight Connor."

"Goodnight Troye."

I try not to think about him. His eyes, his mouth or even the tiny scar on his forehead. I try to think about any thing else besides the curve of his lips when he smiles even slightly or the sweet waves of his hair, shining and reflecting the sun. I avoid the glimpses of memories of him lightly swinging next to me at the park.

I'm doing a great job so far.

To distract myself, I start thinking about my senior project. I want to write, like my mom said, but I want it to mean something. I feel like if I try to write anything it's just going to end up being a rant about my life, not that I have much to complain about besides how hard it is for me to do a normal human function like eating. And then there's Connor but I'm sure he wouldn't want me writing about his life because that would require him telling me he things and he pretty much always refuses to do that.

But nothing feels good enough. Even if it did, it wouldn't be original. This kind of concerns me because I haven't got much time left.

As I sit here thinking, I hear a knock on my door. I hear my mother whisper in a sing song voice, "Troooye?"

"Come in mum," I call. I'm worried she'll see that there's something wrong. She can do that just by looking at my face.

She steps in lightly and sits down on my bed across from me. I know that something is wrong because she starts to run her fingers across my knee in a soothing manner. She used to do this all the time when I was a kid and I fell at the playground or in middle school when everyone called me a fag. It felt nice, now, but it was a clear signal that something wasn't right.

"What is it?" I ask cautiously. Do I even want to know?

"Sagey told me something was bothering you..." she trails off wanting me to fess up. "Something about your friend Connor."

Of course Sage said something. I didn't know what to do. I knew I should tell my mom so that she can help but he asked me not to tell.

Suddenly I start to cry. All of my thoughts of Connor and his parents flood into my mind and I collapse into my mothers arms. She holds me while I shake and gives me a few moments until whispering to me to tell her what's going on.

"Mum, his dad is beating him," I choke out. My heart sinks with the words and I feel like I've betrayed him.

"Oh, honey," she coos and rubs my back.

"What do we do?" I try to sit up but she pulls me back into her.

"We need to call the police, Tro. It's not safe for him to be there."

"What if he hurts Connor or his mom?"

"He won't. There has to be something inside of him that loves his family."

But I wasn't so sure about that.

Later, she left my room telling me that everything will be okay and she will take care of it. I feel wrong and I don't know why. What I just did will help Connor, right?

I fall asleep thinking about him, his bruises and his forest green eyes.

~

At school the next day, Connor is in a rather good mood. He tells me that he slept well last night, which I don't know if I buy or not because he looks as tired as always.

I can barely keep my mouth shut about telling my mom. She told me that she would call the authorities this afternoon. Connor will hate me when they show up. He'll know that it was me.

I just wanted to tell him that I did it for him. He can't imagine the worry I feel.

At lunch Sage is oddly quiet and I assume that she feels guilty. Connor asks her what's wrong several times but she brushes it off and eats her food. I just tell him not to mind her. I feel the way she does on the inside.

At the park after school we sit on the swings and I count the seconds of silent breathing between us.

"I know something is wrong, Troye."

"I told my mom," I blurt out cringing at my words.

"What?" he questions even though he knows perfectly what I mean.

"I'm sorry but I was so worried. It was eating me alive, seeing you this way all the time. No one deserves to live how you're living."

"Troye it wasn't up to you, okay? I told you not to say anything and now they're going to take him away for a year and he'll come back ten times worse. That's what always happens. You don't understand and you never will. It was confidential information and I trusted you with it."

He starts breathing heavily and tears come out of his scared eyes. He starts to walk away toward his apartment before I catch his arm in my grip but then gently release it when I see the pain on his face.

"I'm sorry I never meant for this. I was just trying to help," I whisper feeling like such an idiot as he walks away. He never asked for my help.

He never asked for anyone's help.

hiiii sorry that took forever but I wanted to make it good so I took my time. hope you liked and if you it let me know :)

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