dinner || tronnor

18

connor's pov

I was so scared when I looked at him. Scared of his thoughts, feelings and what he might do next. Mr. Lane leaves and we are completely alone. The walls feel like they're inching us closer, or maybe that's just my nerves. Troye looks just as terrified as I probably do. I feel concious that he doesn't want me here.

"I can leave if you want..." I offer quietly and begin to step away. I hear him inhale sharply and look up at his tear filled eyes. God, they're so fucking pretty.

He takes a few quick steps and he's right in front of me. I can't breathe. He crashes his small body into my small body and I am in total shock. He buries himself into my chest and torso and I think he starts to shake. I feel wet spots forming in my shirt and I know he's trying not to sob. I wrap my arms around his bony and small back and rub little circles into his skin with my fingers. I tell myself not to cry but I feel tears slipping out before I can stop them. Troye is trying so hard to hold back that he chokes and gags. I try to hold him tighter and sooth him as much as I can but I feel like I'm not much help because I'm just as bad as he is.

"I'm so glad you're back," I whisper into his hair and sniffle. This seems to make him cry harder.

"You have to get out of there," he repeats over and over, shaking his head against my chest.

"I can't," I sigh. "I just can't."

"It's not safe, Connor. He's torturing you and your mother. Someone has to do something." He sounds so scared and it feels wrong that he is so upset about my problems.

"You're not telling me anything I don't already know," I whisper. I feel ashamed that he has seen this side of me. I wish he would have never come over that day and seen my dad.

"I know. I know you don't want to ask for help. But what about your mom? Don't you think she deserves better?"

"Of course I do, Troye. I don't think you understand. It's just that there's nothing I can do. He has so much power over me," I sniffle out. "I just want you," I whisper and then realize what I've said. "...To be happy and here and that's what I have," I recover.

I wrap him up again and we try to calm ourselves down. Troye tells me about the hospital and how he actually did make a friend there who he really likes. I tell him about his sisters endless worrying and checking in on me. He laughs at this and tells me that 'might have' been his fault and I tell him I thought it probably was. We break apart because we are both hot and claustrophobic and breathing heavily and we sit next to each other on top our desks. Once we are both composed, Mr. Lane pops in at seemingly perfect timing and Troye and I share a glance that asked, was he watching the whole time?  But I don't think either of us really cared. We were just glad to be back in each others presence.

During class, people looked at Troye and some of them looked at me. I had just realized that it was almost like Troye and I switched places. Me, now boney and tired like he once was, and him looking healthy and clean like I once did. It was ironic yet sad at the same time. Two broken people.

After class ended we went our separate ways and I told Troye to meet Sage and I in the cafeteria because she insists that we all sit together.

Troye walks away from me sadly. I feel wrong that he feels so terribly about my sittuation. It's not like it's his fault. I know he cares about me but I also know I've screwed up any chances of us being more than friends already. He probably doesn't want someone with so many problems. I have started to avoid my mirror at all costs. I'm sickeningly thin because my dad eats everything and we are running out of money. I worry so much that my face has become permanently concerned and the bags under my eyes will probably never go away. My mother looks rough, as well. It breaks my heart to see her like this.

I just wish Troye wouldn't worry so much. He needs to focus on him getting better and being with his family and school work. Instead he is thinking about me and wondering how he can help. I just don't want him to try to tell someone because it would put everyone in danger.

On my way to lunch, I am convinced to talk to Troye about our senior projects. I have literally no idea what to do. Am I even good enough at anything to do something cool? I just feel like whatever I do is going to be extremely lame and unoriginal. I'm sure whatever Troye does will be amazing.

I run into Sage on the way to lunch and we start talking.

"Hey, how are you?" she asks and pokes my arm near a fresh bruise. I flinch and smile at her a little.

"Good, actually."

"Because of Troye. Right?"

"I mean, yeah, he's a great friend."

"Come on, are you blind?" Sage whines. "You can't not know how much he likes you!"

"It's not your place to say, Sage. He has to tell me for himself. Then I'll believe it."

"That won't be hard," she whispers.

"Sage, please, please don't get involved in this! He just got out of the hospital for fucks sake," I say with a sigh.

"I know! But he likes you so much! He didn't even say hi to me when he came home he just asked about you!" She seems so excited like this is some homosexual Nicholas Sparks fantasy.

"I never even told you I was gay. How in the hell do you know everything?"

"First of all, it's so obvious. Also, Troye and I talk. We're close!" She exclaims, proud of the relationship she has with her brother.

"Okay, well, I'm glad you two are oh so happy gossiping together, but please don't try to force us together. Even if he does like me," I stop to gag playfully, putting my finger in my mouth. "We will do this naturally, however long it takes."

"That gagging thing you just did was too soon," Sage whispers with a searious face.

"Oh my god! I didn't even realize! I'm so sorry! Don't tell him I did that! Oh my god, that was so shitty," I exclaim, terrified.

She laughs loudly and hard and by the time we reach our table, Troye already nibbling on his lunch, she is almost choking.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Troye asks me pointing at his crying sister.

"You don't want to know," I say quietly, still recovering from my scare. I sit down across from Troye and shake my head lightly at his crazy sister.

"I'm gonna go get my lunch," she announces.

"Yes, go," I say pretending to be mad at her.

I like having friends.

"You know she thinks we like eachother..." I say, without my brain telling me too. It seems I do that far too often.

"Don't we?"

"Oh, good."

A.N. helloooo

how are ya?

sorry that took a while but I like this chapter and if you do too give it a like !

also shout out to my girls Sincerely_Maddie and Diamondbanana bc they're my babes and I love them and I could never live without them.

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