dinner || tronnor

3

troye's pov

When I went to school that day I couldn't see clearly. My vision, along with my headache, was one of the many downsides of not eating. But to me, the only upside was the most important one; staying thin.

When I stepped out of my car that morning, I felt a sharp pain behind my eyes and I slid my shades on even though it was fairly overcast. I assumed that people may think that I'm hungover but I don't care. I don't talk to people at school anyway.

At soon as I make it to Mr. Lane's room, I take out my phone and scroll through my tumblr feed. The bell hasn't rung yet and Mr. Lane was always cool about letting me come in before school so that I didn't have to go to study hall with the other students. He knows how much I resisted against them. He looks up after I sit down.

"Hey, Troye. You okay?"

I chuckle nervously. "Yeah why wouldn't I be?"

He smiles. "Well for one you're wearing sunglasses inside. Also, you look really pale."

I'd forgotten about the glasses I smile, embarrassed. "Oh. Right. I'm fine." So now I would have to deal with that all day. I haven't eaten anything in three days and all I do is drink water and have the occasional glass of wine. It's so easy for me to resist food now, unlike in the beginning. I purged a lot when I first decided to stop eating because I didn't have he self control to stop myself. I felt guilty and disgusting after I ate so I always ended up making myself puke. The beginning was the roughest part.

I stayed put until the bell rang and then took out my copy of Great Expectations and the pen I like to use to make notes. I've always been picky about that. Kids filed in the room and Mr. Lane took his spot at the stool in the front of the classroom. I looked at each of them, spectating. I could just see their whole lives on their faces. Some of them lived off of their dad's income. Some of them will never have to work a day in their lives. It seems unfair but it's not like I expect it to be fair. I have a certain aspect of common sense.

Mr. Lane starts to speak. "I want you all to take out your copies of GE and start your annotations for chapter 9. Please ask me if you have any questions."

I watch him walking back to his desk. Mr. Lane had a funny way of knowing that wasn't like most adults. I felt like he knew me better than every person at this school, including my younger brother, Tyde, who was attending class just down another hallway as a freshman.

I begin to work on my assignment and a little less than fifteen minutes later someone came in the door. It doesn't phase me and I keep working until they walk up to Mr. Lane's desk. It's a boy. He's small and sort of pale, slender but short. I could only see the back of him, his hair was a maple color and his bag was a charcoal gray. From what I could tell, he has a nice fashion sense and had a nice butt. That's always important. He talks in hushed tones for a while and it's not until Mr. Lane starts talking that I find out that the new boys name is Connor. They talk for a little while longer until Mr. Lane points over at the empty seat next to me.

Oh great, I'm thinking. What if he's chatty?

It changes when he turns around. I try not to stare but it's really hard. He nods appreciatively at Mr. Lane and heads for his new seat next to me. He trips over his shoes and stumbles for a second until he finds his balance and makes it to his seat. His cheeks become a dark shade of pink, but that wasn't the reason that I stared at his face.

He was the most stunning person I had ever seen. His nice hair flopped over his forehead in a natural looking way and it looked effortless. He had a beautiful complexion and lushes lips that I wanted to touch. His eyes mesmerized me like wide green galaxies and I could simply not stop staring at him. It was now that I realized that he was looking at me too and at first he gave a simple smile but when he realized that I wasn't looking away he gave a questioning look. I blushed and looked down at my book but I could not stop glancing over at this kid for the rest of the class. He was gorgeous.

Eventually, the bell rung and I had only 'read' five pages the whole class because I was concerned about whatever the boy was doing. I moved on to my next class and tried to get his eyes out of my mind. It didn't work. By the time my lunch period had come around, I had to stop in the hallway three times on my way to the cafeteria because of my dizziness. I sat down at an empty table and the only thing I could smell was food. It was everywhere, all around me. I should have known that if I had come here that this would happen. It effected me in a way that I couldn't hear and couldn't see and all I needed was something in my stomach. So I stand up and head for the lunch line. I decide on salad and an apple because it seemed like the healthiest option. My hands shook as I reached out to pay for my food and I saw the lunch lady give a concerned look.

I struggled back to my seat and by this point the room was spinning and I knew I needed this food. I took my water bottle out of my bag and chugged it down, my stomach was leaping for attention. I carefully bit into the apple not knowing how this would feel. Once I had one bite I couldn't stop and I had gotten to the core in a couple minutes. I started on my salad and knew that I would regret this but it was better than passing out and causing a scene at school. If I went to the doctor and they found out I was what I'd heard of as 'anorexic,' they would put me into a hospital and make me eat until I gained weight. I'd only been safe going to the doctor for check ups because I hid weights in my sleeves and pant legs. I had perfected hiding my secrets for so long and if anyone found out now, it would all be for nothing. It was never as big of a secret when people found out I was gay because it was obvious. I wore platform women's converse and painted my nails, you would have to be blind to not know that I am a homosexual. This, however, was something that I kept hidden very well.

After I ate I felt disgusting. My stomach was rolling and I knew that if I didn't throw this up now, it would settle and all of it would be permanently comfortable in my body. The thought sickened me even more. I threw away my trash and headed for the bathroom. Maybe I can do this quietly?

As soon as I got inside I headed for a stall, without another thought. I bend down and stick my fingers as down my throat as far as I could. I gagged so much that my eyes watered and I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks, both from the feeling and the self hatred. I knew I shouldn't be doing this but I needed it out of me now. I finally throw up and stand up from the floor wiping my mouth and flushing the toilet. I'm disgusting.

I opened the door stall door and could not comprehend what I saw. The new boy, Connor, stood a yard away from the stall door with red eyes and a runny nose. His face was pink and he held a wad of toilet paper. He was staring at me in surprise. I immediately didn't know what to do.

So I said, "If you tell anyone about this..." And then I left. I left the bathroom, I left the lunchroom and I left the school.

I felt terrible for what had just happened. I walked down the side walk for a while just thinking about how awful it was. He was crying. How could I say that? And why was he crying in the bathroom in the first place? God why did I do that?

I wondered around the small park near the school for a while until I knew that school was let out. I walked back to campus and got into my car, trying to be as unnoticeable as possible. I drove away and tried to escape my thoughts. Why had I done that? He might have just thought that I had gotten sick if i hadn't said anything. I'm such an idiot. Could I even show my face at school tomorrow? What if he had told someone? Jesus.

All I really knew was that the angel-faced boy was crying and I wanted to know why.

A/N Thanks for reading! vote, comment and share :)