dinner || tronnor

8

connor's pov

I absolutely, more than life, more than death, more than anything else did not want to pull away from Troye Sivan Mellet at that moment. I had to, though, and it wasn't good to be doing this so soon. I mean he knows that I'm gay now, but he most likely did before. I felt so open now, I'd let him get close to me and even though I know I shouldn't have, I wanted to and I wanted it to keep happening and let it go even further. I wanted our lips to envelope each other and speak for us. I wanted to be as close to him as humanly possible. I wondered how he felt, he obviously wanted to kiss me so there's some confidence.

As soon as the bell rang I jerked my head back and hit my head on the dash board. We both blushed hard and laughed a little, untangling ourselves from the car seat. Troye grabs the folder and I close the door and lock it. Troye and I started to walk back  to school but before we got to the door, I stopped because I felt like I had to.

"Troye, I'm gay." It felt so good.

"I know, Con," he laughed out lightly and pulled me in for a hug as I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment. It seemed like forever but didn't last long enough at the same time. He knew that he was the first person I told. I could see it on his face and he understood the relief I felt as soon as the words fell out of my mouth. It was probably the second time I'd ever said those two words, the other being to the mirror.

At the end of our hug he squeezed me causing a painful flash through my rib cage, were I always got the bruises. Hopefully, now, they'll go away for good. I wince and Troye notices.

He looks at me questioningly and I give him a look that can only mean that I don't want to talk about it. He pretends to accept that and takes my hand as we walk to the door.

I just realized that I almost had my first kiss in my English teachers car. What the fuck?

We walk down the hallway in a nervous silence and I realize that we are still holding hands. All I can think to do is look at them. His hand, skinny and cold with long fingers and trimmed short finger nails. Mine, small and clammy with short fingers.

Troye saw me looking and smiled.

"Sorry," he said sweetly, pulling away. Only, I didn't want him to.

"Oh no! I mean... It's okay. If you want?"

He smiles and laughs loudly. "You're really cute, you know that?" I just smiled at this and blushed like crazy. Outside of Mr. Lane's room he stopped abruptly and brought my hand up near his face. He then lowered his lips to the back of my shaking hand and looked up into my eyes. All I could do was smile and squeal like a thirteen year old on the inside. Did he just kiss my hand?

He dropped my hand back down to my side and opened he door. I was still trembling. How was he so confident? I almost peed myself every time I even looked at him.

I follow him in the class room and someone utters an, "Oooo." And a few people snicker. I tried not to think about how they were probably suspecting my sexuality. That would never make me want to stay away from Troye.

He went to Mr. Lane and handed him the folder and I went to our seats and sat down. I hadn't even thought about what must be inside of the folder but it was private I suppose. Troye came back and sat down giving me a small smile and with that, class began with a lecture.

What I loved about Mr. Lane already was that he never made anything boring. He could be giving a lecture about the most dull subject in the world and I would still be on the edge of my seat. I wondered what it would take to be someone as influential as he was. I felt like I might have jumped off of a bridge if he could've given me a good enough reason.