Yours [Prim/Cato]

Chapter 52 - Daddy

It's as if time has chosen to go against me. I try my hardest not to blink, because whenever I do, days seem to go by. Time is dangerous. I feel like I've run out of time, like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. Nothing really has meaning. I can't keep this up, because it makes everything so much harder to control.

Mom always knows when there's something wrong. She can sense my pain just as I can hers. She's going to know about what I've done.

Two weeks, two dreadful weeks have gone by, and now, I have to face my mother and all of District 12 for a whole night. They're going to know that something is up.

What if they judge me? What if they think I'm bad for having sex?

I want to let it go, but I'm sad. I don't even know why. I got the result that I wanted, but I was kind of desperate to expect the complete opposite. Everything happens for a reason, and I guess this is just something I'm going to have to get on with. It's not like there's much to do about it.

We've finally made it to the last of the tour, my home. I know everyone's excited for the huge feast that's already started in my honor. Too bad Katniss won't be there. I know the entire community must miss her.

Now that I've thought about it, I've completely forgotten about Gale. I wonder how he's been holding up. The last time I saw him was the Reaping. He was non-existent for the short time I visited. I hope he's doing okay. He and Katniss had a really close relationship, the two of them being inseparable since Daddy died.

All the while that I'm consumed inside my own head, Effie's by my side, rambling along about the party we were only twenty minutes away from, and surprisingly, how excited she was to finally meet my mother. I had no clue that Effie even knew my mother's first name, and here she is, talking about all the things she's learned from me about my Mom. I guess I never realized how much I talk about her.

My hands were shaking, only making my belly tighten into knots even more. The sky had already turned a deep, midnight blue, stars spilling along the beautiful horizon in their haphazardly natural way. I recall trying to count them all with my Daddy. We would sit out on the porch and count as many as we could before I started nodding off to sleep. I could barely count to ten, and I didn't know back then that I was probably counting the same stars over every night, but he always made me seem like I was making progress, remembering the number I ended on the night before so I can start up from there.

Being a dad is a lot of responsibility, but not as much as being a Mommy. Cato will make the perfect dad to his baby. He's going to spoil the baby up until the day it gets married. Sometimes I really miss my dad, even though I don't remember too much about him. He was always there, and then one day, he wasn't.

My emotions have gone on this wild roller-coaster. I've gone from sad to happy to angry in merely an hour for the past week. I've done nothing but think of what makes me happy, and then that just turns to sadness and anger and crying all at once. Cato tries to console me, but nothing really works. I need to get a hold of myself. Mom can't know that there is anything wrong.

"Oh, we're pulling in now!" Effie squeals in joy, her lips right next to my ear. I can hear the faint cheers of my home, my family waiting for me to arrive. "Come, darling, it's time to get to the real fun."

"Okay, Effie, I'm coming," I mumbled before she had the chance to yank me alongside of her.

As the train screeched to its halt in the station, I sensed Cato's presence behind me. For the past two weeks, we haven't really talked much, but Cato knew not to say much to me. I needed time to think about all of this. I just needed some time to myself, and even though it angered him, he's granted me my wish.