Daydream away//Michael G. Clifford

She lays down

(If you can please listen to, she lays down by the 1975)

Putting on my dressing gown I steeped out of the bathroom and into my bed room.

Remembering I left two bottles of vodka under my bed I sat on the floor pulling them from under my bed.As I pulled them out leaning against the wall to open them.

My life is such a fuck up, I had everything; Michael, the tour friends who I can trust.I wasn't happy though ever never been really happy, apart from short moments.Like when Cara was born and my first kiss ever with Ashton and the first time I had sex with Michael.

Letting the burning liquid slip down my throat I drank a quarter of it in one go.Cara was still crying and Denise was probably calling for me to help but the sound drowned out the drunker I got.

I also new that there was a box of Codeine (very strong pain killers) under the bed which I got when I broke my hand.The doctor said not too drink with them because it could make me sick... But hey I already am.

Crying I held my breath to try stop it but I couldn't, why can't I control anything?Not even inside my own head!

"Katie can we talk?" Calum asked walking into the room and looking at me laid on the floor almost being sick.
"Shit shit shit."he mumbled picking me up and sitting me up on my bed.

"What did you take?"
"Couple codeine, vodka."
Calum handed me the bin from beside my bed and held my hair back.

"Come on I can tell you're gonna throw up."
Vomiting I threw up into the bin and started crying again.
"It's okay Katie just let it out."Cal rubbed my back and held my hair out of the way.

Denise came in and sat on the end of the bed,
"What's wrong?"
"She drank vodka and took codeine.I don't know how many but you're not supposed to drink with them."
"Is this because of what happened earlier Katie?With Michael?"Denise asked and I looked up from the bin.

"Are you fucking serious everything's not Michaels fault I don't want to be here its not right.Since I got back I've been trying to tell you I want to move away but you didn't listen, neither of you fucking listen anymore and I'm your best friend.

I need to get away for a while.Away from here away from everyone's bullshit i can't cope."

"Katie please we can help you be happy... Please!"
"Both of you just get out of my room."
"Katie come on we're trying to help."Calum said letting go of my hair and putting the bin on the floor.

"Both of you just fuck off."

✨✨✨
Blocking my door as soon as I got up, I climbed up on the roof off my balcony and sat up there in the sun.

All day I had been ignoring everyone until Luke started calling my phone.
"Let me come with you."he mumbled down the phone as soon as i answered.
"Luke no."
"Please!"
"You have the band I have nothing i booked a flight."
"Fuck, so is this goodbye?"
"Not yet Luke I want to say goodbye to you properly.But could you come round and bring me a pen and a notepad.You're going to have to break my door though I blocked it so D and Cal can't get in."
"Okay you up on the roof?"
"Yeh."
"Do you want me to bring some matches?"
"Luke no just some vodka."
"I love you hang in there I'm on my way."
"I love you too Lucas."

✨✨✨

Luke came up with a notepad, pen and two bottles of vodka just like I asked.

"So these letters who's are you writing first?"
Taking a deep breath I sighed,
"Michaels."

✨✨✨
I wrote a letter for; Michael then Denise, Ashton, Calum, Luke and Cara.Michaels and Cara's where the hardest to write because they made me realise how long I might actually be gone.How long it might take for me to be happy again, truly happy.

"Luke."
"Yeh."
"Tell mum and dad and Jack and Ben I love them."I cried my head falling into his lap.
"Of corse I will.I love you."

We sat up there all night watching the stars and drinking the vodka until Luke finally fell asleep and I had to wake him up before going down back into my room.

"Do you want me to stay?"
"Please Luke."

Luke laid on my bed then got up,
"I'm going to get some shorts of Calum.Why don't you see Cara?Cheer you up!"
"Yeh but don't tell them I'm going tomorrow.Could you also ship my stuff over to Aunt Joe's house?"
"Sure I'm gonna miss you."
"I love you Luke."

Cara was awake peacefully in her cot but I didn't want to lift her as I stunk of vodka.That was until she started crying,
she snuggled into my arms as I stroked her head softly.

"You're good with her."Calum mumbled from the door way and I looked up at him shocked.
"Thank you for holding my hair back earlier."
"It's okay you've changed Cara's nappy."he giggled making her a bottle.

"I love you guys, you know that right?"
"I know Hemmings we love you too."