Daydream away//Michael G. Clifford

First show

I took deep breaths as I tried to find my way back to the backstage area from the woman's toilets.Corridors turning everywhere it was all so complicated and stressful.It felt like I was going in circles as I walked down endless miles of corridors.The room started to spin, my hands shaking and sweaty I was just about to fall when a pair of arms caught me.

"Where have you been?"Calum asked and I turned around too see him, hugging him as if I would get lost in this maze of an arena again.
"I got lost thanks for finding me cal."
"It's okay, Denise is on FaceTime soon maybe it will calm you down a little."
"I hope so I'm so nervous for you guys.What if one of you gets hurt?"
"We'll be fine don't worry about it.Come on."

Calum bent down for a piggy back and I jumped up on his back, still feeling dizzy and panicked from getting lost.

"You okay up there?"
"Not really."
"You want to come down?"
"No."
Leaning into Calum's shoulders a little I hugged him.No wonder D loves him he's so comfortable.

Michael saw us and came jogging over, worried he carried me of Calum and picked me up in a hug.
"Did you get lost?Are you okay? Babe please tell me you didn't have a panic attack or pass out."
"Nearly both but Calum caught me and found me."
"Thanks mate."Muchael smiled to Calum as I hugged close to my boyfriend loving how he still smelt the same as always.His cent is so comforting!

I felt someone behind me playing with my hair and turned too see my brothers concerned face.
"What's up sis?"
"I got lost and a little panicky.Calum found me though."

Luke looked at me worried and walked around to hug me.He sat so I was on his lap and put his head in my neck.
"Talk to me after the show.Okay something's up."Nodding I cuddled into Luke as he is the only sense of normality I have.If mum were here it would be so much easier.

Annie has been on my mind a lot lately too, this was her dream not mine.She would have loved to be here seeing the world being with Luke and all the guys.Music and touring was Annie's dream and I feel like I'm cheating her.I was her best friend and if I was there for her all those years ago she could still be here.

But I wasn't... I hate her sometimes for leaving when I was only fourteen(but I will always love her, always.)Loosing your best friend is like having your heart ripped to shreds every second they're not there.

What makes it harder is no one knows, only Luke and D.Mum wouldn't have agreed to our friendship so I never told her.Luke loved her as much as I did though.

Michael snapped me out of my daydream though when he kissed my cheek and told me they where going on stage.
"I love you."
"I love you too Mike good luck."

Luke picked me up and spun me around squeezing me tight.
"Luke I feel dizzy."
"Sorry I'm excited why don't you go back to the hotel and rest K mum would kill me if she found out I wasn't looking after you properly."
"I guess I could but I'm still panicky."
"I'll call you an Uber."
"Fine, I'll go sit and wait outside I need some air."

Walking out of the arena my hands where shaking and I tried to get away as fast as I could.Fans where waving at me but I just wanted to run although they'd want to follow me so I just got away quickly.

Once they where out of sight I began running, tears dripping down my face as my hands wouldn't stop shaking.
For fuck sake another Panic attack, sinking down to the floor with my back against the wall I held my face in my hands crying.

My eyes where open wide because every time I closed them I could see her deep blue eyes staring at me.Plus just my luck it started raining causing me to slam my fist to the floor my hand was bleeding but I couldn't fell it, I couldn't feel anything.

✨✨✨
It felt like I had been in the rain for hours, I had stopped shaking and crying and I went numb.Numb even too the blood dripping from my hand.

There was a tap on my shoulder and I looked up to see Luke.
"After the show I had a text from the uber.Why are you out here?"he asked sitting down beside me and squeezing me in a hug.

He took hold of my bleeding hand and held it.Wincing away I just let it flop beside me,
"I think it's broken."
"Luke I don't care all I can see is her.This is what she wanted to do, she should be here not me.Why didn't she tell me?"I cried and I noticed Luke crying too.

We sat for a while in the rain hugging and crying until I noticed Luke shivering.
"Luke are you shaking?"
"We should get back, Michael was going crazy calling you."
"Shit come on."

Picking up my phone with my good hand I swiped across the 30 missed calls from Michael and called him.
"Oh my god babe please tell me your okay, I hurt my ankle so i couldn't find you.Did Luke get you?"
"Michael calm down i am okay I just had a panic attack and had to get out."
"You're not okay I can tell."
"My hand."
"Shit where are you?"
"We're coming back now, rest your foot."
"But babe."
"Michael I'll be fine."
"Okay I love you, do you want me too call a doctor or something?"
"No."

Luke grabbed my phone out of my hand and told him,
"Yes, it looks broken and it's all bruised.You need to go to the doctor too."
He handed me my phone back and Luke had ended the call.

I looked up at him and sighed,
"Luke."
"If you don't go see a doctor I'm telling mum."
"Okay"mumbling as I cuddled into him he rubbed my hair while we walked.

"Is Mikeys ankle okay?"
"God think about yourself for once okay."
"Luke is he okay?"
"Katie."
"Luke if you don't tell me I'll fucking punch something and make my hand worse."
"Fine! He's probably just sprained it but your more important.Mum wouldn't like you not thinking about yourself like this."
"I love Michael, I don't love myself.Luke I ruin everything I keep seeing her...I shouldn't be here."
"Your not gonna go die on me are you like she did?"
"No Luke I just... I just don't feel right here.Luke I want to go home."
"Talk to Michael."
"I'm not telling him about her, I'm not ready."
"Okay but tell him you want to go home.K I know I'm not going to be able to persuade you to stay but he might."