dinner || tronnor

5

troye's pov

My hand shook as a placed the note on Connor's desk. He saw it immediately and held it with his fingers, looking unsure. After a while, he looked up at me as if asking for permission. I gave him what I hoped was an encouraging nod. I didn't want him to think I was pressuring him, especially if he was worried about skipping class. I could understand that, coming to a new school and skipping class was risky but it was the best time for us to talk. I wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday and ask him nicely to not tell anyone about it. I hoped that everything would go smoothly.

I looked at him, expecting him to look up at me and nod to tell me yes. But he just sat there like he couldn't read. I hoped that he knew that I wasn't mad or anything. After the torture of watching him sit there like a statue, the bell rung and I walked to my locker putting things away before I left for the park. I could only hope that he would follow.

I left the school out of a side door and walked over to the park. It was cute and hidden by trees and there was no one there because even the little kids were still in school. I came here a lot when I couldn't take school shit. My grades don't suffer too much.

I sat down on one of the swings and rocked back and forth slowly and smoothly. I thought about being on a swing as a child and feeling like I was flying. I remember being jealous of the birds because they got to do it all the time. My thoughts are interrupted by leaves crinkling behind me and footstep coming towards my location. I knew it was him, I could feel it.

He sat down on the swing next to me and I was worried that he would be able to hear my heart beating out of my chest. I had never been this nervous in my life.

I take a deep breath and speak. "I don't think we've met properly. I'm Troye Mellet."

He looked up at me and gave me a sort of half smile. "Connor Franta." That smile killed me. I was dying to reach out and mess up his perfect hair and feel the curve of his lips. This is not the time for that, Troye.

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday, I know it was weir-"

"Why do you do that to yourself?"

"Why were you crying?"

He huffed a laugh and glanced at the ground. "I asked first."

"I asked second."

He stared at me with a ghost of a smile on his face.

"I was thinking about something, Troye Mellet."

"So was I. Are we settled with that then?"

"Hardly," he smirked. I felt as though I had cracked a shell that hadn't been touched in a while. His eyes shone brighter when he smiled even just a little. I wondered what it would be like to make him laugh.

"Anyway, I'm sorry for what happened in the bathroom."

"It's fine. I just wish I understood."

"Understood what?"

"You."

"Oh." And then there was a silence, but I wouldn't call it awkward because my heart felt warm and my face held a small smile that felt like it had just come out of hiding. What was it about Connor Franta?

"So are you okay? I mean like... emotionally?" I asked, cautiously. It had hurt me to see him with those red eyed and pink cheeks. Connor laughed, but not the kind that I wanted.

"No."

"I would like to help you then, Connor," I said, heat rising to my cheeks. The words came to my mouth before my head processed them.

"I would like to help you, too."

"Well, that's unfortunate because I don't need help."

"Troye, you're stick thin. Literally."

This made me laugh. "No, I'm not."

He shook his head and stared off into the sky.

"I feel like I know who you are. You're the kind of person that doesn't appreciate what you bring to the world. You're the person who feels so small that if one of the big kids stepped on you no one would notice," he tells me.

"But that's the thing. You don't actually know me, do you?"

"That can be changed."

"Do you want it to be changed? Do you want to be hurt every time my mood swings or I change my attitude with the drop of a needle? Do you really want to be a part of this? Because I can give you a list of people who said they did."

"Troye."

"Look, Connor, I barely even know you."

"I know but I think I want to know you. I feel like no one around here really does. Am I right on assuming that?"

I blushed. He was really trying and I hoped that he knew that I'd figured out that he was gay. Was he trying to hide it? Why? He's in L.A. for heaven's sake, no one judges around here.

"Fine. I have to go but I'll see you tomorrow?" It came out as more of a question, and I didn't mean for that. Now, he was blushing and I was blushing and we were both embarrassed and I just wanted to hug him.

"Definitely. Can I just tell you something weird?"

"Of course," I say a little uncertain.

"I feel like I've known you my entire life. I'm sorry, that was so strange. Why did I say that?"

I had a big smile on my face now. I knew I had to make him feel less awkward so I did something I would never do. It's just something about him. "Hey, can I do something?" I ask, hoping for a yes.

I didn't wait for him to respond before I pulled him into a hug. It only lasted about five seconds but it felt so good and I finally let go the breath that I was holding once I felt him wrap his arms around my back. I pulled away.

"Let's get back to class, shall we?" 

We both kinda laughed, our cheeks red and facing the ground. We walked in silence together until we reached the school and went our separate ways.

Jesus Christ those eyes would be in my head forever.

A.N.

Thanks so much for reading! Like, comment and tell your friends :)

Listened to LANY while writing this chapter. Give them a listen!

dedicated to maddie again bc maddie is life and she's the only person that I talk to so yay maddie youre the best!