dinner || tronnor

12

connor's pov

It was almost exactly what I had expected when Troye was gone. I woke up and checked my phone for no reason. I ate breakfast and cleaned something, got ready for school and started walking to it. I've seen my mom twice since Troye left on Monday and both times she was sleeping. I left her food in the fridge. I mostly just did my homework and slept. I felt so bland and I almost wanted to laugh at myself because this was how it had been before I'd even met Troye. I was so boring that it made me want to slap myself out of it like this was just a dream.

I kept reaching for my phone to text Troye whenever something funny or interesting happened at school or in a documentary he told me to watch. I also wanted his help with some homework but realized that he wasn't there to laugh at me for asking about what he thought was easy. I wanted his spontaneous texts to hang out and his song suggestions. I didn't realize that these things mattered until he wasn't there to do them. I managed to distract myself with school and worrying about my mother.

Yesterday, the second day of his absence, Sage asked me over to hang out. Sage is Troye's sister and she's only a little bit younger and really nice. We hung out in her room and she even painted my finger nails like she does for Troye sometimes. It was a pretty dark blue that she had recommended. I had a lot of fun with her and I think we're starting to become friends. I hope Troye will be okay with that. She did tell me some secrets about Troye like how he's a really good singer and often practices in the shower and that he weaves bracelets with his toes. That explained the small thread bands he wore on his wrist. I thought they were very cute. Sage also told me that Troye talks in his sleep and talks about the weirdest things. She swore she heard him say my name once which made blush when she told me. I bashfully let out a "Probably not" but secretly hoped it was true because I dream about him, too.

When I came home from the Mellet's house I felt really lonely all of the sudden. I put on some music and took a bath, trying to relax but nothing could keep my mind off of him. I wondered if they were treating him well at the hospital and if he was making any acquaintances, and became jealous of anyone that may be in there with him. I knew that was really stupid because the people there are struggling with their own serious problems. I sunk down under the bubbles and the water and let go of my held in breath, seeing how long I could stay under before my body screamed at me.

Friday was the day that he found us. I was alone at the house, watching tv when a harsh knocking on the door tore my attention away from whatever stupid show was playing in front of me. I tentatively walked to the door because I couldn't think of anyone who would be pounding on my door at 5 o'clock on a Friday. Maybe my mom forgot her key and came home early? Maybe Sage wants to see me?

But when I looked through the peephole my questions were answered to a certain extent. Now I had even more. How did he find us? I was paralyzed at the door.

"Connor," my father slurs. "I know you're in there. You better let me in!"

I can't move as my father pounds and slams on the door. I can't think of anything but his hands on my body, his fist on my jaw and his feet kicking my back. I see him hitting my mom, hear her screams, feel her hugging me after he disappeared during the night. I pray to whatever god that he doesn't look for the spare key taped to the top of the door frame but he's already smashing it into the lock. I back away from the door fast and trip over the rug. My heart beats so fast as he throws the door open. His eyes look like poison and he smells like booze.

"Oh, here's my beautiful boy!" I cower back, letting out scared whimpers. I don't mean to show him that I am scared but he knows. It's too late to try to act tough.

"Come on! Won't you say hello to your old dad?" He laughs coming closer and I shuffle away and stand up.

I let out a shaky whisper.

"You mean nothing to me, let alone a father." He only laughs and grabs me into a hug patting my back hard, making me cough. I stand there shaking in his rough and drunk embrace. All the sudden he is really mad. He pushes me back onto the couch, his hand on my chest felt like it was pushing my heart out of place.

"What, you thought I wouldn't find you and your stupid ass mother? You thought I was too stupid to check her emails and talk to her company?" He looks at me and I give him a menacing look with my eyes, making him laugh. I clearly do not intimidate him.

"This is a nice place, Con! I'm offended that you didn't want to bring me here!" he yells. He swings his arm, knocking a vase full of flowers onto the floor, sending it into shards and petals and puddles of water. Troye gave me those flowers. He picks up the little note the was attached to them.

"'To keep you company' from Troye? Connor is that a boys name? A boy is sending you flowers?"

I reach out a snatch the note from him. If he destroys everything else, I want something meaningful to me. He sees my fingernails and grabs my hands. The nail polish is still there.

"No son of mine is a faggot!"

"Shut up! Why do you care? All you want me for is to be your fucking punching bag!" I scream at him. I couldn't hold it in.

"Never talk to me like that again! Do you understand?" I just stare at him, hate radiating from my every pore. I hate him. I hate him so much.He slaps my cheek but I barely feel it. I can feel the heat coming from where his hand hit. It feels like an old friend.

"You will never see a boy again. I can't have you being a fucking homo."

I think I'm crying but I feel numb. I pick up a flower from the floor and walk fast to my room and lock the door behind me. I get in bed, shaking with fear and anger.

I want to be with the only person that I cannot be with right now.