dinner || tronnor

16

con's pov

I float.

The bath tub is filled with water and I soak in it for hours.

My skin, already bruised and torn, is now pruned. The length of time I've spent in the water has wrinkled every ounce of me. I lay in peace, my head just above the water. My fingers skim the surface, dancing across it.

I think about my swimming days and how over they are. I loved the feeling of water gliding over my shoulders and legs, pulling me into an infinite freedom. I could do anything in the water.

Now, I am a prisoner of my bed room. I cannot go outside of it in fear of my father. He threatens to take it off the hinges because he wants 'father and son' time but then he gets too drunk to remember that plan. I sleep on the floor while my mother sleeps on my bed. She doesn't know what to do with herself now that she's not working. She often asks me what I'm going to do for my senior project but I have no inspiration inside of me anymore. All of the things I used to admire are now sucked out of my being, like when my dad came he stole my desire to live.

Sage continues to badger, she becomes increasingly worried and stays by my side at school. At first, she would always ask me what's wrong and why I looked so tired and scared all the time. She has realized that I won't answer, let alone speak, and just exists with me. We eat lunch together in silence and walk the hallways together until she has to go to her classes. She tells me weird stories about her friends and family but I don't comprehend or respond.

This morning was the only time that she has actually told me something I care about. We were sitting on a bench in B Hall, me reading a book and her on her phone.

"You know Troye's coming home tomorrow?"

Had it really been two weeks? I am shocked that I had forgotten because he had been the only thing I was holding on to. I counted the days, hours, minutes until I would see him again.

"Sage," she is shocked to hear my voice.

"Yes?"

"You can't let Troye see me when he gets home."

"Connor, what? He did this for you. He wants to get better for you. He says it's for himself and for us, but the way he looks at you... he doesn't want you to turn away because of his issues. It would break his heart."

"He is doing this for himself and I would never hide myself from him because of his anorexia. If anything, I would be more attached. It's not that. You can't let him see me because it's dangerous, okay?"

I walked away before she could answer. If Troye tried to see me tomorrow, it could be really dangerous for him. My father would know who he was and he would freak out. He would lash out at Troye and I can't let that happen. Troye cannot be around me.

My dad used to have brief moments of sobriety and would try to show affection. He would ask why I was so affraid to be near him, like he didn't remember what he did when he was intoxicated. I haven't seen him sober since he arrived.

I drain the bath tub and put on some underwear and a tshirt. My mom is already in my bed so I go to my blankets and pillow on the floor and get settled. I look up to her and see tears on her face and I wipe them off wth my thumb. She doesn't deserve this.

I try to sleep but my mind is racing. Troye will be home tomorrow. Two minutes up the street, Troye would arrive, hug his family and, if Sage was right, he'll think about me. He might be hoping that I'll be there with his family when he comes home. Or maybe he'll want some privacy and try to come to my apartment. Sage must keep him away. My father, raging homophobe that he is, will take out his anger on Troye and I.